Single mothers: What do you do when you don't have an outlet or a support system?

Question

I am a single mom to a two y.o. This was an unplanned pregnancy and the father is not involved at all. My dilemna is that I need a break and I have no one to help me. My parents live out of state and I don't have girlfriends that I can ask to watch the baby. I really can't afford a babysitter either and then I have a roommate so a babysitter might feel awkward in that situation anyway. My child is a typical 2 y.o. (I think) and can really wear me down with all the crying and screaming and whining. Any clue as to what I can or should do to relieve stress?

BTW, I have not been out to dinner or a movie or anything in almost three years. I don't want to date but it would be nice to get out with a girl friend for a drink or something.

Why are people on this site such a**holes? "Thats something that should've been thought about b4 becoming a single mother?" For your information b*tch, I am not some young dumb teenager!! I am 36 y.o. and it just happened. I didn't plan to get pregnant. I didn't plan for her father to be a lying sack of crap either. As for the other idiot... I do have a couple girl friends just not ones that are available to watch my child.

If all I'm going to get are sarcastic, judgemental, know-it-all responses, please don't bother!!!!

***Thanks for the info about the Y and churches.**** The only answers I could really use.

Answer 1

I too am a single mother, and don't have a lot of support either. One place you might check is to see if your community has a local Parents Without Partners chapter, that way you can meet other people in the same boat. These groups have outings, babysitting etc. www.parentswithoutpartners.org

Another thing to look into would be sometimes daycares offer parents night out for a few extra bucks.

Answer 2

Sorry you are in such a spot. I wonder could you go to any facility near you where they have a moms day out. Someone can look after all the babies while moms get a chance to chat with each other do crafts and other fun things together. You may meet others in similar positions as yourself and find that you can exchange times to look after each others children. And yes your 2 year old does sound typical. I ran a daycare and had three 2 year olds. Hang in there it will be much better as your child grows up . It is a tough time for moms of any age but from experience having babies for the first time at 35 is tough. but it does get better. I use to wonder if I would ever get a break and I had a husband. (he was on the road for a lot though. and a lot of the time too tired to be much help when he came back ) It is better now and it will get better for you too

Answer 3

Well, I am 18 years old. I am also a single mother and I dont have any support from family either. I have two boys ( ages 1 & 3). I also am a senior in highschool, and I work at night. But let me tell you, put that baby to bed and have some fun with yourself. Just because you are a single mother doesnt not mean that you have to be tied down. You can always invite a friend over or anything you want. 8:00pm is a nice bedtime for a 2 year old. :)

Answer 4

Well, the father of my child is in the picture and we live together, but I can honestly tell you he is no help to me when it comes to raising our son. He doesn't lift a finger to help out and finds every excuse not to come home until the baby is asleep, and he is off work on the w/ends but leaves me at home to care for our 1 year old then also.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that it is frustrating too when the dad is in the picture but doesn't contibute or give you a break once in a while.
I am 21 and he is 35.
I wouldv'e assumed he wouldv'e already gotten the bulk of partying out of his system but he has not. I would love to be able to go out and have a drink 1nce in a while too.
So ok here is what I did.
I went to local grocery stores and found ad's for women doing daycare out of their home, I got to know one babysitter in particular and we became friends.
I too had no xtra money to offer her, but now we swap kids.
I watch her 2 kids on 1 Friday, and she watches mine the next.
So now I get 2 Friday or Saturday nights out a month and I LOVE IT.
Since I don't feel bitter anymore about being trapped in the house all the time anymore I am a better mother now than I have been his whole first year of life.
I smile and laugh more and I'm not so quickly annoyed about day to day mishaps or tantrums.
I hope this helps you.
Good luck to you and all the other Supermom's out there!!

Answer 5

I admire you and all single mothers. I am lucky enough to have a husband who loves our kids and it is still hard. I just wanted to let you know that not all people are a$$holes. Maybe you could join some kind of playgroup or mother's club that would give you a chance to make friends in your same situation. Then you could take turns watching the kids. I am kinda in the same boat my husband works all the time and I have no family or babysitters. So to reduce my child induced stress after they go to bed I will have a glass of wine and take a long bubble bath or just do whatever I want to relax. Good Luck and hang in there.

Answer 6

My childs father left when she was like a year and a half. She is now almost 4. For the first year or so, it was horrible. I never got to go anywhere, I did not have a car, no job... I was trapped. But what I did was get myself on my own two feet. I got a job, put my child in daycare, which if your income is not that high the state will help you pay for. When I had enough money I bought a cheap car and now I have a good paying job, a good car. You have to get out and do things for yourself, otherwise you will be stressed out to the point where you get yourself sick. Good Luck

Answer 7

I'm going through the same thing, except that I live with her father, he's just not very hands on. I just signed her up for this thing called "Tot Drop". It's preschool-by-appointment and it's wonderful! Only 8 dollars an hour and you can schedule him for as little as one hour a week up to 12 hours a week. You should consider signing up your little one for this. Check out http://www.totdrop.com Hope this was helpful and good luck! I know how they can drive you crazy! :)

Answer 8

honey listen. don't let people ruffle your feathers. that is all part of life. learn to accept criticism and grow from it. people have a tendency to be judgmental to others. and yes accidents do happen. but according to God's plan there are no accidents. he knew what he was doing when he gave you that baby. he will send someone to you to help you, just be patient.
i don't know your educational background but there are agencies for low income families. and if you are not in that category there are several other places such as the y and daycare.
please accept my apologies for the rude behavior of man kin. they know not what they do. until man accepts God into his heart he is full of hatred and intolerance. for some this is a way of life. they have been taught from childhood to hate. sorry. i wish i could change all that for what a wonderful world that would be. but we have many lessons in life to learn so when someone puts you down just say a little prayer for them.
blessings to you and your child.
blessed be,
Elizabeth

Answer 9

check the ymca or the newspaper, or maybe even the bulletin board in your local grocery store. hopefully, you will find play groups or support groups for moms. join one!! there are other parents in your situation in your area. when you get to know some of the other parents well enough, perhaps you can exchange babysitting duties, and you and your little one will have found friends. its the start of a support system. good for you for recognizing you need one. you are in a tough situation. but you have been strong enough to make it this far, so keep going! good luck!!!!!!!!

Answer 10

Some church groups offer parents night out. Babysitting is free and completely supervised. The kids have a good time away from mom and mom can have a kid free night (a couple of hours usually).

Good luck