My boyfriend takes drugs and lies to me about it. Should I dump him?

Question

I have confronted my boyfriend three times after catching him taking pills and coke on nights out. Each time I confront him he says he will never do it again. We have been together for nearly 2 years and although he is normally very loving and caring, it upsets me that once he has admitted doing it, he makes no attempt to regain my trust or apologise for lying to me and carries on as though nothing has happened. Am I a mug? Should I break up with him?

Yes Donua, I love him dearly. He would be perfect without this fundamental flaw! Its going to be painful but you are all spot on and I know it.

Answer 1

I feel your pain. But trust me it will only get worse. My boyfriend started using the same way your boyfriend is and before I new it he was a full blown herione addict. He did the same things your boyfriend is doing, I would confront him and at first he would lie until he would finally admit that he had been using. I know it upsets you that he makes no attempt to regain your trust or apoligize for lieing to you, but the reason why he doesn't is because he can't. He is not going to try to regain your trust or apologize because he knows that if he apoligizes he is once again lieing to you because he is going to go right back out and do it again. So his apologies dont mean anything. So don't look for them. You are not a mug, you love him. I can't tell you to break up with him because I always would break up with my boyfriend and I would take him back. We have been together for 15 years and through those years drugs destroyed any type of normal relationship so we were always back and forth. But now he is recovered and doing well.

First and foremost your boyfriend needs help fast. He is hiding some sort of pain in his drug use. Or he may have just gotten hooked with the wrong crowd (but usually drug use stems from some kind of emotional void or pain a person is trying to fill). He needs to get into some kind of drug treatment program (it doesn't have to be inhouse, he can go to meetings). If he wants to get help, you need to figure out if you want to stand by him through his battle. Because it is a long road to travel. My main concern is you. Please don't ever think that it is something that you are doing wrong. It took me years to figure out that drugs were his choice. It had no reflection on me. I also used to think that if he loved me he would stop (not true). His addiction has nothing to do with you.

Since you have 2 years invested in your relationship you need to take a moment and think is it worth it for him to lie to you, not apoligize for his actions, and watch him spiral up and down like you are both on a rollar coaster? or get out now while you still have the digntiy to hold your head high and walk away. I did just that I left after 2 years held my head up high and walked away. BUT, I turned around and went back and with every chance I took going back, a little of my dignity went with it. I wish I would have kept walking (honestly) and let him battle his own demons without me. Because sad as it is to admit. By you staying with him there is really NOTHING that you can do to make him stop. He has to want to stop. So if you leave he is still going to use and if you stay he is still going to use. But if you want to stay and be the supportive girlfriend to a drug addict believe me its NO FUN its a sad life to live.

If you do decide to stay all I can say is from me to you if you see his drug use getting worse or him moving to stronger drugs. LEAVE. GET OUT FAST. Because soon he wont be able to hold down a job and the money problems start coming, and if you don't already live together he will be knocking on your door for a place to stay, which will soon turn in to a place to come down off of his high.

If you want to talk to me or need support let me know. I can help you through this and not be judgemental like most people are. Its hard to understand what a person goes through when they see the person they love hurting themselves. Its easy for someone on the outside looking in to say LEAVE because they just don't understand. I understand, and I am here, you are not alone.

Answer 2

Yes. Though he may be caring he isn't trustworthy. He's lied to you about it three times. Obviously, he's hooked on drugs and needs help. If he's willing to get that help; being serious about it and wanting to quit; then I still just wouldn't rush back into a romance with him. But allow time to be your answer. You'll know if he's really off drugs or not and has no passion for them. There would be no need for lies, which seriously undermines a relationship horribly. If after he's had treatment and allowed the time for you to see where he's at, and you want to continue this relationship then sure get back together again if that's what you want to do.

Answer 3

YES! YES! YES! I don't know how young you are, but many (too many ) times it is very difficult for those who are "young and in love" (and everyone has been there when they were young) to comprehend that a situation of this kind is not going to improve and go away. If you don't like it now, can you imagine a whole lifetime of living this way? PLEASE, realize there is someone out there who will treat you with honesty and respect! Lying and using drugs are not qualities that disappear easily (if at all). If you had a friend in a some kind of situation what would you tell them to do? You don't like to see your friends hurt, so treat yourself the same way and move on. Also, don't be naive enough to think "that love conquers all" and if you just stay with him and love him things will change. The only change you will experience will be for the worst. I wish you well and hope you respect yourself enough not to settle for such a life full of disappointments and regrets. I have lived this kind of life for the past 35 years and I do understand and hope in another 35 years you have not lived this way and try to convince someone young that it wasn't worth it.

Answer 4

How many chances are you going to give this guy? How can you have a long term relationship if it is not based on trust and honesty? He obviously prefers drugs over you so do you think that is fair?I think you should get out of this relationship as it is unlikely to amount to anything and your own self-respect will go down the pan with it. I accept that this is your own choice but don't forget, life is what you make it.

Answer 5

I am pretty sure you worked it out by just typing in the question right? Once you see it in print it has to be obvious!

I know it seems very complicated because there is a lot more to your relationship than these apparently simple facts, but there are times when you have to act on the facts as they present themselves.

DUMP AWAY GIRL!

Answer 6

Can I say this to you....Duhhhh! What are you waiting on? To wake up one day and be confronted with some fatal disease before you act? Dude, c'mon. Get a clue and get control of your life. Seems like he's the one in control of you! You might as well have a sign up inviting people to come on over and smack you around a bit! Hello!!!!

Answer 7

Please leave him because it has already made you unhealthy in the hope that this time it is going to be better if only... and if you have said that .. it isn't anything good for you.. it will be hard to break it off because you are connected... but you will see after time that this relationship took more from you than gave to you. Please, walk away... I wish I had after the 5th time.... but because I hoped that if I did something or maybe he was telling the truth this time, he would change... it never happened.... that was 8 years to long of my life...

Answer 8

if you cant beat em...join em! No dont...only kiddin.

If you dont want to take any drugs dump him. As long as he is in the club with his mates all havin a ravin time, he's not goin to go straight.

Why arent you going out with him anyways? nah, bollocks to him, get rid!

Answer 9

Drugs, lying. You figure it out. Do you really believe that this behaviour will cease or get worse. I'd suggest getting out of the relationship before he poisons you also.

Answer 10

Short answer - yes. Maybe he'll realise that he's lost you and will try to clean himself, need it to be tough love and that would be for the benifit of BOTH of you. And if he doesn't, then move on, you'll be happier in the long run for it.

Good luck.