How can 2 children turn out so different?

Question

I have a 21 year old son, who was into pot and drinking? He is turning himself around. He is a follower. I have a 9 year old daughter who is a neat freak, very responsible and education orientated and a computer geek. She is an independant person. My son doesn't know anything about computers. They are like, night and day. How can 2 children raised with the same values and rules, be so different. The only major difference in raising them is, I was married with my son, now I am a single mother raising my daughter alone. So according to what you read, it would seem my son was at the advantage having a 2 parent home.

Answer 1

I can't tell you why but I can tell you that me and my sister, who is 3 years younger then me are total opposites from one another. We were raised up together with the same parents. When I was 13 and she was 10, it was just my mom raising us, but still we were both total differenet long before then. We are total like night and day and everyone says about how different we are! It's strange I wonder about that very same question from time to time!

Answer 2

Well just because you were married when you had your son does not really put him at the better advantage. I say we all have certain personality and character traits in us since birth. I mean you can give your kids a thousand family values and the best lovign and supporting home. But if he or she has the character or personality trait or even decision making skills to just say well, I know what I'm doing isn't right, but its so much cooler to be like everyone else. Nothing on this earth is going to stop that child from following the wrong crowd. To your son it was more important to be part of the crowd. Whereas with you daughter, being part of the cool group isn't her thing at the moment. Which is really great. But wait and see if she changes as she hits her teen years, if she stays the same as before you have a very gifted child to not be under the influence of others. I'm like that, and my parents love that quality about me everyday. Not to be cliched here either, but they do say girls mature way faster than boys too.

Answer 3

They are 2 different people and react to situations in differents way. I have the same thing going on in my family, however I am 19 and my brother is 21....we're even closer in age and yet just as different.

We were both raised in the same house, with the same parents and went to the same school and treated fairly. However, my brother also dibbled into pot and alcohol (later became alcoholic, but has now cleaned himself around) and he always showed a lack of respect towards authority and made grades that werent so good.

I always made good grades, drink only a little, and have tried pot only 3 or 4 times. I try and respect those older than me, and I understand that I have to earn my way in the world, whereas he feels he deserves some things.

The way I have come to see it, is that my brother and I are different people and we have seen different things outside of our home. I was always able to learn from my brother's mistakes, which had a lot to do with it. Perhaps your daughter has overheard you speaking, not badly, but in a negative light about some of the things your son does and does not want to repeat any of his mistakes.

I have always believed in a natural personality that is given to us from birth, and no matter who raises us or where we are raised, we are simply like that. Its the same way you can take 2 rich kids, and one turns out ambitious while the other turns out to be a bum. or 2 poor kids, and one turns out understanding he has to work 1000 times harder to move up, and the other believes because he is poor someone should take care of him. We just have innate personalities that we are born with. This, however, is a personal belief.

The only way I can really see it, is that your children are 2 different people and have a considerable time difference between their ages. Theyve seen different things, lived different lives and react to each and every situation differently. Therefore, its only natural that they would be different.

Answer 4

Notice the age difference. Now look back and look at how different you were when your son was a preschooler. Big difference between who you were then and who you were when your daughter was a preschooler.

My children are 15 months apart. I'm a very young Mom. My boys are like night and day. One is demanding the other is laid back. One is a speed demon the other is cautious...so some people are born being whoever it is they are going to be when they grow up.

Answer 5

first of all, one is 9 and the other 21
the older one has lived three times longer and experienced threee times as much.

Secondly, you should know that at 9, your daughter has a lot of experiencing to do, and there is no way to know now how things will be for her as a 21 year old.

Then there is the consideration that they are not the same emotionally, intellectually and have had different friends.

Not to mention different parents.

YOU are not the parent now that you were then.
YOU have changed over the past 21 years.

Later kids are almost always easier to raise than your first.

Answer 6

They choose different paths and are born with different characteristics. My twin uncles were completely opposite, one a heavy partier, and the other a responsible business man. Parents can lay the foundation, but the rest is up to the children.

Besides, wouldn't life be boring if everyone had children that were totally alike?

Answer 7

They each have their own personalities. They're two different individuals. I'm glad to hear that the son is doing good now. However, be careful with the daughter. She's gonna really need you in about four or five years.

Answer 8

We are all different with different interests, wants, needs, and likes. Honey I have a 12 year old son that is a perfect child. From the minute he was born he was easy going, kind, perfect, excels academically and athletically. And here comes my daughter like a hurricane. She is loud, obnoxious, and high spirited,.....but boy I love her. They are wonderful different and great. I am glad you son has founds his way! That is a good thing!

Answer 9

Well, if you're now alone, doesn't that mean that your son was raised in an unhappy environment? Just throwing that out there. Besides, you're also not considering the fact that one is a male and the other is a female. Finally, we're all individuals. :)

Answer 10

They are different generations really. Besides your 21 yr old is a man and your 9 yr old is a girl that would make them completely different alone. They would have different personalities, temperament if they were twins. It's call human nature.