Anyone have any GOOD advice?

Question

My daughter is 3 1/2 and UNRULY as heck! I am a single mother who works full time so she's in daycare during the day. Between working, spending some quality time with her and keeping up with the house and lawn I feel like I'm losing my mind. Anyone have any tips on how to make a small spoiled child mind? Just looking for what has worked for other parents/single moms. Please no - just spank her comments... that doesn't work!

Allow me to clarify - She has a relationship with her father. He is a great part time dad - plays, takes her to the movies, the park etc. HOWEVER - he sees her 2 days a month and doesn't assist with discipline/teaching/raising... just playing.

Answer 1

I am sure you have heard this before, but consistency in everything you do with her is key. She needs to have a concrete routine that includes set rewards and punishments. Time out works if you are consistant...first, you need to give a warning by always speaking sternly, and at her level. Do not shout something at her from across the room, rather walk over, look her in the eyes and tell her what to do. For time out, have a set spot, and leave her there three or four minutes. If she gets up, you need to calmly put her back, and begin again. You should also create a reward system, like a sticker chart, so the positive behavior is always reinforced. Also, if she is doing something wrong, remember to try redirecting her behavior before punishing her (like if she is throwing toys in the house, send her outside to throw something). Usually when they are misbehaving, they are bored and need some guidance on what to do. You should also talk with her daycare teachers to make sure they are setting the same expectations that you are, and that you guys are all on the same page. It is going to take time, because she is set in her ways, but if you keep it up, in a few weeks or months you will have a well behaved child.

Answer 2

Yes. My daughter is 4 1/2 and even though she has alot of energy I avoid seeing her as unrully. Children have stress in there lifes too, mainly given by the parent/s. After work I would mind my child for about 8 hrs, while mom worked. And this was her up time. It took all my atention then some to mannage, I found public parks and walks as an exellent outlet, 3 and 1/2 is a verry good age to also inteduce basic puzzles.
Allso let them help you with your chores, not mowing the lawn but give them a scence of worth and the atention they need. (You wont be confonted by an angry lawn twenty years down the road.)Show intrest and your kid will too. This will teach over time focus, which is important for a child. Now after some rearch I have allways used time outs. And they are usualy verry affective, 3 year olds are starting to discover their boundrys and test them alot. When she had pushed that boundry her favorite toy pony would go to the time out maybe.
Always open with a firm warning, then if they put their little tow over the line, carry out the action in emidiatelly.I usualy allways warn once, because they usually can hear you just dont know the proper way to acknolage you. And that always worked along with a reward system for good behavior, (wich is much funner for everyone). I always try to explain to my child to think about their choices , allthough they might not fully understand, it is a start. Being very stuborn like her parents once she pushed the toy time out and everything else. she put up a fight that made me proud.
I had to put all toys in time out. Then banish her to a corner where she would face the wall and think about her choices. Then I asked her to explain to me if she knew why she was in time out. If she refused or did not answer correct, I would showing as much compation as posable, explain it again and wait 30 sec. or so to ask again , which is very long if you are a child in time out .
I was told no more than five min. ever, and stuck to that rule pretty good. Oh, and remember after your kid dose some time, it is a verry good idea to hug them and tell them that you love them so the knoe you have their intrest in mind. That is some of what I learned age 3-4 and it seemmed to do good job. I hope it can help you out as well.

Answer 3

Different things work with different kids. Get creative, try a chart, taking away toys (ground her from toys she enjoys), time out chairs, sitting her in a corner. Be consistent and give each at least two weeks before you give up on it, it takes consistency and a little time to know if they are going to work or not work.
With my four year old daughter we just say you will be grounded, she doesn't have a clue what it even means, but because she knows her older sibling hate being grounded it works. lol we are actually going to have to change it before long when she realizes that other then the words there is really no punishment. My oldest daughter I had to and still have to take something away. With my son charts work, he likes being able to earn an allowance and works hard to make sure he fills his chart with stars.

Answer 4

I have a 3 year old too and also work full time i know how you feel . the one good thing i done was made sure she was in bed for 8 o'clock that way i had a bit of time to myself and could catch up on the house work take a bath or even have an early night if i wanted . The other thing to help was give her an activity to do while i was trying to get things done even if you resort to a video or dvd for an hour or so . Good Luck

Answer 5

Small children can be very hard to handle. I dont fully understand how unruly your child is but I would sugest a punisment. Personally Im aginst spankings. I would sugest a time out (it's important not to make this seem 'fun' make sure they are not happy. Dont let them take their toy or blanket with them) This might let the child know you are the boss.

Also I would find something you enjoy to let off some steam. Lots of people enjoy yoga. but if thats not yhour thing maybe you could try just going for a walk :)

I hope I could help. Email me if needed,
Airzy

Answer 6

The book "How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk" has wonderful tips on how to do this. Being firm, following through on what you say, being reasonable, these are all big helps.

I would clean less, except what you can do with her.

I'd also look into finding ways to work less and be home more. Day care use is strongly correlated with children being more aggressive, less well disciplined, less attached to mom. A child who is attached to mom will just mind more because she wants to be pleasing. Also, I've noticed moms who are sharing the raising of their kids don't seem to understand kids really well. So, the book I recommended can help with that because it's written by people who teach us how to understand our kids better.

Answer 7

Just a thought, but possibly take her in to be tested for ADHD. Now before you say it's just an excuse a lot of parents can use to get out of doing their jobs as parents, there are children out there who do have this disorder. You have to dicipline an ADHD child differently than you dicipline a child without it. Spanking never tends to work with an ADHD child. But ADHD or not, try taking away priveledges. TV time, toys things like that. When she acts up tell her you have until the count of 3 until _______ priveledge is taken away. Also time out can work as well. The way you base time in time out is one minute for every year of age. So in her case 3.30 minutes. Have her stand or sit in a corner for that amount of time. It will take some work to get it down, but you can do it. You're a strong single woman and mother. Good luck and God bless!

Answer 8

Try a reward chart, she gets a star for each time she listens and behaves as expected. Also for things like picking up her toys and such. After she earns five stars she gets to pick a candy from the candy bowl. People say not to bribe, but if you were a child, what would you want? Also, a strike system works as well, three strikes for bad behavior and she gets a wack. I know you requested no spanking advice, but its biblical~so I believe it can work.

Answer 9

That supernanny show is wonderful. Basically the formula is to set a routine that works for the family, and issue punishments in the form of timeout for bad behavior. They have tons of Supernanny shows and they all work the same way.

First you set a schedule that includes meals, chores, family time, (and eventually homework), and entertainment like TV/Video games.

Then you set boundaries and sit the child down and explain them in their language.

Then be consistent and persistent with issuing the timeouts.

(oh ya, I forgot about the reward part too)

Answer 10

I wish I had a answer for this one, but, I don't, I have 3 kids, ages 4, 3 and 7 months, but, I am not a single parent either,,,,,,, I wish you luck and hope all works out for you and your child