i've been with my bf for 2 year and we got engaged a year ago and i love him but im just not in love with him anymore. he's been there for me through everything but its just i cant see myself with him in the future. is there anyway i can break up with him without hurting him and still have him in my life?
2006-08-29 07:34:37 · 9 answers · asked by confused and upset 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Attention young lovers and repeat after me, IT IS NOT POSSIBLE TO BREAK UP WITH SOMEONE WHO CARES FOR YOU WITHOUT HURTING THEIR FEELINGS.
Yes, repeat that 10 times an hour until you learn this lesson. Not possible. No, no, no, no.
Now then. You CAN break up with someone with care and dignity which will go a long way to allowing them to recover. This means you do NOT break up with them by letter or e-mail or even by telephone. You do it IN PERSON. This means you tell them, with kindness, that you simply no longer have the feelings for them as you did in the past and it is time for both of you to move on. You allow him to ask all the questions he wants, over and over, until he no longer has any questions. (Remember, his real question will be "why" - to which there really is no answer. When you fall out of love just because life has moved you past the relationship, there is no reason - it just is. Very hard for the other person to accept.) You don't waiver, you don't hold out hope of getting back together, you don't get angry, you don't obfuscate, you don't lie, you just tell the truth.
This is the only way to cleanly break up with someone which will allow them to respect you and how you did that AND will allow them to more quickly get on with their own future.
Good luck!
2006-08-29 07:37:01 · answer #1 · answered by two 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, you might as well put in your head that you ARE going to hurt him. There is no magic word or special thing that you can say that will not cause him any pain. Maybe you can lessen the blow by admitting that you care for him deeply and that you would still value a friendship with him. I would not advise a friendship though because he will misconstrue many things throughout that supposed 'friendship' as signs that you want him back. If you no longer want him as a partner, be as strong as a rock, do it, be there, but don't give him opportunities to plead his case. At this point, break up with him on a Friday, that will give him the opportunity to work through his feelings on the weekend, without the distraction of work. Remember, you owe it to yourself and to him to end something that you are not 100 % committed to.
2006-08-29 07:39:55 · answer #2 · answered by cryingrainbow 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not possible to break up with him without hurting him. Even if he feels the same way, nobody can hear "I've fallen out of love with you" without feeling hurt. Tell him the things that you put in your question and tell him how much you care for him and don't want to hurt him, but that you feel it's the best thing for the both of you if you break up.
Regarding being friends - this is probably unreasonable at first. The wounds will be too raw for both of you. Regardless of how you feel about him, you probably are not ready to hear about him dating other girls and he's not going to be ready to hear the nitty gritty of your life either. If you part ways in as good a way as possible, though, friendship might be possible later.
2006-08-29 07:47:43 · answer #3 · answered by Colleen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Re what you asked: NO, NYET, NEIN, NAHI, NAI
But It hurts the least if you say it straight and can express a reason.
2/ are you sure you've fallen out of love? it may be that the pressure of commitment has overpowered your emotional vibe ( how old can you get?, but I am and old soft hippie, so forgive me). Scared is a very good reason for cold feet.
3 Are you unsure that you can trust the guy, very often our instincts are wiser than our logic. In which case give the fool a chance, talk about the issues, and get answers, after all he might be your keeper, and it's just miscommunication..
Bet of luck and trust your instincts.
I just read Black flag Star's answer and thats the best!!!
2006-08-29 08:03:42 · answer #4 · answered by Gerard S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ys, it is very possible. He may feel the same way about u that u feel about him. Don't be surprised
2006-08-29 07:37:32 · answer #5 · answered by bicheeeened30 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmmmmm
prolly not
but you gotta ease that in, but it'll b one of the hardest things you'll have done
2006-08-29 07:37:10 · answer #6 · answered by beezy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
probally not...i mean hello its been two years and your engaged.
2006-08-29 07:37:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah right.............guess what? I think he's better off without you, and you can tell him that for me.
2006-08-29 07:37:36 · answer #8 · answered by aggie babe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No.
2006-08-29 07:40:06 · answer #9 · answered by melvin100 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋