Why am I after 36 years now having flashbacks of Vietnam?

Question

Why can I now all of a sudden remember the faces of people I killed but cannot remember the faces of my friends who died? Why am I now having bad dreams of Nam when I have been able to block it out for so many years? I can ask these questions here because none of you know me or will ever meet me, so I really don't have to worry about being embarrassed. Sometimes I think maybe it's time for me to check out. I have done some things I am not proud of and carried this with me for so many years. But It's just now coming back to haunt me. Is it now payback time?

Answer 1

Hey comrade. I have the same problem. It took years to forget and a few years ago i had heart problems and went to the vets hospital. Everything came back in a flash and stayed for more years. Nightmares and all. When I got home i couldn't sit for more than a couple minutes. Had to always be doing something. Now its just a bad memory that pos up every now and again. We did what we had to and no regrets. It was a hell of a time.

Answer 2

I'm not surprised that Vietnam vets would be recalling the past with all this Iraq stuff going on. In many ways the images and debates are similar but you guys had to deal with being blamed for the things you were required to do. Now we have all this support-the-troops stuff. I'm glad that soldiers are no longer being spit on when they come home but it breaks my heart for the guys I grew up with.

You don't need to be embarrassed. We lived through hell back then. We've all done things that we're not proud of but the fact that bad memories haunt you to this day is proof that you have a good heart. It's not payback time. It's probably time for you to link up with a veterans group or a counselor and let out all the stuff that you've been storing away for so many years.

Answer 3

Flashbacks, which is one of the symptoms of PTSD can occur years after the trauma happened so this isn't really unusual. Has something stressful happened in your life recently that may have triggered these flashbacks?
It's good that you're admitting there's a problem in your life as far as the flashbacks and it sounds like you want some help. There's nothing to be ashamed about because there are a lot of people who've been through traumas who are dealing with PTSD.

I can only imagine the terrible things that you went through but it's important for you to begin talking about these painful experiences with someone such as a therapist or counselor, especially since you say you feel the urge to harm yourself. The only way you can begin to heal your emotional scars is to talk about these feelings and experiences in a safe setting. So go to your family doctor and discuss what you're going through. I know that there are some medications like Buspar that can be helpful with PTSD.

And no, it's not payback time. You sacrificed a lot by going to Vietnam and you shouldn't be ashamed of this. Get help for this because you definitely deserve to live a good life.

Also check out these PTSD sites because they might be helpful

http://www.ptsdsupport.net/

http://www.military.com/MilitaryReport/0,12914,95043,00.html?ESRC=veteransreport.RSS

Answer 4

They used to call it shell shock. My brother-in-law had it but he had such a good sense of humor, he led a normal life. However, my sister mentioned he would wake up at night for a long time screaming. I think you probably did block it out for a long time but now it's coming back to haunt you. And I don't feel you need to feel bad or "not proud" of things you did in the war. You had to do what you were told and were lucky to survive. You need to seek help immediately from a professional. Maybe they have group therapy where you can find out what others are doing about it. My prayers and good thoughts are with you.

Answer 5

Tom? Please don't think of checking out. My favorite uncle served in Nam and he checked out. What you had to do there was not on you it was on the politicians. Since I have gotten older I remember the bad and ugly things in my life more than the beautiful and good. It could just be a cycle we have to go through. I remember my friends names but have trouble sometimes remembering their faces. The face of the man who raped me is as plain as if it happened yesterday. That was 31years ago. I lost the first love of my life to Viet Nam. I lived with a Vet who had very bad flashbacks. If you need to talk message me. It is anonymous and you don't have anything to be embarrassed about to begin with.

Answer 6

I'm not saying this insensitively, although it may seem like it, but perhaps you are taking these visions a bit seriously. Even if you can't remember the faces of your friends, I believe it is up to you to do your best to remember them and acknowledge them the best way you know how. To be remembering the people you killed is not a bad thing, either. It may be hurtful to you emotionally, but if you can realize that only you can allow it to disturb you, then maybe you can accept it as part of your legacy. Good luck.

Answer 7

This stuff is ingrained into your subconscious ... deep. My father was a WWII bomber pilot whose final missions were to blow as much of Berlin up as he could while flying a B-26. He refused to discuss the war with me, and had recurring nightmares until his death in 2000, 55 years after the fact. It's possible that you have some unresolved post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms that need to be addressed. I'm sure there are many Vietnam veterans, or veterans of ANY war who you can share your experiences with.

Whether you want to rehash this stuff right now may be out of your hands if you wish to bring this to the fore and get it out of the back of your head if you are to complete the grieving process and heal. Much love to you and yours!

Answer 8

From today's news huh. Milk it for all it is worth. The official reason you are having flashbacks is that this Iraq War is turning into Vietnam II (Two) (2) as it drags along. Seeing it in the news every day for eternity is bring out your memories. You can now get free medical treatment and cash for disability. Go now before the money runs out.

Answer 9

Fear is our strongest emotion.
When you kill someone in a war; it is a "kill or be killed" moment for you. So the FEAR is very high. So this emotion is placed in a high priority box in your brain. Your friends were not a threat to you, so when they died, it was painful, but those emotions were placed in a medium priority box in your brain.

Now throw in the fact that middle age is approaching, your metabolism is slowing down, your mind now starts to wander, reflecting back upon your life.

And GUESS WHAT your brain picks out to think about while you are sleeping; that is right! High priority boxes!!

So what to do?

Take up weightlifting. HEAVY weightlifting. Get a set of weights, and a power rack. When you are lifting heavy, your body and mind completely focuses upon the lifting. This trains your brain to focus on things YOU want to think about. It takes time, patience, and you will end up with a healthier and stronger body.

Answer 10

When you've experienced extreme trauma such as what you have, it's essential that you must face it and accept that it happened before you can carry on. By trying to block it, or deny that it happened, you're only postponing the process. It may be that you will need to allow yourself to fully grieve the situation. Please, totally privately if you must....see a counselor and pose the same question to them that you did here. There's nothing wrong with you....what you're feeling is CORRECT, and you need some help getting through it. Good luck to you.