I have been with my man for 4years now and I want to marry him next year but I am kind of scared because I only want to be married one time and I do want to live the rest of my life with him. He is 48 and I am 28 do you think I am making the right choice. I can't marry him right now due to being financially unstable. I am also thinking about having another baby in between. By next year I will financially stable. What do you think i should do should I go adhead and plan for a baby and then get married.
2006-08-29 06:39:56 · 19 answers · asked by BabyGirl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
If you two aren't financially stable enough to have a wedding and be married, then why would you want to plan a child now?
A wedding can be much cheaper than a birth. Prenatal care, the hospital costs, doctors bills, all the tests they run to insure a healthy baby and mom, diapers, clothing, furniture, etc... It all adds up to more than a wedding. The wedding is a one time thing, a baby is for life. You said "another child" so you may have stuff left over from the first, but it may not all be usable for the second.
You may want to hold off on both until you can handle it. You don't know for sure what will happen between now and next year. A good plan for financial stability may fall apart. A good job may not last. Investments that don't pay off, unexpected emergencies, and other happenings could take what money you set aside to pay for.
If you've been together for 4 years, then you should know by now if you love him or not. It's normal to be scared. While there is no guarantee about marriage, the longer you are together the better chance you have of making it last.
He should be contributing to the cost of the wedding, and child support if the first kid is his. He is also responsible for any other children that the two of you conceive. Make sure he isn't making you pay for everything. At his age, he should be in some kind of stable job with a steady income. He should be helping you out if he plans to marry you.
2006-08-29 06:58:45 · answer #1 · answered by welches_grape_jelly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why can't you marry him b/c you're financially unstable? Are you the bread winner in the relationship? If he loves you, that shouldn't matter. You guys should be able to work through life's hardships together. Life is never perfect. Love is the key. If the relationship is built on what he can do for you and you for him, then it may not work. B/c shortcomings are bound to show up if either of you is milking the situation. Long-term relationships last through hardships, unhappiness at points, and so forth. Spiritual commitment and love are the only two I find holds a long-term relationship together. B/c most men are looking for so-called marriage material. Someone that cooks, cleans, financially stable, so forth. That will not hold a relationship together. The woman will get fed up with such treatment; I don't care how much she loves you. I'm not talking about all men. If you've already been together four years, he must care for you. And, you haven't caught him cheating or anything. My question is why is he waiting. He's 48 years old. What happened to previous relationships? And, has he learned any lessons from those? Go with your gut feeling, b/c in four years you should know if he cares enough to work through life's hardships as one with you and you with him. That's the key.
2006-08-29 14:06:11 · answer #2 · answered by blacksilk79 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't have a money for a wedding, but you think that throwing a baby in there will make more money?
I think you're mixing up what you want.
If you are pondering whether the relationship will work, then you are right. He's 20 years your senior; when he's 80, you're going to be 60. I'm sure you are in love, but if you are doubting marriage NOW, what's going to happen in 3 years when you realize that you've married an old man?
Having a baby is NOT going to make money just appear. Hold off on the baby--trust me. It's hard enough to plan a wedding, and then adding a baby on top of it? Impossible. We had a baby a year before our wedding (our mistake), andto plan a wedding on top of caring for a baby is impossible.
2006-08-29 14:10:22 · answer #3 · answered by FaZizzle 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One should not get married if there are doubts, and it sounds like you've got a few. Also, if this guy is 48 years old and still not financially stable, that's enough to put the whole thing on hold. I don't see how having a baby is gonna help either. You really need
to think about this. Good luck.
2006-08-29 13:54:33 · answer #4 · answered by Dr. Dave 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, there are no guarantees in this life. You've known him for four years, so I'd say thats long enough to make up your mind. If you still have lingering doubts, then perhaps you shoudn't be marrying him at all. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. Do you have a baby by him? If so, then getting married is the correct thing to do for the sake of the child.
2006-08-29 13:45:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. Get married first and then bring baby along. You want to do things right, why stop short? Also, if you can't financially handle marriage, you certainly can't financially handle a pregnancy and a baby. Give it a little more time. Your clock isn't running out at 28.
2006-08-29 13:44:11 · answer #6 · answered by lizardmama 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, then marry him. I don't see why it matters if you are financially stable or not, but if you prefer to wait a year then by all means.
As for the kid, I don't understand how you can feel you are not sufficiently financially stable for marriage, but are stable enough for a kid... Otherwise go ahead. Especially if you have another child already, it's better not to spread out the kid's ages too much.
Oh yes, age difference thing doesn't matter at all in my opinion. If you want him for the rest of his life, then go for it.
Cheers :)
2006-08-29 13:48:46 · answer #7 · answered by Magina 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's my opinion that twenty years' difference at your age is a huge mistake. You are in different phases of your lives. You want another baby; this man could be retiring before the baby is out of high school. A lot of this man's best young adult experiences and memories are from the time you were a preschooler. I really wouldn't advise this -- the best of marriages aren't easy.
2006-08-29 13:44:54 · answer #8 · answered by catintrepid 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think once your financially stable, then you can get married and have a baby at the same time.
2006-08-29 13:43:47 · answer #9 · answered by Hillary H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but you shouldn't be with a man that much older than you! Can you imagine being married to your dad? - cause that's what it would be like. Even if you do decide to stay with him, definitely do not have a baby first!
2006-08-29 15:48:09 · answer #10 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋