What do you think? A Poem!!!!!!!!?

Question

I like poetry, and whenever it comes from my heart it isnt as good as when I do one for school. The idea is better but I dont pay atention to similes, onomatopeoia, metaphores etc, but this is one from the heart, so tell me waht you think in a more personal way, not in the english quality. Btw, I am just making it up as I write it.


Twenty-four daggers of fire,
Plunge into my icey heart,
A death toll is played on a lyre,
As my soul rolls away on a ghostly cart.

The days of my hopeing are dead now,
I lay down and enjoy my death.

If only she could break down the barier,
Of friendship, and fear, and unknown,
A white dove would be the carrier
Of our love. On its wings we'd have flown.

The days of my hopeing are dead now,
I lay down and enjoy my death.

Thinking of Her and the Other,
I tear the skin from my flesh,
She sees me now a Brother,
Brother- a barrier- an impenetrable mesh!

The days of my hopeing are dead now,
I lay down and enjoy my death.

Thats all that would fit. My peoms are usually longer.

Answer 1

Poems are great when they come from the heart. It is sometimes pure classic genius too when we write stuff that isn't going to be marked either.

Yours sounds like your going through what we call, "End of summer blues"...
Not to worry though, it is still with purpose.

congrats.

Answer 2

what a........ dont u think u should create a website for it..are u kiddin its great.i have ur feelings believe me....if u read ur poem
to her...oh god i dont know what to say..good luck with ur poems

Answer 3

it was really good. i write poems too. i dont think they r good tho. well c ya.

Answer 4

JIM MORRISSON LIVES.....cool

Answer 5

it's "hoping", without the "e"

Answer 6

KEEP IT UP..I LIKED IT

Answer 7

It's crap

Answer 8

die.