My five year old son whines about everything. It is driving me nuts. I have tried many different ways to stop it but nothing seems to work. Please no answers about hitting or spanking - let's all admit that when a child is whining to this extent hitting and spanking only make it worse.
2006-08-29 04:20:30 · 25 answers · asked by puzzleraspie 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Okay - you're all giving good advice but it's all stuff I have tried and it seems to be getting worse. This is a kid that is following his older brother around whining for him to share, sits at the dinner table and complains(whines) he wants more food on his plate even though he will not eat the extra, he whines about everything. There is nothing that is "out of bounds" for him to complain about. I have tried spanking (made it worse), time outs, put him in his room, reminded him that I can understand him if he is whining, ignored him.... I try to be consistant, but nothing seems to be working. I know it can be a phase, but I can't seem to yank him out of this one.
2006-08-29 05:17:38 · update #1
the best thing is to ignore it, and maybe figure out the cause of the whining. Typically whining is brought on because of wanting attention. Maybe you could schedule some 'special time' with your son every day, before the whining starts just to reinforce that you love him, and that he doesn't need to attract your attention negatively by whining. reinforce the positive behaviors rather than discipllining the negative and over some time you will see some improvement.
2006-08-29 05:08:22 · answer #1 · answered by nkmeeds 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't pay him to do it. If he is continuing to whine, it is because somehow he is getting what he wants by doing it.
1) Actually listen to what he'saying--it may be important commincation in an unfortunate tone of voice. Actually, it's usually important communication even if it's only 'I want.' But if it isn't an emergency, don't give it to him.
2) SUGGEST to him that whining isn't going to help, and that it just makes people less inclined to listen
3) Then SUGGEST that he speak to you in a reasonable and pleasant tone, and make sure he knows you are listening when he does so. Stop what you're doing and pay visible attention! This is a reward in itself, given the busy life of most mothers, and may be what he is actually seeking from you with this behavior.
3) Act upon his request or information, according to its urgency or the advisability of doing so. Also, if you deny him what he is wanting, always be sure to explain why you are denying him--a bald 'No' is offputting to children, and tends to suggest indifference or inattention.
4) Be patient. He didn't just start whining, and he isn't going to just quit, but if you demonstrate the advantages to be gained from not doing so--attention and possible compliance--he will soon make the change.
5) Be consistent! Don't follow this course sometimes, and not follow it others--this causes insecurity and frustration. If for some reason, you can't listen at a given time, explain to him why not.
6) Be patient! This cannot be sufficiently emphasized. Children take time to break bad habits, just like adults.
2006-08-29 12:00:13 · answer #2 · answered by kaththea s 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This ties in with the not being able to understand him idea, but have you tried telling him he will get what he is asking for only if he asks for it nicely? I understand it's kinda the same idea, but maybe using different words and following through with it would work better. If he doesn't want to ask nicely, the correct way, don't give it to him or give in when he keeps whining instead. Even though it may only be a phase, he should learn that certain behavior isn't tolerable. (maybe you could watch Supernanny - she gives some good tips!)
2006-08-29 12:48:50 · answer #3 · answered by angelbaby 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My two older boys get very whiney, and when I refuse to give in to them, I have learned to tune them out, and they will stop, because they are no longer getting a response. I think it also has to do with finding something else to distract them. Though both of my boys have ADHD, which makes them hyperactive and whiney (fun combo), I use more than one method to get around the problem. If I'm home and the whining gets out of hand, they end up in their rooms until they stop. I have told them I just don't want to hear it, I said no and that is the bottom line. If they continue, its a time out. Then they get the option of bedtime, corners, or room time, which means they will have to stop playing and enjoying what they are doing, and have to go where they don't want to. It does work. But as I said, there is more than one way to work around it, and sometimes employing several methods works. Keep up, keep trying until you find you hit the one thing that stops him the quickest.
Hopefully its just a phase that won't last forever lol.
Good luck!
2006-08-29 11:43:38 · answer #4 · answered by saintlyinnocents 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Birth Control
2006-08-29 11:26:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I always tell my kids that I don't understand whine-ese (rhymes with Chinese). If that doesn't work, I tell them to take a deep breath, calm down, and ask me again in a big kid voice. That usually works. If it doesn't, I have told my kids I won't respond to whining, so I don't. I ignore them until they ask in a normal voice. When they do use a normal voice, I praise them for asking/speaking so well. You should always always always reinforce the good things your child does. They will want to be good more if they understand how much you appreciate it.
2006-08-29 11:37:10 · answer #6 · answered by gumby 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've always just said, "You're whining. I'm sorry, but I can't understand you when you're whining. Could you try asking me in a normal voice?" For this you have to maintain that you truly cannot understand what they are saying! After awhile, you should be able to just say, "You're whining." and the child will self-correct.
2006-08-29 11:26:50 · answer #7 · answered by *ღ♥۩ THEMIS ۩♥ღ* 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Change the subject and keep doing that till they get the point. My daughter still whines about everything too and she's about to go into first grade. The boys don't whine much though.
2006-08-29 11:24:35 · answer #8 · answered by *babydoll* 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have the same prob with my daughter. Please never hit a child!! First find out why he is whining. also try and explain that it is not nice to whine. He is just at that age where he is trying to see how far he can push your buttons. You will always win if you stay calm. also you can try to take his mind off of what he is whining about by distracting him. Good luck!!!
2006-08-29 11:30:39 · answer #9 · answered by nick23 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't reason with a 5 year old, so I would say go to your room until you stop the whining, then come talk to me, and still to it.
2006-08-29 11:25:09 · answer #10 · answered by Granny 1 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋