my step-brother is 25 yrs. old! he just recently (like a month ago) moved back home. he's gay, and i have nothing against that (except for the fact that he's always playing the "pitty me because i'm gay" card), i do however have a humongous problem with the fact that he doesn't respect my mother at all (he never listens to her), he steals MY money that was a gift for my graduation from massage therapy school, and he's a total lazy *** with NO JOB!!! his roomates kicked him out and we have never gotten the complete reason why (probably because he didn't pay his rent because he has no job)! i am 18, i have a full time job as a billing clerk and a part time job as a massage therapist, i work hard for my money, and for him to steal a gift from my granparents really pisses me off! the worst thing... he was never confronted about it! i'm about to call him out on his behavior but i don't want to cause a problem between any members of the family, mainly i just want him out, like he should be!
2006-08-29 04:41:55 · 19 answers · asked by ? 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
the thing is it's his dad that lets him get away with everything. my mom knows he took the money and she has talked to my step-dad (who i love and is a great guy) but he wont say a damn word to his "baby". it's so bad that i want to move out, and i'm sure i could handle it better than he can, and my boyfriend and i have been thinking about it before my step brother moved back in anyway.
2006-08-29 05:03:42 · update #1
I wonder why in the world your family is letting him live there if he's doing these kinds of things. Are they even aware of it? I'd make sure you let them know...I have 18 year old twins and if they were to act like that - they'd have two choices, either change their ways or LEAVE, period..
I know you want to keep the peace but honey - what he's doing is simply not right. You work for your money, do you think it's really okay that he TAKES it?
Say something now before it gets worse.
Good Luck, Marilyn
2006-08-29 04:46:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Does your mom know about this? The best thing to do is to tell your mom about the issue and she'll help you talk to him. If he's never been confronted, he probably thinks it's okay to steal... and to live off people and to not get a job. If someone talks to him about getting a job and how he's at that age where he needs to learn to take care of himself, then maybe he will wake up and smell the coffee. You can't kick him out of the house because he probably has nowhere else to go, but you can tell him that he NEEDS to at least do something FOR the family.. like cook dinner or pay some of the rent. If he says he cannot do this, then tell him he has to leave. He'll realize that he needs to get a job. Good luck with your step brother!!
2006-08-29 05:01:49 · answer #2 · answered by Kaitlyn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I read all the answers and it sounds like almost everyone is against the stepbrother.
What if he was you real brother, would he be such a threat to you,still?
Obviously you don't like the fact that your parents let him live at home and not work. I had a brother like that and my mom tried to send him to work but he didn't go.
Your parents might try to talk to him but he doesn't listen.
It might take awile until he's out again, ignore him if you want, but tell him that stealing your money is unacceptable.
You might want to take a look at his friends too, they might be stealing...my brother's friends did.
You can put that lock on too, that way you are in controll of who's going in your room and when.
Calling a family conference would be ideal too.
I know you are looking for others to valide your feelings, which is ok, we all do when we are mad, but when we cool down, we have to look for answers.
Think about your Mom, she doesn't feel happy about the situation right now, she doesn't know what to do either....
Be patient, do your thing and things will settle, give your Mom a hug so she knows you love her.
Good luck!
2006-08-30 02:41:39 · answer #3 · answered by adel e 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My advise would be everytime you get cash put it directly in the bank so he cannot even have the chance to take it. It is really good that you are taking on two jobs and learning how to take care of yourself. If I were you I would put all my money in a bank account and save up so you can learn how to be self supporting and move out to your own place. Nothing you can do about your brother living in the home. It is up to your parents they are the ones who are paying the bills. I would confront your step-brother and tell him you are missing money and tell your parents as well.
2006-08-29 04:50:16 · answer #4 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to calmly discuss all of your issues with the step brother. You need to approach it in a manner that isn't accusatory. That will put him on the defensive end of the conversation, and you'll get nowhere.
Try saying that you felt totally disrespected when he took things that belonged to you without asking. Tell him that in the future "we'll all need to respect eachother's belongings". Tell him how it makes you feel when he is disrespectful to your mother. Tell him that he'll have to figure out a way to participate in active communication with her, whether he likes it or not, because he's causing everyone to be stressed by not at least trying to listen to her. Tell him that you understand the hardships he is facing, but that he'll need to do whatever is necessary to overcome that. No one on the planet is going to try to be nicer to him because of his hardships. Whatever he wants or needs will not come to him by way of charity. Man up, and get on with it. He's the only one who can help himself, and he needs to buck up and get it done, for his own good.
Lock up your belongings, and your money. A thief is a thief.
Don't waste your time wondering about his previous living conditions, or why he was booted. It has no bearing on your current dilemmas.
You're probably right, he should be out, but obviously he was allowed to come live in the house. If you just "call him out on his behavior" you will likely be causing more turmoil for your family. So, approach him with the attitude that it is what it is, and you'll both need to change a few things to make this better.
Good luck
2006-08-29 04:59:10 · answer #5 · answered by niffer's mom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a shame for a step-brother to be acting that way , family member or not. I would go on ahead and tell my family what has already transpired. I would hope that they listen and they believe in you. No-one should steal from you....., and the lazy way he behaves around the house shouldn't be tolerated, either!! . In the mean-time put your monies in a private savings account and don't leave anything of value laying around. Put a lock on your door, if you have to. Maybe that will get your families attention and you can tell them the truth that way instead of tattle-tailing on him. Good Luck in your endeavors and let us know if you can, the outcome?!
2006-08-29 04:50:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
We all fall on hard times, so try to be sympathetic to your bro...although I know it is hard!!! It is awesome that you have so much going for you! I bet secretly he wishes he were doing half as well as you. Confront him like the grown up woman you are. Tell him exactly how much cash is missing and that you want it back. Let your mom in on this too (in private). Worse case, you never get the $ back, but now you know, you have a 25-year old thief in your house. Keep your stuff on lock-down. Perhaps you can bu him a Sunday paper so he can look for jobs. Sooner or later your mom will be on his case so don't worry too much.
2006-08-29 04:48:54 · answer #7 · answered by jandracu 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
At some stage the family has to evidently confront him, i.e., before he spins out of control, and does irreparable harm to innocent hard-working people. Recourse, may even have to be taken to law and also some of the law enforcing agencies, unless he corrects himself, amicably. Caution, patience and discretion will have to be the watchwords, since it is, after all, a family matter, and over-reactions will never pay off.
2006-08-29 04:56:22 · answer #8 · answered by Sam 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't get to control how your family handles their relationship with your step brother. You do get to control how he handles you and your things. Approach him when your anger subsides and let him know in the future you will press charges if something of yours is missing. You can not undo what has already been done. Move forward and draw the line in the sand with him. Wanting him out is not for you to decide since its your parents house. Your working and I don't understand why your not out on your own. Get your own place and then your problem is solved. Your house your rules
2006-08-29 04:53:06 · answer #9 · answered by the answers are there 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The door knob that's on your bedroom door, replace it with one that has a lock. That way you'll be the only one with a key. They're easy to put on. That way you can lock up all your personal posses ions every time you leave the house even if you have to wear the key around your neck to keep him from finding it. When you purchase door locks like these they usually come with 2 keys. So in case you lock your key in your room, you need to have a secret place outside your room to place the spare. If your mother needs the same thing done, buy her a door knob lock too! Don't you get into trouble but I personally would woop his A*s! But that's just me!
2006-08-29 04:48:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋