My 46 yr. old alcoholic brother has been in and out of 3 rehabs now, several detox places, etc. It seems that as soon as he gets his head on relatively straight, makes goals for himself (good ones like finding a job to support himself and his daughter who lives far away in another country, etc etc etc) that he relapses within a few short hours/days after completing programs.
All of our family have tried to help him out by giving him food and shelter, SUPPORT, etc. for MANY years. I was pretty much THE ONLY ONE LEFT (with my husband and son)that would continue to take him in. The pros call me his ENABLER!!
Recently our 75 yr. old dad (ashamed to even call him his son) was diagnosed with cancer. He agreed to see him, then offered him a place to stay after the 60 day rehab--gave him $$, job offers. Soon as we got dad checked into the hosp., bro went on a 1 week binge, but finally call AA for help. They keep telling us we need to separate the emotions from his DISEASE. HOW???
2006-08-29 04:29:23 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
You are an enabler and as long as you continue to help your brother he will continue to be a drunk. You absolutely MUST cut off all monetary and physical support to him. He may have to hit "rock bottom" in order to straighten out. Be aware that not all alcoholics survive hitting the bottom. You MUST NOT FEEL GUILTY about cutting off support no mare how much you brother begs, promises, or tries to make you fell guilty. It is called "tough love" - you are not doing your brother any favors by supporting him.
BTW I speak as a reformed enabler from a family of enablers, and when we cut off support (other than emotional) the alcoholic/drug abuser got help of straightened out at least somewhat but not completely......
Good Luck
2006-08-29 04:40:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
A great question. Alcoholism is a physical, mental and spiritual disease and obviously emotions are all integrated. Most alcoholics will tell you they could never feel part of,never grew emotionally and alcohol does something FOR the alcoholic rather than TO him/her.
It is a devastating disease but the alcoholic has to reach bottom - not necessarily going all the way to the dumpster. Time to allow this to happen and STOP RESCUING
2006-08-29 04:50:36 · answer #2 · answered by mjdp 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree, al anon is a great program, remember that it is a disease, and unfortunately no matter how much you show compassion it does not cure a disease....loving someone cannot cure alcoholism any more than it cures cancer. Letting him into your house and nursing him will not cure it....only he can, and only when he decides to do it for himself. Be supportive, encourage him to stick with the program, but it may be time for you to stop letting him into your home until he takes steps to help himself. Good luck to you, but definitely start going to al anon meetings before making more decisions on your situation.
2006-08-29 04:41:04 · answer #3 · answered by dalilvr333 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi,... From the little you shared here,.. I am assuming that what you are being told, is to separate your own emotional reactions to your brothers illness, from the reality of his illness. ... Your emotional attachment and enmenshment with his illness is supporting him in being stuck in the illness. ... Hiis family is very much a part of his illness/addiction,.. (as is always the case), ...and you need to learn to let go of him and his destructive behavior. You need to separate the feelings you have from the reality of what your brother is doing.
The advice you recieved earlier here where you were told to go to Al-anon meetings was very good advice in my opinion. You need to learn about how you are in fact promoting and supporting your brothers illness,...and learn how to change your own behavior to a more healthy direction.
2006-08-29 06:01:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's so hard to let go, and watch someone destroy themselves. :( Perhaps the best thing you can do right now is to find support for yourself. Watching someone do this to themselves is traumatic for friends and family. Having some space (i.e. a therapy session or support group) for you to just let your feelings out and talk about it might prove helpful.
Good luck to you. You deserve support too! :) Below is a link for a therapist search.
2006-08-29 04:35:18 · answer #5 · answered by EDtherapist 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its called tough love and it works, call a support group for the Tough Love organization, get involved with Al-a-non it will help you understand the disease better.
2006-08-29 04:38:01 · answer #6 · answered by Granny 1 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i think it's time to stop being his family and just be there, put your foot down, your brother is loving the attention he is getting from you and your family, stop being the nice one and show him who the damn boss is, if that doesnt help maybe contacting your local funeral home and have them talk with your your brother about death, have the directors show your brother where he will end up if this selfish drinking keep's up.
2006-08-29 04:38:06 · answer #7 · answered by blue_eyed_lady_in_love 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The alcoholic has to stop cold turkey and begin recovery. Once recovery begins, then the emotions can be dealt with.
He binges because he knows your family will pick up the pieces for him.
2006-08-29 04:35:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
I am a non-drinker but my father in law was an alcoholic and caused a tremendous amount of stress in the family and between my wife and me.
I do not consider alcoholism a "disease". It is a self-induced addiction. A disease, I ususally classify as something you don't have control over.
2006-08-29 04:35:10 · answer #9 · answered by j H 6 · 2⤊ 3⤋
Alcoholism is nothing but emotions. Alcohol is an emotional drug.
The only thing you can do is continue to support him....but never give him cash...he will buy booze with it.
2006-08-29 04:39:02 · answer #10 · answered by jaike 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋