I really feel like I'm going to eventually kill myself?

Question

I really don't think I can handle any of these feelings anymore. The person that I have been in love with for the last 4 years told me about a month ago that he never wants to see me again. I can't stop thinking about him and what an idiot I am for making this such a big deal. We stopped going out in January, so this shouldn't be such a big deal. I've even started to outline a note and a list of "last things to do" in my head before it happens. I can't get help, because if I ever did, my parents (who I live with) would make fun of me, they tend to follow me into every room of my house, including me in the shower, and tell me what a terrible ****-up I am at everything, including my last relationship and I can't stand it anymore. I am in constant physical pain(nerve damage to my knee) that is close to unbearable, and the only thing that helps is booze, and I'm drikning alot more then I want to beause of it. I don't think that there are anymore options, I've tried talking to friends

but because of my "constant moping" they have cut off all contact to me, and I only have 3 friends left that I have just met, so I don't feel close enough to them and I don't want to scare them away. Recently, I've noticed that I only feel happy with myself if I am recieving (unwanted) male attention, and I've thought of hooking as a way to afford moving out of my house, or just plain old drugs as a way to cope.

The thought of it scares me to death, and I feel dead inside. Someone posted that I should do it, what would be the most effective way?

Answer 1

Wow. That's a lot of bad feelings - I'm sorry you're having such difficulty. Can I just say that it seems pretty obvious you have Major Depressive Disorder - it is a medical diagnosis, that requires medical treatment to get better. Also, the alcohol is a depressant, and even though it seems to make things better, it is probably actually going to prevent you from feeling better. Lastly, chronic pain is a well recognized cause for depression. I guess my point is that you have a lot of legitimate reasons for feeling the way you do. You should seek medical attention. Your parents don't even have to know since medical treatment is private, protected information. If you're worried about them finding out because of insurance issues, perhaps you could find a free clinic in your area. Whatever you decide to do - good luck.

Answer 2

Do you honestly think that a man is worth taking your life? Say you did kill yourself, don't you know that he is going to go on living! Killing yourself, running away, and numbing your pain with drugs and booze is the PUNK way out. Where is your backbone? that which does not kill us makes us stronger! maybe he was not the guy for you. If you look deep in your heart at the last 4 years...this did not just come out of the blue! You ignored the signs! GET ON YOUR KNEES AND PRAY, MEDITATE OR SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP! there is never a reason to give up! everyday that you open your eyes, it's another chance for you to make things better...be a better person, impact someone Else's life. Just think, it will take time, but you will get through this, and one day, you will be sitting at this computer, or where ever, and you will see someone in this same place that you are in. I know, because I have been where you are, and that is why I can say with everything within me...be strong, hold on and have faith.

Answer 3

I've been in your place, felt like I've had no options, no-one to turn to, seems like everyone I've ever known or felt cared about had turned their backs or simply didn't understand what I was feeling. I even attempted suicide three times. It's NOT the answer. Even if you have no friends your age you feel you can turn to, and your folks simply don't get it, don't understand you and put you down, there are ALWAYS other options. There are various community services in every city, crisis hot lines, school counselors, church or other "religious" ministers, and ALL of these are confidential, neither your folks or anyone else need know what you've talked about with these people. Take it from someone who's tried it, suicide is a messy, painful choice, especially if it doesn't work, and it doesn't solve the problem. Deep down, the answer IS in you, you just need to try to deal with your feelings moment by moment. Knowing that YOU are in control of you is a very empowering feeling. Being able to say to yourself, "I could do this for a minute, I can do it again." YOU are your best friend and your strongest ally. Find someone to talk to, be it a minister, school counselor, or crisis worker. If you need to get away from your parents, check into the shelters around you, see if the crisis clinics around you have any beds open. You can also e-mail me at [e-mail] if you want. I've been there, abused, rejected, and suicidal, and I've made it through. Life IS good on the other side. I'm here if you want to talk.
Shana


That was my mom, you really can talk to her if you want to. I didn't really know how to answer your question, I was kind of torn, I've been there to and I wasn't sure what to say. Good luck, and we're here for you if you need it.

Answer 4

You need to seek help for yourself, not for what anyone else thinks. These feelings will go away, but you need to seek help. There are other options other than drugs, and prostitution, those will only get you a ticket to jail. I'm not sure how old you are. If you are in school seek a school counselor, if you are older you should be able to find a decent job. Get out seek help if not from a counselor seek a pastor from a church. They will keep it confidential and will help you thru this. One guy is not the end of the world even though it might seem like it. He doesn't deserve you, and you deserve much more.

Answer 5

You really need to get some help and begin treating yourself with more respect. Drinking only makes depression worse and your chronic pain is probably contributing to your depression too.

You seem to be looking for other people to validate you as a person (boyfriends, parents, friends) but nobody can help you feel better about yourself except you.

No matter what your parents may think, you need to get yourself to a doctor right away and tell him or her exactly what's going on. You may need medication for your depression (there are a lot of good ones available) and you also may need to see a therapist so that you can safely discuss these issues and find a way to deal with your emotional pain rather than thinking of suicide. I think you know that suicide isn't the answer and I'm sure you want to improve your life otherwise you wouldn't be writing here.

See your doctor or go to your local mental health center to get properly evaluated. If you really feel like you're going to harm yourself then go to the emergency room right away. Don't worry about what others think, just help yourself. You're stronger than you think.

With your chronic knee pain you may be able to apply for disability so talk to your doctor about that.

Take care of yourself, you're worth it.

Answer 6

You need to get out of the situation where you are being talked down. Surely there is an option besides hooking? that isn't going to help the suicidal depression.

Finding something you can do well feels good. Art? Sports? Music? Business?

Exercise.

Find ONE or TWO things that you can do to put one foot in front of the other. God does love you. Hang tight, get through this. Light on the other side. :-)

Answer 7

Some of the answeers seem confused -- you're not severly depressed just over him leaving, but because it is just another event which leads you to believe your life is a failure.

If your parents are as big of *** holes as they sound, they are probably most of your problem. Someone who is not given a proper foundation as a child due to childish or even malicoious parents have a much harder time becoming a successful adult - it's kind of like building a house on a sand foundation. I personally struggle with this type of thing in my life.

Answer 8

Everybody has problems and you just have to keep on living, if not for yourself then for people in your same situation that u can help when you help yourself. Beleive it or not i have been through more pain that you can imagine and im burly eighteen, im still struggling to survive. Sometimes you cant count on people for help , you have to depend on yourself. Your sronger than you think, dont say your not, everyone has something unique that makes them different from others, you got to find that special quality or talent and make it work for you. My talent is my writting, i write about my bad and good experiences in life which i shared and still do to my friends and students in my english classs, it helps them if they have had or are having that problem. I sometimes hate my life and the people around me that make it horrible but then i think,"This is my life and my thoughts and noone is going to make me feel down without my permission". I advise you to take walks in the park early in the morning when noone is around, go to the theatre alone and see alot of movies when ever you can, read any interesting book at night, write your thoughts or draw stuff when ever you feel lonely. LIFE IS A ***** sometimes but theirs agood side to it. One lesson that i have learned is to never let anyone in ur hearth untill ur sure u cant trust that person with ur life. I think it sucks that ur parents dont take u serious, the feeling that u cant depend on ur family for support is horrible. Learn from ur mistakes and of the mistakes of others. Dont, Dont, Dont, Dont, Dont do nothing stupid like taking your life away because u matter tosomeone out there and u matter to me even do i dont know you. Move up in life, go to school and have safe fun, get help with ur drinking if it gets out of control search the internet for programs. I wish you luck with everithing and start depending on yourself. love yourself.Bye.

Answer 9

If you need someone to talk to, Open Arms Internet Ministry has been helping thousands of people get through a lot of things. We've worked with people who were suicidal and helped them find a way out of the pain. If you'd like to talk to one of our counselors, just e-mail us at [e-mail] . The site is http://www.oaim.org . Oh, and we never charge for our help. :o)

Answer 10

Ok! well i have thought about killing myself like 5 times now! i have actually cut myself 4 times and all 4 times i have becaome so EMOTIONAL! like it was crazy when i relized i could die tonight it was AWFUL! like i felt like i was gonna die from the fact i was tryin 2 kill myself! i totally 4 got 2 tell u but the reason i did it was because of a boyfriend! which is frekin retarded! I didnt tell my parents that i had done it but 1 of my friends did that 4 me! now im kinda happy bc she actually saved my life! but now my moms tryin 2 get me 2 go to a counslor but i dont want 2! but dont waste your life on a guy! o n dont do the prostitoun thing eithe give it some time and dont Kill yourself!!

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