Is my boyfriend too controlling? I'm a little scared?

Question

I've been with my new boyfriend for a little while and i have noticed that we've been arguing every day over stuff like him not getting me on my cell or any little thing. He calls to see exactly what i'm wearing anywhere and he throws a fit when he call and i don't get the phone. One time on the phone his accusations was so irregular that i started to laugh and he started get mad telling me that I have some other guy over that why I was acting funny on the phone. It's at the point that I be in tears all the time. I really do like him, but he hates the thought that I have male friends. If I don't do what he tells me to do he gets a real attitude. He wants to know every little thing i'm doing. One time I had to stay on the phone with him for the whole time at a bar so he could hear if any guy approached me. also he has threatened to kill any guy that try to get at me. I mean i'm really feeling him, but i am begining to fear that his attraction might become obsession..Please let me know

Answer 1

Hi. I think you know the answer, you just want to hear it from someone else. Yes, honey your boyfriend is controlling as well as jealous, insecure and possessive. I am sure all of his attention was really cool and cute in the beginning. But dig what you are saying he is doing...asking you what you are wearing each day, asking you to talk on the phone the entire time you are at a bar...these things are not cute. What will happen in time is you will grow tired of it (it sounds like you are already) and one day you wont tell him what you are wearing or comply with some request that you wont be feeling and you are going to see an ugly side to him. Besides all of this, you guys are arguing about little dumb stuff now and you said its only been "a little while" He obviously does not trust you. What you need to do is ask yourself a few very simple questions..Can you put up with this for another 6 months? another year? the rest of your life? You may not be thinking of him THAT long term since you just started dating but the bottom line is if you can't see yourself being with him down the road, you are wasting your time. And you life, time and self respect are things you can never regain once it is lost.

Answer 2

It sounds like he has some control issues and sever anxiety and insecurity with relationships. It is perfectly normal and fine to have male friends while in a relationship. It is not normal and ok to make you cut off a 10 year friendship, any guy who does that is practically screaming insecurity and manipulation. Him trying to make you feel bad while visiting a female friend is also a sign of control and manipulation. Basically it sounds like he is trying to "break" you into the obedient, controlled house wife. which I've noticed is a case with alot of older men dating younger women, they will take advantage of the younger one and manipulate them. However it could also possibly be that he has had some major issues with past relationships and he's taking extreme measures to prevent it from happening with you. I would suggest talking to him about it, if he can't see your point i would suggest counseling, any guy who threatens to hurt himself over simple matters has extreme issues or is an extreme manipulator. If he doesn't change You should probably find someone else. There's a 13 year age difference there, someone closer to your age would be alot better.

Answer 3

Yes, he certainly is. And this is coming from a fellow male. An extremely protective one at that. Obviously it through up a red flag when he made you stay on the phone the whole time... go with your gut.

I would get out. You obviously don't trust him to maintain a reasonable level of jealousy and control, and he obviously doesn't trust you in any aspect. Period. And trust is the most important relationship foundation. Without it... nothing good will come.

Do both of you a favor and get out. He may lose control and harm you in some physical way if he is that unstable. And if not... you may end up so emotionally attached that you CANT get out when finally need to.

Answer 4

I'm on the same boat right now, in a new relationship. He gets so mad when I go out with my friends or smoke/drink without him around. He doesn't like the fact that I have a lot of guy friends(whom I've never slept with believe it or not). Sometimes he freaks out when his friends are around because he thinks they are trying to sweet talk me into bed or I have already slept with them. Being with him seems like a full time job sometimes.
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But my advice to you is this.....if you think that you have the strength and power, go about doing what you want to do regardless of what he wants. He may not be used to a women like you who is strong minded and can control her own life.
I'm sure he does things that you don't know about. The only way a relationship will work is if there is complete trust. If you both are faithful and honest to each other, then you both should be able to have freedom and reunite daily or weekly with no negative thoughts. As long as you re-assure him that he's your only one and you will never cheat, he should lighten up.

Answer 5

You need to get away from this guy. Seriously he is not right and it will only get worse the longer you stay with him. It could be flattering at times but its going to get real ugly real fast. Why would you even stay on the phone at the bar ?? Your giving in to his crazy requests. The more you do the more he will want and it will never end. He will ruin your friendships and eventually your happiness. Life is too short girl. Run away from this guy fast.

Answer 6

Been there, done that! I know what you are going through! You are justifying staying with him because sometimes he is so sweet and just the person you know you want and you think that the good will override the bad. Please, you have to try and get out of this relationship and move on, there are better guys out there and when you find one you will look back on this and wonder why you ever stayed because you deserve so much better. I know it's scary and you think you can't and you don't want to hurt him, but it's you that is being hurt! Be strong! You CAN do this! Just don't rebound and find someone right away, find yourself first!

Answer 7

Why are you asking? You know the answer. Do it. I have been married for 11 yrs only 28 yrs old and my man started like that and pretty soon he was checking me and smelling me when I got home from work 8 min instead on the 7 he gave me. Im still in it and I have 3 kids it is not worth it. It is something in his head and it won't go away. My husband is obsessed with me and when we make love he still creeps me out. He says he loves me but in a way that if he can't have me he will kill me. He is crazy leave him fast.

Answer 8

I have been in a very similar situation. You need to get out before he gets even more controlling. He is running your life. Do you really want to be with someone who treats you like you are a piece in a chess game? He sounds like he is way to jealous. If you can't have male friends now, it will only get worse. My ex took my cell phone and deleted every guys phone number out of my phone, including my dads which was under dad. My best freind actully married a guy like this, and she is miserable. We can't go to the movies without him calling 6 times during the movie, making her miss most of the movie. Please for your own sake, get out of this relationship before you end up pregnant. You do not want to bring a baby into this kind of relationship.

Answer 9

That is a scary relationship and bordering on pathological. Why would you want to stay in a relationship that you have to live in fear? If you have only been with this man for a little while and he is acting this way, you can be sure that it will only get worse in time. I would say, get out now while you can.

Answer 10

There is no doubt that he is WAY too controlling and you need to end the relationship immediately. Keep track of his phone calls or attempts to contact you after you've told him it's over, because it's possible you'll have to get a restraining order on him, and a log of his activity will help.
Sorry you're going through this!