should i, as a woman, feel apologetic for being a simpleton with little excitement in life?

Question

Do you think women who have no job and stay at home have no right to express themselves? I have the option to work but i decided to stay back cuz' my family required me . what i have been doing is not a visible thing, but my bf perceives me as lazy and boring. I have little life i agree, but i am happy that my parents and siblings are being taken care of by me. My bf keeps telling me get a life mainly bcuz i often overlook my personal life often. Why has he got to tell me that , i feel humiliated each time he says "wat's new". So much that i sometimes resent my parent's for not teaching me to be selfish. Am i wrong somewhere?

Answer 1

Sounds like your are doing the right thing if your family benefits from your work. And yes it is work, regardless if he acknowledges it or not.

You should take some time for yourself though, find a way to express yourself outside of your family and him. My wife is a stay at home mother for our son (and me) and at first she would feel like she was not doing anything except take care of us. I always encourage her to get out of the house and do something she likes....meet with friends, take a class, just go do something she has fun with. Once she started she felt much better and now it is a regular occurance at least once or twice a week. We still have our time together and as a family, and I get some one on one time with our son.

I am suprised that your boyfriend would object...if he forsees a life with you I would think he would be happy to have a mate that is willing to do what she feels is best for her family.

Answer 2

You say your family needs you. In what capacity? If you are caring for physically or mentally disabled family members you can get paid for that. Contact social security, the department of aging and/or your city's help line or any other agency you think might apply.
It sounds like your bf just wants to see you do more for yourself. There is also respite care, which is a worker that comes into the home to care for disabled people so the primary caregiver can get a break. The same agencies mentioned above can help you access information about that too as well as a home healthcare provider that can come in on a daily basis for a few hours if your family qualifies.
If you are just the family maid, there is a problem with that. In the meantime, your bf asking, "what's new?" is not an attack. It is just a figure of speech. You feel humiliated because you perhaps believe (or know?) that your family can make it without you. You may be hiding from life by using them as an excuse? I don't know your situation, but I do know that developing some interests of your own beside your family will make you a better caregiver whatever the situation may be.
Good luck.

Answer 3

I don't think you're wrong at all. It's never an easy job when you have to take care of a family. The only problem is that your boyfriend doesn't understand the amount of work you do each day.

My philosophy is this: No one has the right to complain about the work you do until they've done that work themselves.

Your bf might mean well, but his method isn't helping you. Tell him specifically what he needs to do to support you. (for instance: does he need to do some of your work to give you a break?)

Here's one idea. (Although you don't have to do it if you think it'd be too harsh). You say to your bf that he can complain only if he is doing your job half the time. If he'd rather not cook, clean, do laundry, take out the trash, etc... then he's not allowed to tell you to get a life.

Answer 4

While it's nice to do things that you are interested in so you have something to share with the world when they ask "Whats new" It is not a requirement. You are also not required to entertain your BF. But having interests outside of your work (in this case your family) does add positively to all of your relationships and definitely adds some spice to life. His approach is kind of cold to you but he may be trying to tell you that he is getting board with you. Not having much of a life, you don't add much to the excitement factor of the relationship. And you doing that by choice probably makes him feel that this is about as good as it gets with you. You either chose to get the most out of life or you don't. You don't need to apologize for it, but what is ultimately at risk is your relationship with your bf. My gut feeling is that it could be coming to an end if you don't decide to be more in the game. On the other hand, perhaps he's not the man for you.

Good Luck

Answer 5

Disregard whatever anyone else says if you must, but believe me on this. Sacrificing for your family is a MAGNIFICENT thing to do!! Your boyfriend does not understand because he is selfish. He is trying to make you selfish! Look at the rest of the world and how selfish they are. You are selfless rather. This makes you admirable, and as far as I am concerned a hero in a world where everyone wants to get theirs, I am not just talking between the sheets either. You, my girl, will go far, and if the boyfriend will not start understanding your selflessness, he is only going to corrupt your inner beauty. Family life is all about sacrifice, and a girl like you is the kinda girl I always DREAM of marrying! Keep it up!

Answer 6

Yes and no. Every human being needs to have self-esteem. If you are caring for your parents and others at their home, you need to make time for a life of your own outside of their home, too. Otherwise, you may end up very lonely someday when they are all gone and you are all alone with no friends, no marriage, no children of your own, etc. You need to make time to get out of the house and take a course to learn a skill so that if you have to go to work one day, you can! You need to be less dependent on the family network there. You may be their care provider, but you are sacrificing your future to do it. Big mistake. If they love you, they will encourage you to work part-time outside the house, or at least go to school to learn a skill. If they don't encourage you, then just tell them you need to do it for your future and go. It is NOT selfish to make a future for yourself. It's sensible. Your boyfriend is, sigh, correct.

Answer 7

The fact that you are taking care of your family is commendable. I hope you are also taking care of yourself. It is important that you don't put your needs behind someone elses. You bf is an inconsiderate butt. You are not lazy you work at home just like any stay at home mom. Find a new man and try to give yourself time to be a person not just someones daughter or sister. Be good to yourself too.

Answer 8

There is a difference between helping your family and having them co dependent on you. I dont agree with your bf approach, but I think he is telling you to get away from your family and become more independent. I agree with him. But you need to want to get a life in order for it to work, wanting a life of your own is not selfish at all, you should be out experiencing.

Answer 9

I think perhaps your boyfriend is perplexed by the idea that you have no dream for your life. No goal that you are working toward. No passion or inspiration. I think he doesn't believe that is true and that you do have a dream. Perhaps he cares enough about you to try and get YOU to realize your dream. Perhaps he feels you are hiding behind being a caretaker.

You must either convince him that you have no goals in life other than managing a household and family, or seriously look inward to find that dream and a way to achieve it.

Answer 10

as long as your happy ,nothing lse matters. If your bf wants to berate you or talk **** dump his ***. problem solved.we all have circumstanses in life that cause us to follow one path or another , for now youve chosen yours. Dont be ashamed or feel unworthy because of what your doing. Not working dont make you less of a person . Well unless your trying to mooch food off me.