How young is too young...??

Question

I just want to get different peoples feelings on my situation...I am 22 years old and have a one year old daughter. I got pregnant when I was 20 and had my daughter when I was 21! The people around me thought that 20/21 was too young to be pregnant and NOT married. I did manage to get a job around my 5 month of my pregnancy. Which wasn’t easy, I had to hide my pregnancy because I knew that no one was going to hire me being pregnant but luckily I got into a really nice/understanding company that worked with me. At the same time my daughter’s father lost his job and has not worked since! So I am supporting my daughter 100% (NEVER Been on PA). I managed to get myself together and GROW up, my daughters father still hasn’t! (He is 21) I understand NOW that I should have been married & had my own stuff already so that it wouldn’t be so hard for me to get it while I was pregnant but I did! Why was it that they didn’t have enough confidence in me (the child they raised)?

Answer 1

Don't worry about what other people think. At least you were not 13 and not old enough to legally hold a job. You are doing great! Your daughter's father needs to get up off his butt and start helping you out. Is he getting unemployment? If so he needs to give you some money! You are setting a good example for your daughter by NOT depending on welfare to get by. You can, however, without going on welfare get WIC if you don't already. They give you vouchers for dairy, eggs, juice, baby food, cereal, etc, and next year they are adding fresh fruits and veggies to the vouchers.

Answer 2

No one can tell you you're too young for having a baby. I think it's great that you have taken responsibility despite what others around you have said or done. Your child is your most important priority and although you may regret not being married, it's important now that you don't jump into any mediocre relationship. You need to be serious about who will be around with your daughter. Now you aren't just talking about yourself, but the safety and well-being of the little person you will have more influence on than anyone else. Do not let it get you down that you have been judged in the eyes of others. What is done is done and you can only make certain that she is taken care of. You're parents were probably just concerned about you and it was out of love that they made comments. I hope for the sake of you and your daughter that they have put aside any judgment and taken part in the awesome role as grandparents. I did not have a very good relationship with either of my parents (didn't meet dad until I was 13) but since I have had 3 babies of my own, they have stepped up to the plate and have tried to be better grandparents than parents. I am glad because I want the best for my kids, regardless of how I was raised.
On another note, you said you've never been on assistance. That is wonderful if you've never needed it. I just want to say that there are some good programs that may benefit your daughter and being a single mother, she may qualify. Like WIC, headstart, etc. If you do qualify, that would save you that much more money that you could spend on a college fund or other needs your daughter may have. Best of luck to you and your daughter!

Answer 3

I know how you feel, being stereo-typed by others for not waiting until you were married to have children and not doing your life In the orderly fashion, which everyone thinks It should be done. You have done a wonderful job taking care of yourself and your daughter, just ember you can never make other people happy even If you do what others want you to do, the only person you can make happy Is you and your daughter, as for your daughter's father ever growing up and becoming a man, don't count on It, but It could happen It took my husband 4 years to become a man and to quite acting like a boy. I wish the best for you and your daughter and ember what you have done has been wonderful for you and your daughter no matter what anyone says being friends, family, or just rude a** people on the streets that think they know everything about you! ((Take care, and hears a big hug))!

Answer 4

I was also young when I had my son and I was unmarried. I was sating my b/friend for 2 years before I got pregnant. (we are now married) but before that, when I first got pregnant I was only a senior in high school. we had our son when I was 19 and at that time we both had a good job. But that was it. And when our son was first born we ended up separating for almost a year, b/c he was not ready to grow up and be a full time father. However, he realized after almost a year that it was indeed time to grow up and that he wanted to be a full time father. We lived with my parents for a little while (until we could save a little more money) we then bought our first home together, got married when our son was 3 1/2. in Nov. of 06 we had a little girl and in Aug of 05 we sold our first home we had bought, bought our second home and moved to a really nice area. And I am now able to run a daycare out of my home and stay home with our children. I think most people don't think unmarried young people can get by in life when the end up pregnant, w/out using the government money. We never had to use government money and today we have everything we ever will need or want in life. We are currently TTC our third and final. People can really do it, if the set their mind to it. Good luck in all you do and by the sounds of it you are a GREAT person and mother.

Answer 5

I don't think it's that they didn't have confidence in you. . .See they already knew the guy was turn out to be an *** -- and they already knew -- yeah - you can do it. . .you are a capable person - but WHY make your life harder than it has to be? It's not about gettting stuff or having stuff -- it's about being a mature individual with a mature partner - ready for children in a financial way, an inner way and a physical way. I am not saying having children is "bad" or not a good idea or anything -- but you are YOUNG -- I am 30 and I feel like yesterday I was 20.
In time you are gonna watch your friends meet special people (as they grow up) and they are gonna end up getting married growing together etc. . .while all this time you will be working or taking care of your child. "Alone" Yes you have your family (thank God -- Not many have that luxury) -- But it's a difficult path you chose in this life. . .Your family cares about you IMMENSELY and trust me they never want to see someone they love and care about so much get even the least little bit hurt.
Take care and keep on praying. I hope you understand my main point is your family did and does have confidence in you. . .They just don't want to see you get hurt.

Answer 6

Sweetie, I do not think your parents lacked confidence, I think they just wanted you to not have to struggle alone. When your daughter gets older, you will probably be the same way. I was 22 when I had my first child, and my mother immediately told me to abort him. I decided to keep my son, and I worked until the day before he was born. I bought everything I needed and I am still working to support him and his sister. Luckily for me, my kids' father and I just got married, and are able to now support each other. Ok, I'm getting off the subject, anyways, just know that parents always want the best, even if it is not the road they traveled. They would love for you to have your own home, your car, a million dollar career and a husband, but in reality, you just have to live your life the best you can. Good luck, and stay blessed.

Answer 7

I was married and had my first child at 18 and my second before my 21st birthday and I was also criticized for being too young even though I was married! I think the point is not about how much confidence people had in you but that it's just a fact of life that you did things in a difficult way. Even though they can't see that it's discouraging as opposed to constructive criticism- they were just concerned. But believe me, I hated hearing it too. I resented the fact that I should see a child as bad news when children are a blessing. Just be proud that you made it despite what they said and proved them wrong. Stay strong for yourself and your daughter. This won't be the last time you as a mother will have to face the brunt of criticism- one day it will come from her too. So just keep doing your best so that what you can say when the time comes- 'I did my best.'

Answer 8

You proved you're not too young, actually, I think that you're pretty much mature for your age and what you needed done. Congratulations :D

Well, in an ideal world, you could probably had waited until you had a more stable 'life', did some 'things', had a decent job with good pay.

How is your daughter father? Is he looking hard for a job? If he is, but has problem finding one, then is responsible, as long as he isn't looking hoping he won't find one. If he finds that as long as he doesn't have a job he won't have to pay for the baby, then he's pretty much immature and irresponsible.

And the reason that they didn't have much confidence is this. I think that most statistics aren't in the favor of young single mothers, that's why your friends were worried about you. It's not always that they have some doubts about you specifically, but experience has taught some of us to be more wary of some things, but also we tend to generalize more.

Answer 9

I'm sure it wasn't the lack of confidence in you, but probably seen the hand writing on the wall where your babies daddy is concerned, and raising a child alone it tough. But you doing it, so hang in there you'll be fine. But I'd tell him get a job grow up or get out. If he isn't willing to work he will be a rock around your neck forever. You deserve better and most of all so does your baby. Good Luck an keep your chin up, you can do anything you have too.

Answer 10

people have this STUPID idea that if you are young and not married you MUST be a bad parent! my boyfriend and I have a 19 month old son and his is 22 and I am going to be 21 next month, and we don't have plans on getting married. but we are better parents, in my eyes then most other married and older couples. Marriages fall apart, and I don't see the difference. other then that your parents may be worried because the babies father is a LOSER, sorry but if he isn't working then he is. good luck!! and don't worry what people think, just do your thing!