10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.
9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt
8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God
7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!
6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.
5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.
4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."
3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.
2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.
1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian
2006-08-29 09:23:41 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
TOP TEN WAYS TO ANNOY A FUNDAMENTALIST CHRISTIAN (while remaining moderately respectful)
10. Call the Bible "just a book" and refuse to accept it as "proof" of anything otherthan that there is a book called the Bible. Use quotes from Dan Brown counter any and all Biblical quotes and insist upon their infallibility.
9. Tell them that, despite what they believe, they do not KNOW there is a God.
8. Ask them what they would say to their next door neighbour's 13 year old daughter if she told you she was pregnant with God's child and a virgin.
7. Point out the inconsistencies in their belief system in the form of a "Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian" list.
6. Ask them to explain how, if God has a plan, they expect him to change it all around in answer to their prayers.
5. "Translate" their speaking in tongues as commercial catch phrases like "all aspirin are alike," "Coke is It," and "I can't believe I ate the WHOLE thing."
4. Do a "happy little God dance" every time they say "Jesus."
3. Move their small statues of Jesus one inch to the right while saying say "Check mate."
2. Interrupt any prosyletizing by saying "Amen! Halellujah, my Brother/Sister!" very loudly.
And the number one way to annoy a Fundamentalist Christian (while remaining moderately respectful) is
drum roll....
To leave the number one way to annoy a Fundamentalist Christian (while reamining moderately respectful) blank.
Sorry, kids... I'm tapped. I got nuthin'.
2006-08-29 09:57:07 · answer #1 · answered by ZombieTrix 2012 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This "question" (!?!) has been "asked" dozens of times here already. The "question" contains many outright lies and gross distortions about the bible and true Christianity. Here are a few Scriptural thoughts to consider:
(Romans 16:17) Keep your eye on those who cause divisions and occasions for stumbling contrary to the teaching that you have learned, and avoid them.
(2 Corinthians 4:4-6) The god of this system of things has blinded the minds of the unbelievers
(Philippians 2:14-15) In among a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you are shining as illuminators in the world
(1 Timothy 6:3-5) If any man teaches other doctrine and does not assent to healthful words, those of our Lord Jesus Christ, nor to the teaching that accords with godly devotion, he is puffed up with pride, not understanding anything, but being mentally diseased over questionings and debates about words. From these things spring envy, strife, abusive speeches, wicked suspicions, violent disputes about trifles on the part of men corrupted in mind and despoiled of the truth
Learn more:
http://www.watchtower.org/library/w/2003/3/1/article_01.htm
2006-08-30 05:30:35 · answer #2 · answered by achtung_heiss 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Ok, this could take awhile...
1. Not ALL Christians feel outraged as you state. You are totally basing this off the very few who do. Most of us feel sorrow or compassion towrds those that do not see the light
2. Ok, forget the whole number thing. I just finished writing ALL 10 out and when I went to "submit" it said I had to re-log in and erased all I had written!! AAARRGGHH!!! Well, I guess God interacted and didn't want you to see the truth just yet.
But in a nutshell if you do "know" the Bible better than me then you must have read the scripture that states "There needs be opposition in all things" So thank you for Proving the Bible right. Without your "opposing" views we would have to question if the Bible was correct now wouldn't we?
2006-08-29 09:34:46 · answer #3 · answered by nooodle_ninja 4 · 1⤊ 4⤋
LAUREN AND JOSHUA D:
SHUT THE HELL UP YOU MORONS!~
heheh ^^ very cute and funny post.
"1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian" BEAUTIFUL!~
2006-08-29 09:34:41 · answer #4 · answered by happiest_phantom 2 · 5⤊ 1⤋
What's the difference between God and Lucifer? Heaven-hell
Life-death
Spirit-flesh
Truth-lie
Light-dark
Creator-created
Almighty-defeated
What sin is worth eternal joy?
2006-08-29 10:40:45 · answer #5 · answered by spareo1 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Wonderful. Thank you!
And yet when we speak our mind when fanatics put their beliefs in our face, we get that disapproving look as though we deserve to go to hell -- despite the pretense of love!
2006-08-29 09:31:05 · answer #6 · answered by SB 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋
A great summary of truths. I thank you for sharing this with the lost children of centuries-old brainwashing.
2006-08-29 11:26:25 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Outstanding
2006-08-29 09:29:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 2⤋
I agree, but most of us who agree have gotten that in our e-mail. A question and some of your own words would have been nice.
2006-08-29 09:29:41 · answer #9 · answered by GreenEyedLilo 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
ouch! But like most jokes (and I put top ten lists in that category), they are funny cuz they're based on truth.
2006-08-29 09:32:23 · answer #10 · answered by Church Music Girl 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋