2006-08-29 08:47:42 · 24 answers · asked by dosyposie 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
How did Germany invade Poland?
They walked in backwards and said they were leaving!
2006-08-29 08:51:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
There was this married couple doing yard work. The wife was beant over pulling weeds and the husband looked at her and said lawd your azz is huge in fact I'll bet your but is bigger then barbecue grill. So he went and got a tape measurer and measured the grill yep I told you yo azz is 3 inches wider then the dayam barbecue grill.
So later that night when they were in bed the husband was trying to get some sex and wife told him if you think I'm bout to fire up this big azz grill for that little wiener your crazy! LMAO
2006-08-29 15:58:22 · answer #2 · answered by Sasha 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Understanding Engineers – Take One
Two engineering students crossing the campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
Understanding Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers - Take Three
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." "Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Four
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers - Take Five
"Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it."
Engineers believe that "if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet"
Understanding Engineers - Take Six
An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."
Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool
2006-08-29 15:52:17 · answer #3 · answered by lonnie_m_d 4 · 6⤊ 1⤋
Ok this one is bad so warning - also if you are under a certain age it will be meaningless to ya but so long as you are old enough to mind the old tunes advert in the 80's you'll be fine..
A guy walks into a train station and says to the girl behind the counter in a bunged up/stuffy accent -
'A return to Nottingham please'
The woman can't make him out so again all bunged up and sniffly he says -
'A return - to Nottingham..'
The woman whilst issuing the ticket says -
'I think you need some Tunes mate'
And he replies
'Why do they cure down syndrome!?'
2006-08-29 16:01:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
A turtle is tryin to cross the freeway. take the f outta free and the f outta way. will he make it across.
Answer: theres no F in way.
lmao, i learned it at camp and it made me laugh soo much
2006-08-29 15:53:06 · answer #5 · answered by bonez 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a
sperm count.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home
and Bring back a semen sample tomorrow."
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's
office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as
on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man
explained:
Well, doc, it's like this - First I tried with my right
hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still
nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her
right hand, then her left, still nothing. She tried with her
mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and
still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door
and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and
she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still
nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep. None of us could get the jar
open."
2006-08-29 16:00:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
There were three men trying to cross a raging river. The first one said "God please give me strength so I can swin across the river!". He suddenly became super strong. When he tried to swim across the river he drowned because he was not smart enough to know how to swim. The second man said "God please give me super intelligence so I can make a raft to cross the river!". He suddenly became super smart and built a raft in which to cross the river. He tried to cross the river but was not strong enough to move the raft across and fell off and drowned. The third and final man said "Please God, please give me super strength and super intelligence so I can cross the river!". The man suddenly turned into a woman, looked at the map, walked a half mile down the river and crossed the bridge to the other side!
I love this joke!!!!
2006-08-29 16:02:20 · answer #7 · answered by M 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Three Feelings:
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant, Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and Panic is when both are pregnant.
2006-08-29 18:00:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's early evening and the shadows are steadily growing longer as a man and a young boy venture into the woods together hand-in-hand.
"I don't want to go in there," says the little boy, "it's dark and I'm afraid."
"How do you think I feel?" replies the man. "I have to walk out of there on my own."
------
Please God, shoot me.
2006-08-29 16:02:31 · answer #9 · answered by Simon D 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
The one from many years ago 'The wide mouthed frog' anyone remember it?
2006-08-29 15:59:17 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋