Just don't care anymore?

Question

Here's the deal: I - by choice - have not dated anyone in 4 years. The last boyfriend I had and all the games he played almost killed me, after all the other bad choices I've made in my life. So, I pretty much have decided that love is not worth it, and I don't care if I ever meet another man (and no I'm not gay).
I, when in a relationship or dating, am a VERY passionate person, but I've given up on the thought or hope that I will ever again be in a position where I even WANT to be dating. Has nothing to do with sex, that's an entirely different story (men will know what I mean). I always want sex, I just don't want the annoying person around afterward. And it seems like when I "act that way", they get all clingy and crap, and that makes it even worse.
I've been engaged twice, never quite made it work out, so now that I am alone, other than hanging out with my friends, what do I do? Is this normal? Sometimes I really want to hold someone, but then, that whole annoying person thing.....

Answer 1

I think that you just need to find someone who is as passionate as you. It sounds that you don't like people who aren't like you, which is ok. "Opposites attract" obviously doesn't apply to you. Don't give up and get that apathy feeling, keep at it and eventually you'll get over the "hump" so to speak and find someone who you can finally be happy with.

Answer 2

yes it is a choice, but the harsh reality is not everyone is like your ex-boyfriend, there are some decent guys out there.
yes it is also your choice not to love another man, just have the one night stand, you can pay for that and they won't stay around for the cuddling, which most women want.
maybe you should look into yourself before you blame the entire male species for your discomfort and choices in life.
if you wanna get close to someone, you have to let go of all the apprehension you have developed with your choices of mates you have made in the past.
you must like everyone else who lost at love carry on until you find it again then hold on with both hands, going at the rate you heading your friends will eventually pass you by and you will probably end up leading a life of that of a hermit.
remember one thing, love is not the annoying person that cares for you, the annoying person is the one who closes the door on love

Answer 3

This is a simple case of you just haven't found the right person. Here is what i think you should do: At this point you need to be honest with yourself about the kind of guy you want. Then use an personal add on the net to screen down the pool of guys. Bottom line is if your hot you'll get alot of interest on line, just be selective and focus on shared interests. Just understand that "i like to read", hang out, eating out are BS. You gotta be specific: If you go to the gym every day you gotta be with a guy who goes to the gym every day. If like to walk your dog and hit star bucks every Sunday morning then you need a dude who like walks and Starbucks. Listen the stigma is off Internet dating, in 2sec you find out if someone is single, smokes, where they live. You don't get that at a hook up spot.

And the clingy thing--if you just want a booty call -then you need to say this is a booty call do the heavy lifting and hit the road---Half the guys "think" you want to snuggle afterward.---Most guys can deal with that. If they are annoying; then that's on you; you can't get a booty call that can't go 2 hour s without being annoying?

Answer 4

Only you can break this cycle. Perhaps you need to have some causal relationships first, no pressure on you or him. Let him know straight away that you are not interested in having a BF. Maybe that way you can control just a little bit more and will give you a chance to meet more men. Good Luck. I'd give you a no strings attached hug, no problem

Answer 5

i don't care if i'm getting a contravention, as long as i are not getting greater beneficial than 2 in a week, i would be advantageous, yet I oftentimes by no ability get them till some *** is going around reporting solutions for no reason.

Answer 6

I think because of your past experience and your "bad choices"... you've unconsciously closed yourself off to people, in particular men, and have built a wall around your heart. You don't want to break yourself down to enjoying someone who wants to be with you because you've given up on the hope. What you're going through is normal, but not healthy. You should either seek a therapist or read some books on it. It's hard to get past but I've seen many friends go through it. They expended their love on people who hurt them and after that they were just done with that whole romance and love ordeal. You just feel like you don't want to try again and you don't want to get attached. You won't have a healthy relationship if you don't get past this and open yourself up and be vulnerable again.

Answer 7

i know how you feel. been there done that and said the same thing.until i wound up meeting someone online and now we been living together for 2 years...neither one of us was looking for a significant other at all.....it just happened and now we are in love. you cant base your past experiences on every man you meet. one day when you find the right man you wont be saying you dont want the annoying person around you. of course you want to be held ,,it gets lonely ..your day will come when you find the right person,,,,,im 35 and it took me forever to find the right man for me. just give it some more time. you knight will come to you one day.

Answer 8

maybe you'll find someone and maybe you won't. not being in any relationship is better than being in a bad one. although you sound like the ideal chick- want sex and no annoying person around afterwards!! I hate to see a few bad apples ruin all of mankind for you but it can be fustrating. maybe look in the mirror to find what is wrong. why are you attracting the wrong kind of men?

Answer 9

OK if you are hurt physically or verbally or mental then it is hard to trust a person of that sex to be in a situation like that but if you want some one to hold find a yes this is normal

Answer 10

Don't give up, you just haven't found the right guy. Sounds like you are physically attracted to Mr wrong, those (I call them cute jerks) are selfish and usually aren't going anywhere. You have to decide to be happy and content with yourself first than viola the right guy will show up.Maybe change your standards on the physical a little.