What is the funniest joke you have ever heard?

Answer 1

For me to even remember a joke.. now that is the funniest joke I have heard.

Please take pity on me and give me the tens points please.

Answer 2

THE world’s funniest joke was unveiled by scientists today at the end of the largest study of humour ever undertaken.

For the past year people around the world have been invited to judge jokes on an internet site as well as contribute quips of their own.

The LaughLab experiment conducted by psychologist Dr Richard Wiseman, from the University of Hertfordshire, attracted more than 40,000 jokes and almost two million votes.

And the joke which received the highest global rating - submitted by 31-year-old psychiatrist Gurpal Gosall from Manchester - was:

"Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.

"The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: ‘My friend is dead! What can I do?’ The operator says: ‘Calm down, I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.’

"There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: ‘OK, now what?’"

Dr Wiseman said the joke was interesting because it worked across many different countries and appealed to men and women and young and old alike.

"Many of the jokes submitted received higher ratings from certain groups of people, but this one had real universal appeal.

"Also, we find jokes funny for lots of different reasons. They sometimes make us feel superior to others, reduce the emotional impact of anxiety-provoking situations or surprise us because of some kind of incongruity. The hunters joke contained all three elements."

Answer 3

Once upon a time a Jew and his friend were sitting in a café. The man asked his Jew friend, ‘tell me my good friend, how come that you people are so clever in business matters? You make so much money so quickly, you get rich fast and run big businesses, what is the secret?

‘Well, the secret it is, that I can assure you’, replied the Jew, 'the secret that we Jew people never share with anyone else, but since you are my good friend and a mate, I let you into it. The secret is that we Jews eat a special type of fish, and the effect of that fish upon us is such that we develop very good business acumen. The fish keeps us sharp, keen and so clever in all matters concerning business and finance.'

The man showed a great enthusiasm in response to his friend’s revelation, and insisted that he too must have that special fish. The Jew said to him, ‘you see, my friend the fish I have told you about is of a very special kind indeed, and is therefore very difficult to come by. I personally would not bring it to anyone else but since you are my good friend, I can do this for you at the cost of a hundred box.' To which the man quickly agreed.

So the next day, the Jew brought along the fish, and the man his money. The Jew placed the box containing the fish on the table, and the man gave him the money. The Jew said, ‘but wait a minute! I have a good idea, for the fish to take maximum effect it would be better if you close your eyes and open your mouth so that I may put the fish into your mouth with my own hand.’ So, the man closed his eyes, opened his mouth, and the Jew put the fish into his mouth. No sooner had the man tasted the fish than he cried out aloud, ‘this isn’t no special fish; this is bloody an ordinary sardine that I eat everyday! You have robbed me of my hundred box, you clever skunk!’ The Jew, who was observing every move of his friend very closely, immediately said, ‘you see, you see my friend! It is already working on you. It is having its effect spot on.’ Congratulations good friend!’

Answer 4

A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a
>> fancy dress party.
>> He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg so he
>> writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem.
>> A few days later he receives a parcel with a note:
>> Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted
>> handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden
>> leg you will be just right as a Pirate.
>> The man thinks this is terrible because they emphasised his
>> disability, so he writes a letter of complaint. A week passes and he
>> received another parcel.
>> Dear Sir, Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find a monk's habit.
>> The
>> long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will
>> really
>> look the part.
>> The man is extremely furious now, because the company has
>> gone from emphasising his wooden leg to drawing attention to
>> his bald head.
>> So he writes a really rude letter of complaint. A few days later
>> he gets a very small parcel from the company with an accompanying
>> letter:
>> Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup.
>> Pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your bald head, stick your wooden leg
>> up
>> your **** and go as a f***ing toffee apple !!!!!
>>

Answer 5

Funniest, that's a tough one,

Two women on the way home from a night out, stop in a graveyard for a p*ss, one wipes herself with her knickers & the other with a wreath. The two hubbies were in the pub the next day. First hubby "I better watch that wife of mine, she came home last night with no knickers on!" Second hubby "That's nothing, mine came home with a card wedged between the cheeks of her ar*e sayin 'We'll never forget you from all the boys at the firestation'!"

Answer 6

Two nuns went out of their convent for a walk. One of them is
known as Sister Mathematical (SM) and the other one is known
as Sister Logical (SL). It was getting dark and they were still
far away from the convent.

SL: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the
past half-hour?

SM: Yes, I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the
most. What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only
logical thing. He started to walk faster too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one
minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way
and I'll go this way. He cannot follows us both. So the man
decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried what
has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us
both, so he followed me.

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as
I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run
faster than a man with his pants down........

Answer 7

the jokes @ www.chucknorrisfacts.com are very funny.

Answer 8

if all women with big boobs work at Hooters...then where do the women with only one leg work?

IHOP...lol

I thought it was pretty funny...

Answer 9

whats black and white and eats likea horse

a zebra

Answer 10

why was the sand wet?



coz the seaweed. lol