Long story short. happy loving couple get married. All is well. 6 years later after 2 beutiful kids wife starts to change. Becomes less loving and affectionate. Surrounded by loving husband, parents, kids, social life and friends, finds less and less joy from family, and looks towards bar hopping with girlfriends, partying, drinking bit more, takes up smoking again, dibs into weed even.
Focusses more and more disdain, frustration towards husband and blames everything wrong in her life on me. Says everything else is great except me. Despite having good job, being very involved with kids and helping out around the house more than any other father we know, i become the lightning rod for al that frustrates her. She thinks if we separate everything will be great for her, and she wants to break up family. No finance, trust, affair, abusive, parenting, career or other typical problems, so what gives?
Could she be depressed/bipolar/postpartum??
Serious answers only, its sad enuf
2006-08-29 05:02:58 · 34 answers · asked by Kaboom 3 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Sorry to say, but she just may not be in love with you anymore-if she ever really was in the first place. There is no amount of counseling, cajoling, abitrating, mainipulating , threatening, or negotiating that will MAKE the human heart "fall" back into love with someone when they have fallen out.
This planet would be better off if we could all realize that not every relationship we have (even friends, siblings, etc.) are meant to be close and consistent for an entire lifetime.
Sometimes, we come together with someone to be able to give our children a ride to the planet so that THEY can live their lives. When our "arrangement" is fulfilled, couples begin to see their lives as something seperate from the "task companions" we may have married.
In each lover scenario there is always one who plays the Hopelessly Loving role while the other plays the Hopelessly Loved. You are obviously Hopelessly Loving your wife. And that leaves her...
It's very sad for the jilted partner when they really, really feel like this was their forever relationship. It's even sadder when the Hopelessly Loving tries dragging around the dead body of a marriage pretending it will comeback to life. Bury it. Mourn it. Cry about it. Then go back out into the world and find the person who you were REALLY meant to spend a lifetime with. And do your children a favor- don;t have several more kids making them feel like they were practice children getting you ready for your "real" family.
Do this and you will be delighted to find your fture EX still in your life as a wonderful friend and parental partner for your children. Continue to demand her affection and you will find a surly, unhappy, resentful woman who can;t wait to get away.
2006-08-29 05:17:07 · answer #1 · answered by Mimi Di 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Your wife doesn't sound like a mental nutcase if that's what you are thinking. She could be depressed. Or she could be bored with the relationship.
I would say get some marriage counseling. She might need some alone, too, if your counselor would recommend it. (one thing I'm not sure about is how you could make her come to counseling, although it's clear you need it--go alone to get some advice if she won't come.) If you are going to be spending the entire time fighting, though, this will hurt the kids, possibly even more than having separated parents.
Your wife could be heading towards a big drinking/drug problem also, since you mention that she has been bar-hopping a lot and has done weed. Maybe that's why she doesn't stop bar-hopping and such? Anyways, I would address that issue in any counseling you got. Also, her drinking/weed can be a real negative influence on your children.
2006-08-29 05:28:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It could be any of the disorders that you mentioned, probably not bipolar unless she has significant swings between manic and depressed states, and from what you wrote, it sounds like this has been an ongoing thing. The best advice I could give you is to go to your family doctor and ask for a recommendation to a family counselor/therapist. Talk tot the therapist about the relationship problems you two are having and work with the therapist to try and move forward. At the same time, have the therapist address her mental state and find a diagnosis.
Best of luck to you!
2006-08-29 05:09:46 · answer #3 · answered by Beth M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry about your wife and how she's treating you. Is she dead set on separating, or is she willing to try counseling? That could help a great deal and it's something to look into.
Also, if she is bar-hopping, drinking, etc. maybe she has a drug problem or something. Or perhaps she is depressed and that's how she drowns her sorrows. If she's going out more and more, maybe she is feeling a little tied down with family life.
Ultimatley, you need to sit down with her and ask her what the change is all about and see if she would be willing to get some professional help. Good luck to you.
2006-08-29 05:09:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Based on your description, it does sound as if there could be some medical or psychological disorder. This is really urgent due to the young children. Figure out some way to have her examined. Even call the police if she has weed in the house or car. (Don't touch it yourself, or you'll be in trouble.) I know this sounds harsh, but your family is at stake. Make sure she understands that you love her and you love the children. Also, you had better get a lawyer just in case. If the breakup happens, you want custody. I wish you the best.
2006-08-29 05:17:00 · answer #5 · answered by The First Dragon 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know this is going to be a common answer, but have you suggested counseling? If you can afford it how about hiring a private investigator to follow her and see if another man is in the picture. Sometimes no matter what you do, you can't make someone happy. Have you heard the saying, "If you love something, set it free, if it comes back it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was". So, as much as it may hurt, let her go, she may find out soon enough that she left a good thing. If she doesn't, come back, (don't wait forever) find someone to make you happy. Of course all this is easier said than done. Good luck.
2006-08-29 05:11:22 · answer #6 · answered by sheila c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like depression and may be post-partum. The drinking only magnifies the problem. You both may have married young and she feels she missed out on her youth. She is focusing her angst on you because it is easier than looking inside for what the real cause of the problem is. Often women are raised (still) to think that they will marry Prince Charming (and you sound like the right man!) and live happily ever after but reality can be rather tame. She feels a void inside of her and is trying to fill it or avoid it with partying.
I would definately try the counseling route but don't treat it like she is the one with a problem treat it as a family problem. Good luck to you. I have a business call and have to go.
2006-08-29 05:22:43 · answer #7 · answered by bobo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, there is obviously a problem here. The real question is do *YOU* want solutions -- or does *SHE*.
YOU cannot fix this problem alone. YOU cannot force her to go to a doctor for a diagnosis if she is suffering from a medical or emotional problem. YOU cannot force her into a drug program if her dipping into weed has now become something more serious (which is highly likely!!). YOU cannot even get her to go to a marriage counselor with you without generating more resentment.
I know you want to understand -- but that will not happen unless SHE gets help. And SHE will not get help unless she wants to. From what you say, she doesn't want to -- she just wants to run away from her responsibilities.
So, YOU need to (lovingly) let her know of your concerns, try your best to get her to do the doctor and / or counselor route -- and then prepare for a rough ride, because you need to think about the kids from now on, not her or even yourself. Take care of them first and make sure they don't get hurt anymore by this.
2006-08-29 05:18:19 · answer #8 · answered by Yahzmin ♥♥ 4ever 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People change. I wish the truth was more comforting. There could be a psychological reason for what she's doing but it doesn't change the fact that she's not the woman you married. I wish I could agree that there were no other problems but people don't become the source of someone's resentment ramdomly. You just don't understand why she's resentful of you.
Try Couples's therapy if you can get her to go. If she wants a seperation it could be a good bargaining chip.
If not fight the good fight in divorce court.
2006-08-29 05:11:44 · answer #9 · answered by W0LF 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't mention your ages. Did you marry young? Did she have time to "sew her wild oats" before marriage? Having a new husband and two children under the age of 6 is tough on anyone much less someone who is still young and immature.
She may also be depressed and possibly even doing drugs stronger than weed such as meth which is one of the drugs young mothers get into because it gives them energy initially before it turns them into raving maniacs.
You need to speak to someone you trust such as a counselor. If you are as good as you say you are and she is behaving this badly, then the outlook is not good. You may have to take your children and move on.
I'm sorry and I wish you luck.
2006-08-29 05:17:52 · answer #10 · answered by Kate 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋