He has full custody and I need the childrens respect?

Question

I am a 33 yr old woman never been married or has children.I have fallen in love w/ a man that has full custody of his 2 kids 10 and 13 The mother was insane and is not allowed to see them for only two yrs now I have been in a long distance relationship for a yr.-with him not seeing them much Over the last 4 months we have fallen in love My issues are I have become more of a friend to the daughter, now she is being disrespectful and talking way too mature for her age and I feel she is not respecting me as an adult. She is making up stories to make her dad think I am doing something wrong I know there are issues of me and her father. Things are starting on the wrng foot. I am suppose to move to his state at the end of the month and I am feeling scared . that things will just get worse as she gets older! I have told him and he has talks with her, but it hasnt improved yet. She asked me if I could have kids I responded yes.. she says I doesnt want a baby sis. what do I do for her underst

Answer 1

You are the adult here. Remember that. I hope you and the girl's father can put forth a united front.

First and foremost...never disrespect the mother, EVER. It will not serve you well.

Treat her as a child, not a friend. Friends she has, I am certain. And it is not her business if you both have another child or not, though I hope you can wait at least three years. The children have some adjusting to do, just as the two of you do. If you love this man, do not give up. The children are only children for a short time....you will both be adults the rest of your life.

I pray for peace in your new family, dear one.

Answer 2

she may not want to see her father with a another woman other than her mother. most cases the child will eventually get over but you should never scoop down to her level just to bond with her. you should have a talk with her and let her know that you love her and her father and you will not do anything to hurt him.
you may not want to hear this but she will be a problem. but if you love him, you will endure through anything, and if you love her unconditionly but be firm and stand for what you beleave you will eventually win her over, but not without a fight some headaches and some heated moments. so the real question is to ask are you willing and able to put up with all the turmoil for love.
well goodluck sweetie!
hope everything turnsout well!

Answer 3

First, it is not her choice if you move there, or if you and her father have kids together. She is the child, you are the adult. You and your boyfriend need to set some ground rules before you move there, and he needs to stick by them. His children need to respect you, you are the authority. Your boyfriend needs to know where you stand. you can't have his kids running to him every time you tell them to do something, and you can't have him undermining your authority.

You need to work all of this out before you pack up and move to his state, leaving your job and your home. What if it doesn't work out? What if he lets his kids walk all over you?

His daughter is trying to test her father's love and she thinks that you moving in will take away from what he feels for her. I tried this on my mom many times.. with the "I was here first" thing. She is 13, so it shouldn't work. Its not like you intend to ruin their relationship or take anything away from the kids.

Never let the children hear you or him talk about how "insane" their mother is. Every bad word you utter about their mother will make them hate you. Every bad word he utters about their mother will make them disrespect him. My mom never said a bad word - ever- in my presense about my father. My father was a drug addict, alcoholic who spent most of my life in and out of prison until his life caught up with him and he died... he was worthless as far as being a father goes.. but my mom let me decide that on my own, and I respect her for that.

Answer 4

When we are born, we can't choose our parents. Even we have the choice, our mind is still too naive to make choices. But when we growth, we start to make choices. At the age of 10 or 13, you have to convince her to make the choice.