Question For Stay At Home Mothers?

Question

Now this question isn't for ALL of the stay at home mom's:
Some of you, from what I have read, like to talk a little smack about working mothers. Not everyone can have the luxary to stay at home and raise their kids, and for those of you can.. good for you. I guess what I am asking is are you saying that if mothers can't afford to stay home they shouldn't have kids? Is that really fair to the people who, for whatever reason (because there are a lot), are single parents. Or people who really want kids, but their jobs don't pay enough for one person to stop working long enough to raise a kid?
I have never once bashed a stay at home mom, but, I know there are people who do. All I've ever seen though is SAHM bashing those who HAVE to work.
Serious answers only please. I would prefer to hear from the stay at home mothers that think this way, but seeing as I can not stop anyone from answering this question.. please be nice and give real answers.

For the person who said, if I really wanted to I could stay home with my daughter..
No I couldn't. Both of us have to work in order to get all the bills paid and still put food on the table. I don't have designer clothes, or a big screen TV or a fancy car (although I insist on having a safe and reliable car.. but it's a used car). We live paycheck to paycheck. If for whatever reason, after bills are paid and shopping is done.. we have some extra cash, yes we will buy something that we don't necessarly need, but it's not often. By no means are we poverty stricken, we both have good jobs that may reasonably well but without both incomes we would be screwed.

danskecat:
It's great you waited to have children untill you were 100% ready.. but my 3 year old wasn't exactly planned. Not that we would EVER change the decision we made to keep her. Words can't even begin to describe how much I love her, anyway, I'm getting off the subject..
I spend all my free time with her. She definitly knows who I am and she lets me know how much she loves me. My house is still in order, I happen to have someone who actually wants to help clean and keeo the house neat. I do work full time, but have flexibilty to leave early if I need to. She isn't in daycare, she is watched at a private sitter and is not ignored at all. Between myself and her sitter teaching her things, I have myself a very smart little girl.

Answer 1

I am a stay at home mom and I have enormous respect for women who work full time, raise a family and take care of their homes. I know that I am fortunate to have a husband who can support my wish to stay home with my child. My older sister has an in-home daycare because she can't afford not to work. When I first decided to be a stay at home mom, she gave me all kinds of grief, and made me feel like I was a spoiled wife who lived in the lap of luxery. I don't understand why moms who work outside the home and moms who work inside the homes can't have mutual respect for one another. No matter where we go when we get up in the morning, we're all working, some of us just get paid for it. Isn't the important thing whether or not our children are healthy and happy??

Answer 2

I think it should be the parent that has the lowest income that stayed at home to raise the children! Which in most households it would be the mother! Some couples still can't afford to do this though even if they got a "huge tax credit." I am fortunate enough that my partner earns more than enough so I can stay at home - I will be getting Maternity pay from my work for 9 months and then I plan to stay at home for another 3 months and then go back to work part time (only a few hours a week) - As I think this will help as going back to work after been a stay at home mother for 5 years would be hard going - so I think it would be better to continue working a few hours a week. My child will be at my mothers or my partners mothers while I am working so I wouldn't have to pay for childcare like most people!

Answer 3

having been both a SAHM and a working mom, i sit on the top of the fence here. As a single mom it is hard to find dependable childcare when working 2nd shift. I am a manager for a fast food joint so my shifts are all over the place. I became a SAHM when my daughter became ill. On top of lossing the only income, the state only offered half of what i was used to making. I opened a home day care and loved it. now that i have returned to the work force, i miss the little things like being there when the kids get of the bus from school, or having the time to make dinner and not have to rush there it in order for the kids to get to bed on time.
I also enjoy being in the worf force because i can give my children the little extras like football and cheerleading, a new book, or having that one day a month that the phones, tvs, and computer is shut off and we talk, laugh, play board games, cook together and just relax.
i say shame on everyone that cant find something nice to say about the person on the other side of the fence.
those who talk smack need to learn to walk in someone elses shoes for even just a day.

Answer 4

I am a SAHM and I think it is great if you can afford to not work and raise children. I look at it as a luxury. We decided that if we wait to be in this position then we wait. I would never want to raise children having to work and live paycheck to paycheck. We both decided if that were the situation, then we wouldn't have children. I don't disagree with mothers choosing to work and have kids. Everyones situation is unique and different. What I do disagree with is mothers that don't need the money but work full-time anyways. They drop their children off at a 40 hour a week daycare or have someone else raise their children so they can have fancy luxuries. I disagree that a woman can have both and be %100 successful at both. If a woman works in a high power job 40-50 hours a week and also has children. You have to wonder how close and happy her children are to her. Do they call her a mom? Does she really know and enjoy them? Just wondering. My mom worked 40 hours a week while my grandma raised me. I don't feel close to my mom at all. In fact, my grandma was my real mom. She gets most credit. I have worked in childcare for many years and it was sad to see all the children that had to be in daycare since they were tiny babies full time. These children suffered emotionally and socially. So basically, if you can work part-time and raise children, then that is great. You are getting the best of both worlds. But a mother who hates to stay home and would rather work, will be a terrible SAHM. She is better off working. So if you have to work to pay the bills and you have children, that is great. Everyone is different.

Answer 5

Okay, here's an honest answer with no bashing. I have the luxury to stay home. I watch a neighbor boy because they're in a similar situation as you (from what I've read). Here is what we talk about in our house about their situation. If we were them, we'd downsize our living. We'd transfer our work or get another job with a higher pay, buy a smaller home with a more manageable mortgage (possibly out of state where it's cheaper) and adjust our income to mortgage ratio to where the breadwinner worked and the other stay home (mom or dad, it doesn't matter). The way we see it, your children are home with you a fraction of your life. Then they're on their own the rest. Enjoy them while they're still under your nose. They'll be plenty of time to work later. My 2 cents. Hope I didn't offend you. God Bless.

Answer 6

i am lucky enough to have a PT job that i like, and that pays enough so i can stay home the rest of the time. i DON'T think that people should only have kids if they can stay at home. kids that come from SAHM homes get the benefit of a mom who's there all the time, but kids who go to daycare get the benefit of socialization with other kids from an early age.

the important thing is the quality of time spent with your kids. i read a study that said that working moms spent the SAME amount of quality time with their kids as SAHMs, bc SAHMs are also running errands, cleaning house, etc, while working moms focussed on the kids 100% when they got home (i guess leaving the housework till after they went to bed?).

HTH

Answer 7

I have found that when I post a question directed toward the bashers they are nowhere to be found. When you really want them to back up their position they can't and therfore will hide.
I'm a SAHM who feels fortunate enought that I can stay at home with my son. There is no way I will find a part-time job that will pay me enough to make it worth the cost of day care. Nor will it pay me enough to be worth leaving my son in the hands of another. We are grateful that our family economy can survive these next few years until kindergarten.
So, I am one of those SAHMs who have respect for you and sees it that no matter what, you are providing for your children the best that you can.

Answer 8

what matters most is what YOU think.forget the bashing and the criticism working mothers get.some moms have to work their asses off to provide their kids with a better way of living like a nice home,good schools,medical care....
However,on vacations and weekends they have to spend QUALITY time with their kids and provide themwith all the attention and care they need.
I'm a SAHM by choice because i just can't be a mom and have a job at the same time.I'm positive there r many strong moms out there who can do both perfectly well .

Answer 9

I've noticed the bashing from that religion too. "Live within your means...?" Sometimes people create situations where they have to think better after the fact and after the fact means two parents working. (That'd be me.) Sometimes health issues happen like epilepsy or heart conditions and then what? The man should take two or three jobs and never see his kids or wife? When he's the one with the expensive health issues and cannot maintain a driver's license.... Married women are partners of their husbands, not concubines and cooks and maids.

Okay, I opportunistically vented here, but I'd like to the see the answers to your question too....

Answer 10

I think that a mother has to do whatever is best for her and her family. If a mother can afford to stay home and want to stay home-- GREAT! If a mother wants to work because she enjoys her job and desires to contribute to the house-- GREAT! Whatever works best for you!
As for me..........
I wanted the best of both worlds, so here's my plan for September. I am going to return to work as a Substitute Teacher. I am going to work 3 days per week and I get off work @ 3:00. Therefore, I will continue pursuing my passion (working w/ children) & I will still get to spend alot of time w/ my 5 month old baby. That is what works for me!-- and that's all that matters:)