how do you get over your parents neglect, even after you are an adult?

Answer 1

You learn to grow balls and be your own person. Not everyone has a perfect life. It's hard for everyone. Many industry-leading professionals at the turn of the century were orphans. You still have family, whether it be friends, co-workers, or people you see everyday. Remember you still have yourself, and you don't need society to tell you how your life should be.

Answer 2

It's difficult to let go of the hurtful things that were done to you as a child because looking back you realize how young and innocent you were and how unjust it all was. It would be wonderful if you would be able to tell your parents exactly how you feel and have them express deep remorse for what they've done to you... but that's not often how such conversations turn out. The parents end up feeling attacked, say they did their best or didn't do anything wrong and you're left even more angry because your feelings weren't validated and you didn't get an apology or any closure on the matter. Therefore... I suppose the only way to resolve the situation is without their involvement (even though they caused the problem, sadly) and seek counseling from an experienced psychotherapist who can advise you on what steps you can take to forgive, let go and heal.

Best wishes.

Answer 3

The best way to stop living in the past, is to look forward to the future. Make a plan for something that you really want to do. Would you like to go to Europe? Then plan a vacation for next year, and start taking the necessary steps to make that happen. Bad parents are always going to bring you down, but if you have something to look forward to, then at least your immediate future can look better than the past. When the vacation is over, it's time to find a new goal to work towards!

Answer 4

Hi,

I am not an expert, no degrees or anything but I can speak from personal experience. My way of handling it was to talk to others that are close to me. I was able to get the feelings of disappointment that I was not important to my parent when I was younger expressed. I have also found as I get older it is not as big of a focus in my life. I have my own family and have made my own life. I have not neglected my loved ones or abandoned them either. I treat my loved ones with respect and let them know that their thoughts, inspirations and even everyday things are of interest to me. I have also found out that when you find someone who cares about you, treating them as you have always wanted to be treated brings love and understanding into your life now. I wish you all the best and I hope that you find peace and light in your life.

Answer 5

It isn't easy. The baggage we carry from childhood is often heavy and painful. I was molested when I was a child. It still affects me and I'm 52 now. (My parents didn't have anything to do with it.)

All I can say is that the hatred and anger I carried for many years (less now) never did me much good. It just alienated people. It isn't easy to let go of it, but that's what's required.

Luckily for me, my sons all play soccer. As a result, I am heavily involved in the youth soccer association. I love coaching the kids and giving them the kindness I needed. From time to time, I have supplied shoes or shin guards to kids that needed them. From time to time, I have just listened to kids that wanted to talk.

I have received so much from this that I can't even explain it. I think it really helps to give to others what you never got. (If that makes any sense.)

The other thing to remember is that now, you are the person best equipped to, and most capable of, improving your life. You can make the most difference. It may be reasonable to blame those who hurt you, but it doesn't improve anything.

Answer 6

You just do... if you obsess over it, you will be miserable for the rest of your life. You pick yourself up - dust yourself off and be a big person...

If you really feel that you need support - check out ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics)

People aren't perfect... the cycle did not start with them... society is still working out the bugs...

Other than that - you just employ a little bit of strength and put it behind you... do for others what should have been done for you.

Answer 7

Are they still alive? - If so, you should talk (not confront) to them about it. Something to consider.
Can I suggest a video series- Quest for Authentic Manhood
- you might have to google it, I can't remember the guys name, but he talks about being a real man. And he deals with the parent issue as part of it as well as changing the way you treat others and your own kids. It's really inpiring. I think he wrote a book called "King Me". Robert ----.

Answer 8

my mom did me that way for many years she remarried when i was young and had 3 children by my step dad they became her life and i was just kind of placed on the back burner i thought i had given my mom up many years ago until she passed away 4 weeks ago i thought my heart was going to break into i was at the hospital when she passed and i really felt out of place and i felt the same way at her funeral it was like i didn't belong there ,when your parents push you away i don't think you ever really get over you just learn to deal with ,since her death i have been dealing with a lot of mixed emotions but anger seems to be the biggest factor i guess i felt like i was cheated out of my mothers love i fight with this every day and its very hard to deal with and i really don't think i will ever be at peace with this

Answer 9

By making sure that my own children get all the love and attention they need, and not continuing the cycle.

Answer 10

Stop dwelling on it.
Get some therapy.

Move on with your life.
Stop wasting your time thinking about the past.

Etc.