What do we do?

Question

we have sent out ou wedding invitations, but we have had some rsvps where they have added on their children too - it would be lovely to invite everyones children but we just cant afford it - we do have children so i feel its really hard to say they cant come - how do i approach it - i dont want to offend them

Answer 1

be honest people should understand and if they don't you shouldn't worry about them as they wont care the next day if you have enough food on your table for your children think about it

Answer 2

The way I see it you have two choices. The first is to contact people and say, this is an adults-only function. Say that you have made special arrangements for your own children. Apologize profusely. Tell them the menu was not selected with children in mind (or alcohol will be served or music will be loud or just that you are trying to keep the numbers small) and that they will need to find a babysitter. Maybe even give them the name of someone who you have used to sit in the past if you are in the area. Really, the invitation was not extended to their children, just them, and for them to add people to the RSVP who were not included on the invitation is rude.

The other option (other than just letting the kiddos storm the reception) would be to work out an alternative. Like you could get a smaller room at the location and provide a babysitter or two depending on the number of kids/ages. But the location may still make you pay to cater the food so that may not be feasible. If they will let you, order some pizza and have some juice boxes. You might also be able to find a nearby church or community center where you could keep the kids. Or even the home of someone that is kid friendly.

Ultimately, children sometimes do dictate which events parents get to attend. That is just the reality of parenthood. It is not your obligation to invite the children and most reasonable people should understand that.

Answer 3

I assume that like us you have put specific names on the invites, so it was clear that the children were not invited? If so, then how rude of them to just add their children on!

It's your wedding and you can invite who you like. We have also not invited children, but we told our friends that this would be the case before we sent out invites - actually they were all pleased by the prospect of going to a big party without their kids and some of them are even staying over in the hotel without them too!

I think the only solution is to ring these people up and say that although you don't want to offend them and that you would have loved to have invited their children, financially it is just not possible for you to have their children there. If they can't see the bigger picture - that it's your day, not their day - and don't come then that is up to them.

Otherwise the only option you have is to just accept this, have the kids there and pay for it.

Answer 4

You call them and say "Oh, gee, there must be some mistake, didn't we write out the invitation for just you and your husband?! I'm afraid we aren't able to accomodate additional family members. Maybe you would like some help finding a sitter?"

Adults should know that if someone's name is not on the envelope, they are NOT invited.

DO NOT give them any reasons why the kids aren't invited, don't go into the cost or anything since that is beside the point (some idiots will try to offer you money for the seats for their kids!). The point is that you wrote two names on the envelope, not 3 or 4, and that THEY made a faux pas, not you.

Answer 5

Hi, i have this problem too, but we havent even sent our invitations out yet, My hubby to be mentioned that we werent going to invite children but his mum butted in and said 'well people may not beable to come to the wedding because they cant get someone to look after the children, ' even thoguh they do have 2 sides to each family so someone will be free. So in the end we had to invite them or we think no one will come. I know it costs alot of money as it is but it is your wedding and if you dont want to invite children then just be honest and tell your guests. After all they should respect your decisions as you are after all paying for them to attend. If they take a funny with you, stick to your guns and dint change your mind for anyone, this is the mistake i made.

Answer 6

I can't believe how rude people are, you don't invite extra people to someone's wedding. You have to call them, say:

there seems to be some confusion, we only invited you and John, but your response card says that 4 people are coming. We're really sorry but we can't accomodate children at the wedding or reception. We can't make an exception because we don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

Call people now, because these people will need time to find a baby sitter or to change their response.

Answer 7

You just have to be totally honest and up front, your children are part of your own 'little' family and of course they should be invited and your guests should understand that, it is very rude of them to add their children's names to their RSVP when no invite was intended for their children, I think you are going to have to be very brave and honest and either telephone or write to those people and explain that you are on a tight budget and cannot accommodate children into that budget, if that offends them then sorry but it is yours and your future wife's day and nothing to do with them how you choose to have it or whom you invite.

Answer 8

Obviously you didn't make it clear enough on the invitation that it was adults only.

Maybe a second letter to everybody explaining this as I'm sure that most of the guests with children will be expecting to bring them even if they haven't said so on the rsvp's.

You could always elope and get married somewhere abroad.

Answer 9

You will have to contact them & say that the invites were for them only as you want it to be a more intimate affair. Or simply just tell them that while it would be great to invite everyone, you simply can't afford to.
How rude of them to just add people on without asking first!
Its your wedding - you have the right to say who should & should not be there.
Congratulations.

Answer 10

Hmmm how about either setting something aside for the children i.e. a little party with people from a local nursery to supervise so that the children can come but to a cheaper event and write a nice letter explaining that you would love for them to come and you have arranged this event for them or just write and say sorry but no - its your wedding! How rude are some people though!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 11

Just explain to them the best way possible, that you can't afford, to pay for all the kids, it would be a hard one, as you do have kids to, but heck weddings are so expensive, surely they would understand. I think kids at Weddings, can be awful at the best of times, especially ones that decide to play up badly, and their parents can't enjoy themselves, don't' get me wrong i love kids, i have 7, and 12 grand kids, and they do decide to play up at the wrong times lol. My daughter recently got married, and she to had this problem, same as you, she had to boys, and she didn't wont heaps of kids at her wedding, and couldn't afford the extra food etc. and she put it very nicely on her wedding invitations, she had a few people who disagreed with her, but more understood. Honey, its your Wedding, and you do what you wont.....good luck, hope you have a lovely day.. God Bless.