Advice on breaking up....?

Question

I just broke up with my boyfriend because I didn't feel good about us being married. Something was just missing for me. However, I truly love him as a person and I am so upset that I hurt him so bad. He said we can never be friends and that kills me. I feel so depressed about this and I miss having him around. I know though that I can't get back together with him (at least right now) because of the feelings I had. Has anyone ever gone through this? Can I have some words of advice?

Thanks to everyone who can answe this question seriously. I understand people have asked questions like this, but this is my life and I want advice on MY problem. So, if you think thats "moronic" theres no need for you to even be here.

Answer 1

Since the first guy was no help, i will see what I can do.
Let's look at it this way. You have feelings inside telling you that he isn't right for you. That does not mean that he is not a good friend for you. But, you have to remember that this is all different in his eyes right now. It is probably much easier for him to deal with his feelings, with you not around. You have to respect his feelings. More than likely, after some time, he will be willing to become friends again. Right now, if you truly believe he is not right for you, you will have to learn to accept the consequences of the decision you have made. It does not mean it is the wrong decision, just that it is a hard one. Give him some time to deal with all of this, and then try again with the friends thing, but right now, it would never ever work out. He still sees you as the one for him..

Answer 2

I've found that the best way to feel better is to help someone else. When I'm feeling depressed about anything, I'll just call a friend and check up on them to see how they are doing and find out whether there is anything I can help them with. Volunteer at the hospital, the old folks home or the big brother/sister program. You'll find that you are far too busy to dwell on anything to keep you depressed and plus you get a sense of accomplishment and a general great feeling about being instrumental in assisting others. It's like giving a hug. You can't ever give one and not get one back. Use your powers for good elsewhere right now.

You have a pretty good idea of how much you hurt that guy, so give him his space and when he's ready, he'll come to you. You may not be able to go back, but one day (maybe) you'll be friends again.

Answer 3

Don't be upset. This is just a phase both of you are going through. Every breakup is difficult, especially when true love is involved. You need to know that time heal all wounds. As the days go by it gets a little easier. Maybe he really doesn't mean about you guys being friends in the future. He probably said that out of anger.

Answer 4

I think everyone goes through this. A clean break is best move on. Its the kindest thing for him if you really don't feel invested in the relationship. Its also the best course for you. Play the field and get to know more men as friends before you see them as lovers. If a friendships survive without sex then your on your way to the real thing. The biggest problem with a lot of relationships is that start off as hot physical things and then when you get around to the emotional and intellectual thing you find your not compatible at all.

Answer 5

been there and there are no good words that can solve that problem. Go out with frineds and do things that will get you mind off of this. Only time will heal and hanging out with others helps. But time is the only thing that heals. I still have not talked to my x and i felt so bad about breaking up with her and I know I crushed her but she said that we could not be friends so I had to do what you are doing. it has been months and I am finally getting over that. I am out meeting new people and I would still like to call her up and just hang out but I know that she can not do that and I will just respect that and do my own thing and move on with my life. Hope you find the happiness that you want and desirve.

Answer 6

Ignore the stupid reply from the first person, people shouldn't answer questions if they don't like them. If you feel that the two of you aren't meant to be together then you did the right thing, even though it's hard right now, it will get easier over time and maybe eventually you two can be friends again.

Answer 7

WOW good for you to find it out before you got married instead of after wards. You can love someone in so many different ways. Maybe with time he will come around to being your friend he is hurting but don't be depressed for doing what is right for you. Stay strong!

Answer 8

Honestly, I think you need to give him a few weeks to get his thoughts in order. But....just realize that if you felt those feelings before about not being comfortable with marrying him, they are not going to just go away. If you think that you made a bad decision then do your damndest to get him back. Explain to him exactly how you felt when you broke up with him. But, if you know you made the right decision and you know WHY you made the decision, then you should prolly trust your gut instict and go with it. The heart never lies.........

Answer 9

Why dump him?
Being friends and lovers is the best thing going...if you were in fact friends.

You didn't feel good about him because he wasn't giving you something. Since you can't describe what was missing, you can't expect him to know what "it" is.

Maybe, if you (& he) worked on what was missing from your relationship, he might be able to give "it" to you in abundance. Then you wouldn't need to break up....you would need a church.

Answer 10

Can not understand why then you broke up in the first place? Give it time. may be couple of months. Time is indeed a solution to most of our knotty problems. May be you meet him after this period it might work if he still has some feeling for you.