It seems recently that my parents have become so distant from me. I have one younger sister who just got married and bought a house. I am very happy for her she deserves to be happy. But it dissapoints me when my parents come down to see me and my boyfriend and never want to do anything and act like they do not want to be there or be with me. (like saying things like, well, your sister invited us to the demolotion derby tonight and we were going to go there, but since you invited us here first..i guess...) and it made me feel bad. But my question is, i know they are going to go to my sisters house for christmas. Christmas has been huge for us in our family, but ive been so distant from all of them lately physically and mentally (family lives 1-4 hours apart) My boyfriend and i with his family have two places to go within 30 mins of where we live for the holidays. Is it wrong of me to skip christmas with my family because of the mental and physical distance and go with his fam?
2006-08-29 11:22:56 · 23 answers · asked by magickitty0621 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It doesn't sound to be wrong. You should feel a greater sense of seperation from your parents psychologically. It is good to be close and appreciate the good things about your parents. You should also be removed enough that the negatives they throw at you you are able to let go of and not have this drama that you have to go through. If you want and feel it's important to go to Christmas with them then go in spite of the distance. If you don't, a break in tradition is good sometimes, just let them know you would have liked to be there and wish them a Merry Christmas!
2006-08-29 11:41:06 · answer #1 · answered by Thomas 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to do what you feel is right. Of that you should already be sure. But maybe it is because they are feeling that you should be doing something you are not. But I would wait for the invitation and then decide. There are times where you may be better to not go, you have to think about it and search your soul for the real answer. I think that they are treating you a bit mean. If your sister was really so giving why did she not offer to invite you and your bf to go to the demo derby and make it a family thing.
Do I sense a bit of sibling rivalry?
2006-08-29 11:29:38 · answer #2 · answered by admiralgill 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would confront my parents. Let them know how "brushed off" you feel. I would tell them what your plans are for Christmas as well. Maybe they'll understand from that how you feel. If your boyfriends family is expecting you I would try to get by there at some point. It's an important holiday for many families to be with their family. You should choose one over the other necessarily. Maybe not on Christmas day, maybe Christmas eve you could do something with your family. Good Luck!
2006-08-29 11:28:48 · answer #3 · answered by noneofyourbizwax 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suppose there's nothing wrong with it but if you miss it you might hurt your sisters feelings. If you miss this christmas then you'll just grow furthur apart to a point where you'll no longer speak and there's nothing worse than having no family there to be there when you need them. Of course if you feel you should spend time with your bfs parents which is understandable make sure you at least tell them that its because your bf wants to vsit his parents, that way they won't take it personal. How about you go down new years or something, they'll know you're making a effort then. Best of luck.
x
2006-08-29 11:31:20 · answer #4 · answered by lou2egi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Family is family. Alot of times we run from issues instead of facing the issue. Maybe you should talk with your family and let them know how you feel and see if you can find the source of why your relationship has grown distant. If your going to spend christmas with your bf's family spend it because your taking turns at the holiday so that each of you can enjoy your family not because your mad. Life is short live it like it is.
2006-08-29 11:34:54 · answer #5 · answered by c_m_b817 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you're own family is failing you, make your own family. You have three options here:
First: Go to your sister's house and be miserable...
Second: Go to your boyfriend's family's house and be guilty...
Third: Stay at your own house, invite a bunch of friends that maybe don't have alot of family, and host an "orphan's christmas". You can do things your own way, make what you want for dinner, and talk freely at the table about whatever you want.
This is what I prefer to do...it makes the holidays much less stressful!!!
2006-08-29 11:29:48 · answer #6 · answered by Chellebelle78 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't believe so; as long as you let them know how much you love them. Is not a good to be distant from your family. My parents live in Peru and even then we keep a very tight relationship. Is very rare spending Xmas with them but I appreciate the fact that their heart is with me that day. Do not ever be distant from your family because it always comes back to get you. Is completely acceptable you want to go with your BF's family. I am sure they will not mind!
2006-08-29 11:27:32 · answer #7 · answered by Jessica G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As we become adults our relationship with our parents changes. It becomes time to realize that your parents are people and have preferences and favorites even if they won't admit it. In some cases, their discomfort may come from the boyfriend. It's sad to see familial relationships deteriorate but you need to decide what is best for you and your future. It's great to maintain contact and a healthy relationship even if it means spending less time together. If visits are mentally taxing, change the situation to make them enjoyable. If that means don't visit, don't visit. At least not as often.
2006-08-29 11:35:31 · answer #8 · answered by lumos 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know there is a lot to deal with but try to work it out with your parents as life is just too short, You don't realize this until it's too late. It's all just petty, sounds like you love your parents a lot, so try to work it out. I know as my mom just passed away in may, she was only 59 so I thought naturally we had so much time, we didn't! Let it go and work it out, I don't know how we will get thru a Christmas without my mom as she made the holidays for us! Actually she was the holidays for us with everything she did from the extra decoration to baking and cooking, carols and everything. You never know how things will happen so don't that things important to you for granted, sincerely!
2006-08-29 11:53:40 · answer #9 · answered by Rocky C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think its wrong, if anything it might make ur parents realize tht u r hurt, tht they miss u and tht something needs to be done about the situation. Have u not told ur parents ur feelings and tht when they say those things they hurt you? I think the best way to solve something is to communicate about it, they don't no how ur feeling and vice versa. Maybe ur taking all of this too serious and in reality it's not tht bad. But in all I think tht showing ur parents tht u are hurt is the best thing, maybe spending time with ur boyfriends family would be the best.
Good luck,
Cheers
2006-08-29 11:30:21 · answer #10 · answered by ☼ Latina Loca loves Yayo ☼ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋