Here's the brief scenario. I am getting married on May and will be travelling back to my home town to try on wedding dresses. My mom is the type of person who has not really been there for me, and is very self centered. Should I ask my mom to come with me to try on the dresses in order to share a mother-daughter wedding moment? If she says no, I'll be hurt. Then again, I could just go with my mom-in-law (to be) and not ask her at all, then she may be hurt. I am not sure where to go from here and I don't want to go alone (all the bridesmaids are from out of town so that is out of the question).
2006-08-29 13:15:49 · 26 answers · asked by gojulie 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Since you recognize the fact that your mom has issues, and you've obviously have had to live and deal with her and her sub-par parenting skills all your life; you need to be prepared to be hurt. However, you have the right to "hope" she'll be there to share this special outing with you. Unfortunately, there is no escape from the drama, and who she is, therefore, if she rebuffs you...you'll chalk it up like you've done all your life. This is your burden...sorry.
If you don't ask her, it will for sure cause additional strife.
It comes down to; "What do you want and need and how much skin and heart are you willing to shed?" Obviously, you'd like to share this with your mom...but for you it comes with risk and a possible emotional price. I would ask her, and deal with any negative outcome like you've always done.
Peace and best of luck...
2006-08-29 13:26:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! You must be very excited to embark on this new, wonderful chapter in your life. :)
Do you want to create a mother-daughter wedding moment for yourself? It is kind of you to think about including your mother, even though she has not really been there for you. Just know that your expectations of the how the day should go may differ greatly from hers.
Would having her along truly help you in selecting a dress? Or would you be concerned about getting along and pleasing her, wishing things could be different and hoping they now will miraculously improve? By saying you would be hurt if she says no, that indicates to me you still crave her approval. Realistically, you may never get it, since everything is all about her. So you need to find a way to be whole without it. Especially now that you are about to become married....it's time to accept people at face value and be happy no matter how they respond to things you say or do.
If you're doing the right things for the right reasons, you've got no worries.
If you decide to include her, do so because you want her there. That goes for your mother-in-law-to-be, as well. You could take the high road and graciously invite them both. In either case, you must be determined to be happy and enjoy the day no matter what. Even if it means shopping alone.
Your goal for the shopping trip should be twofold: 1) enjoy the experience, and 2) find the ideal dress. If having your mother there will interfere with these goals, do not feel obligated to include her. And if she decides to be hurt, that's up to her. Let other people -- including your mother -- own their feelings. You sound like a kind person who walks in love -- what others do with that is up to them. Your happiness is up to you.
Good luck to you and your future husband - I wish you all the best!
2006-08-29 18:26:22 · answer #2 · answered by flysilly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask your Mom and your mother in law to be. This will give them a chance to get together and if you are close to you mother in law, tell her what you fear your Mom may do and ask her if she wouldn't mind running interference if she notices Mom getting out of hand. This will also make your mother in law feel closer to you for your asking her.
When you invite your Mom tell her how much it means to you to have her there with you for this moment. If she says no, try not to stress about it. This is your time and nothing should upset you. Try not to worry over things so much. I know it's hard but try.
What is going to happen is going to happen and there isn't anything you can do about it so just relax and enjoy what is supposed to be the happiest time of you life! Besides, the bride shouldn't have worry lines!
2006-08-29 14:20:55 · answer #3 · answered by Chaddy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Defenitely ask your mom. This is a once in a lifetime thing (hopefully) and I think you will regret not asking her more than if you ask her and she says no. If she does say no, defenitely ask your mom in law to be. Wedding are a magical time. My sis got really jealous right before my wedding and threatened to not be in it and take her kids out, too. She later apologized and ended up being a blessing to me. Our relationship is even better now than before I got married. You never know what might happen. Regardless of what your mother does, know that marriage is special and you are so honored to be marrying the man of your dreams and focus on that.
2006-08-30 04:22:11 · answer #4 · answered by Jaedyn=God has heard 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask your mother-in-law to be to go with you and ask your mother also. Here is the deal, if you ask both, they will get a chance to be together with you and share this time with you. If your mother refuses then you can just put it down as another time she let you down and have an enjoyable time with your soon to be mother-in-law. This way you won't be going alone and maybe your mother might want to be present as well. Also, have fun.
2006-08-29 14:52:49 · answer #5 · answered by mom of girls 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask both of them to join you. If your mother chooses not to come, then as hurtful as it is to you, its her loss not yours.
If your mother in law to be is more supportive, then there is nothing wrong with enjoying the day with her. It may help bond you closer.
My daughters future mother in law and myself went with her and we both enjoyed the moment when we saw her in "the dress". She thanked me for letting her be a part of something so special, and I enjoyed having her there since her son was to be my son as well.
Good luck and don't let your self centered mother ruin your day.
2006-08-29 18:18:10 · answer #6 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you can make this choice because you are the one who has to live with it. Why not invite both of them that way if your mom says no you won't be that disappointed. If she finds out your future mom in law is going she will probably go so she will not look bad. Don't forget to take lots of pictures Congratulations.
2006-08-29 13:20:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask both your mom and your mother-in-law to be. You are somewhat prepared for your mom to say 'no'- but she might surprise you. If all three of you go, it will be a very memorable moment. At the very least, you know you won't go alone.
2006-08-29 13:20:04 · answer #8 · answered by Queen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's be bad taste for you to go with your future mother in law and not even ask your own mom. Ask her. If she says no, then go with your mother in law.
I know you'll feel hurt if she says no. But consider your options. If you don't ask your mom at all, you're going to feel guilty. If you ask her and she says yes, you'll be happy. If you ask and she says no, you'll be hurt. You might as well ask and possibly have a happy result as opposed to not asking and definately not having a happy result.
Best of luck to you!
2006-08-29 15:40:55 · answer #9 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would have to say ask her anyway and if she says no then it her loss ..just be happy that you are getting married and that you have a wonderful mother in law to go to when you need her and thats what family is all about ....give your mom a chance maybe she thinks you dont need her anymore because your grown ....a wedding is something to remember ..if she says no ..aleast you can say hey i did ask her ....she will regret it later on in her life ...what goes around comes around
2006-08-29 13:21:53 · answer #10 · answered by JENNIFER D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋