My parents are divorced and I'm having trouble with my mom. What should I do?

Question

My mom and dad live 100 miles away from eachother and are on really bad speaking terms. I live with my mom, and go to school here in the week and my parents switch off weekends for custody. I am 15 but my mom still treats me like a child, not taking my feelings into consideration. I do everything for her: get straight A's, play sports, try and help out around the house, but still we get into huge arguements and trys to tell me what i really want. Well, what I really want it to live with my dad, because I'm unhappy here, and I don't see him enough. But she goes on telling me things like "you're just anxious to go up there this weekend, that is why you are saying these things." I've even been harsh sometimes but she makes excuses for everything I say. I can't really do this anymore. What do I need to do or say to my mom to get her to really take my feelings into consideration? What do I do to make her realize how much I am hurting living here? We need change. I'm unhappy.

Answer 1

Honey I am sooo sorry. My son is 15 and it would be terrible if I thought I wasn't hearing him... OK first, you must talk to her calmly and clearly. Choose a time when you both have a bit of down time, maybe bedtime? Then tell her you need to talk to her about something that is serious to you. Then lay out how you feel by telling her how you feel, how long you've felt this way and what causes it. Don't attack her, tell her about you and how you need and miss your dad. I think she'll listen. Good luck. PS Do not feel bad about needing your dad, cuz you do need him. It is ok.

Answer 2

Don't forget that the parent you live with is always going to be the one you have your struggles with for the most part, and the other parent tends not to have to get involved in those day-to-day arguments.

There's nothing wrong with your wanting to be with your father, but don't forget that day-to-day arguments could start if you were with him for any length of time as well. Also, the hard thing about divorce (when people move 100 miles away from each other) is the children can't be with whatever parent they wish to be with as often as they wish. (I can't help but wonder who it was that chose to move 100 miles away....)

Try to talk calmly with your mother. Ask if maybe she and you could see a counselor. Bear in mind that a judge gave your mother custody. Bear in mind, too, that there's the chance your father may have done something that you don't know about, and your mother doesn't want to tell you because she doesn't want to interfere with your admiration of him. In the meantime, though, she may do things or say things you don't understand because you may not know the whole picture.

Hang in there. 18 isn't that far off, and then nobody has any say but you as far as who you live with, provided they want the arrangement.

Answer 3

She sounds as though she is bitter about her divorce from your father and is taking her emotions out on you; maybe. She must be venting and projecting her frustrations outward. The way it sounds as though maybe your mother never had any communication skills and is lacking empathy for anybody except herself. You may be in a precarious position in which nothing you do personally will change or help the circumstance you are in. What I personally would do is leave the room each time she decides to act-up. If moving in with your father is an alternative and you have a better relationship with him then this may be a great alternative since you need a father figure in your life.

Answer 4

Perhaps, just perhaps, the problem is that your mum has lost your dad, and now she is scared of losing you too. It sounds as if she is trying to persuade herself that you are still her little girl.

It will be very difficult. Some parents find it hard to let go. You just have to keep plugging away. Try not to get angry with her, she will just take it as proof that she is right. The trouble is that if she puts her mind to it, she will take everything as proof she is right. Maybe change tack slightly, and start asking her advice on things like clothes and make-up, take her shopping with you. (I know you would probably rather die than be seen in something she would think is suitable, but just putting yourself on an equal level rather than mum / daughter may help).

Answer 5

Talk to your dad to see if living with him is a viable option. If it is he can contact his lawyer and have a court hearing set up. If your parents have a custody agreement through the courts it has to go in front of a judge. The judge will most likely take your request into consideration, but it is not a guaruntee that you will get what you want.

Answer 6

It doesn't sound like either of you have taken the time to sit down and discuss these things. I suggest you make a date with each other to do exactly that, and have a neutral 3rd person there to help you stay calm. In a situation like that, you are both more open to the other's ideas and able to talk honestly and fairly.
Good luck!

Answer 7

it is tough to have divorced parents even sometimes stressfull. Have you spoken to your mom about your fellings. tell her how important this is for you. Tell your mom the truth. Mabe when you are felling like that go for a nice run outside that will clear your fellings and you wont be harsh anymore.

Answer 8

Your best bet is to sit down with her and talk about it calmly. Just explain to her NICELY that you arent happy and that something needs to change or you will have to move in with your dad! Let her know you love her but you dont like living with her if she is going to treat you this way!... it worked with me and my dad! he staightened up! GOOD LUCK

Answer 9

um.....sorry to bust your bubble. but at 15, YOU ARE STILL A CHILD!!!!!!!. now, that being said. Get your father involved and move in with him....unless he doesn't want you around most of the time....you know.....having such a mature adult as yourself around might cramp his style and upset his girlfriends....they might not need the competition.

Answer 10

at 15 you do and can say wher you want to live..ask your dad's lawyer how you can do this...because if your unhappy where your at you should go to where you will be...then you should work on the realtionship with your mother...