Godly principals in your marriage?

Question

I run a singles group in my area, not to help people find dates, but to help single people make other single friends. One thing I'm asked a lot is ways to make marriages and relationships work. I have lots of information stored that I've seen people use, things I've thought over, and thoughts God has given me. But I was wondering if any Godly couples out there would share things God has shown them to make their marriages work so that I could ponder over them and pass the advise along? Please keep your answers clean, and thank you for your help! :)

Answer 1

My husband and I have been married for 29 years. We were married very young, at 18 and 19 years old. We have learned a lot of things throughout the years. We hadn't a clue when we got married as to what we were doing, but with God's guidance we've made it this far together. Early on, we learned that it caused a riff in our relationship when we discussed problems in our marriage with everyone else but each other. Taking problems directly to each other has made our relationship stronger. I struggled greatly with wanting to change my husband, which, of course, was very unsuccessful. I am slow to learn sometimes, but I am at a point where I am focused more on who he is as a person. I know his strengths and his character which is what attracted me to him in the first place. Some people say that marriage is a 50/50 proposition, but I heard once that a marriage is not successful unless each person gives 100%. We have learned that "beating around the bush" generally is useless. If we want or need something from each other than we just say it. Saves a lot of time and frustration. Any sentence or thought that begins with, "Well, he/she should know..." serves no useful purpose. Neither of us is a mind-reader. As we became parents, we learned from my parents that you should always keep your marriage number one priority over your children. One day (and we are beginning that stage since our kids are 27, 24, 21, and 9) your children will grow up and leave home. When it is just you and your spouse again, you don't want to find yourself married to a stranger. Your spouse should not be just someone you can live with, but should be someone who you can't imagine living your life without.

Answer 2

If you have an issue with your mate pray about it before you bring it to their attention. Without the Holy Spirit speaking to their spirit and softening their heart, you just sound like you are nagging. Also, many times this is enough and you never have to discuss it because the person makes the change without your prompting.

This should not replace communication, but should be the first step to communication.

Also, this practice lets you see that God is in control and you cannot force a person to do anything and so you should leave it in God's hands instead of nagging your mate about an issue over and over. It also changes your attitude in that you are sometimes told that it is you that has the problem (too controlling, too judgemental, etc.) and not them.

One thing that has kept our marriage commitment strong is that each of us is willing to change. Life is full of change and each person changes as they grow. The ability to change or accept change is extremely important. Knowing the heart of your spouse is more important than keeping up with what they do and do not do as their character is what determines their decision making. Sometimes I do things that seem weird to my spouse, but I have a good reason and after I explain it, he's fine but often disagrees with my methods.

You must each have a strong sense of self and have loads of self-esteem. You have to be able to step away from your situation and analyze what is really going on underneath. Knowing and giving yourself permission to have a different kind of marriage than anyone else you know is helpful too. What works for your parents or other couples may not work for you so you shouldn't place these standards on yourself or your mate.

Answer 3

by Godly do you mean Christian?

to really have a good relationship both need to be equal - that means none of this garbage about the man being the head of the house or of the woman. You can not have equality if one person is submitting to the other!

marriage should be a partnership. I don't have a problem if one person decides to raise the child(ren) and not work because sadly society doesn't really allow both parents to raise their children together (although I have known parents who have done it). What I do have a problem with is one person (always the woman) being forced into giving up their hopes and aspirations.

not a Christian, I think it is about justifying a patriarchy, but these are my views (and yes I am married)

Answer 4

Go to Church together, every week. (or more)

Spend time with family.

take time to talk, about anything and everything.

Give more than you want in return.

Respect each other's opinions.

There are not directly related to God, but some things off the top of my head that have worked for us. Been married for 21 years and have no regrets.

Good Luck!

And God Bless you!

Answer 5

This is interesting because marriage as an institution was created by God. I'm not talking about marriage in the "legal" terms although our marriage laws are based on biblical teachings. I am referring to marriage and how it is viewed by God. You see, I don't believe that there is always a specific person that God has intended for us to marry, but I do believe that there are marriages that God does not bless. These are marriages that are born out of sinful behavior and God knows the heart of those who do not intend to include Him in the marriage even though they repeat the words of the vows which is a sin in itself. This is why God tells us not engage in sex before marriage, because it leads to a marriage in his eyes that was never intended and if those parties do not accept God the marriage will almost certainly fail. Remember, in biblical times, a virgin who was not married was required to marry the first man that had sex with her even if it was forced upon her or face the penalty of death. I believe God viewed the act as an act of married persons only, therefore, once you have had sex you are "married" in Gods eyes. However, a person may be forgiven of this sin and God can and will bless the marriage of those who seek his help.

Answer 6

I have to say amen! to what 'the_advisor' said, while adding some scripture:

1 Peter 3:7 (KJV)
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

1 Peter 3:1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

1 Peter 3:5
For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:

Colossians 3:19
Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

1 Timothy 3:12
Let the deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well.

Titus 2:4
That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,

Titus 2:5
To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

Answer 7

Treat your spouse the way you want to be treated and always think the best of him, even when it's hard. My husband and I have been married about a year and a half (I know, we're still practically newlyweds) and these principles have helped me a lot. By treating him the way I want him to treat me it's easier to respect him, and by always thinking the best about him it helps us both when I'm high on hormones (you know what I mean!). Trust me, guys have a hard time understanding why something can make us laugh one day and the next day it can make us bawl our eyes out.

Answer 8

From a Handfasting Ceremony, which IMHO offers a lot of insight about things that make a good marriage:

Know now before you go further, that since your lives have crossed in this life you have formed ties between each other. As you seek to enter this state of matrimony, you should strive to make real the ideals which give meaning to both this ceremony and the institution of marriage.

The promises made today and the ties that are bound here greatly strengthen your union; they will cross the years and lives of each soul's growth.

Do you still seek to enter into this ceremony?

"We do."

(Groom) and (Bride), I bid you look into each other's eyes. Will you honor and respect one another, and seek to never break that honor?

"We will." [the first cord is draped over the couple's hands]

And so the first binding is made.
Will you share each other's pain and seek to ease it?

"We will." [second cord is draped over the hands]

And so the binding is made.
Will you share the burdens of each so that your spirits may grow in this union?

"We will." [third cord is draped over the hands]

And so the binding is made.
Will you share each other's laughter, and look for the brightness in life and the positive in each other?

"We will." [fourth cord is draped over the hands]

And so the binding is made.

[Cord is tied]

(Groom) and (Bride), as your hands are bound together now, so your lives and spirits are joined in a union of love and trust. Above you are the stars and below you is the earth – like the stars, your love should be a constant source of light, and like the earth, a firm foundation from which to grow.

Answer 9

My husband loves me more than he loves anyone else. He values me and my opinion. Because of this, I respect him and show him the same devotion that he shows me. We try to work together and try not to let our egos take over when we argue.

Answer 10

Submission of the wife to the husband,most conflicts in marriage arise over ego clashes,the man naturally wants to be the leader of the home,and the woman is to be submissive to him and let him lead and make the major decisions of the household.

In our modern world many women are raised that they should have an aggressive voice,and take charge like a man would,this simply does not work in marriage and many times arguments over simple things can escalate.


Eph. 5:23-32

For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of his body, the church; he gave his life to be her Savior. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives must submit to your husbands in everything.

And you husbands must love your wives with the same love Christ showed the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by baptism and God's word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man is actually loving himself when he loves his wife. No one hates his own body but lovingly cares for it, just as Christ cares for his body, which is the church. And we are his body.

As the Scriptures say, "A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one."

Husbands should love their wives and treat them like a treasure of beauty something they adore and respect.Husbands should make it a point to compliment and publically praise their wife.She should feel loved,validated and heard.