My child is very angry and I need to know why.?

Answer 1

Obviously, nobody on here knows your son or to what degree he shows anger. Some kids act kind of irritable and frustrated and "scowly" but otherwise seem like children with a conscious and don't hurt others or animals. Then there are the kids that are so angry they may be cruel to others and animals and destroy things. No matter how mild or extreme it seems it would be a good idea to find some counselor who seems like he/she has a lot of common, solid, sense for your child.

In the meantime, here are some things that I do know about kids who seem angry:

Children have a set of needs that are related to the fact that they are children, and then they have a set of needs that are simply a matter of their being human beings. They don't know they have certain needs and they have a kind of automatic thing that they expect adults (their parents, adult relatives, school teachers, etc.) to just know that there is something they don't feel right or good about it and to just know how to fix that.

A child may not even know, for example, that he really needs some extra time out with one parent or the other or that what he needs is to be made to feel special. All he knows is that he doesn't feel right. At the same time, a child may know exactly that he wishes his teacher realized he's shy or wishes his parents would realize how intelligent or decent he is. He may wish the adults around him would stop underestimating his character or intelligence. For example, sometimes if a child does something wrong because he's a child and not able to resist temptation (such as telling a lie or watching tv instead of finishing homework) parents can sometimes act as if this is a sign that the child is, in fact, a liar or lazy (in the case of the homework). The child may know he messed up, but he also knows it isn't what he planned. It just happened. He'll try to do better. The point is that sometimes parents read more seriousness into some stupid thing a child does, and the child then feels parents don't see that he had a problem with something like impulse control (which children have) and he wants to not do that thing again every bit as much as the parents do.

Children can have learning problems in school, or they can be so stressed out by the school environment or certain things that go on there that they can't concentrate. The adults around them may not realize that they have such a problem or else if they do, they may not realize that the problem isn't within the child but is, instead, in his environment. Adults often have the tendency to point the finger at the child and say "What is wrong with this child?" rather than asking what in his life or environment is causing his problem.

Children get angry when the world seems to be failing them, and then that world asks what is wrong with them.

Very bright children can be angry because if they don't look like the stereotypical "brainy kid" schools sometimes don't know they exist. They get frustrated with unchallenging school work, being slowed down by a pace that is aimed at everyone else. Sometimes a child isn't "the classic brainy kid". He or she has verbal/human intelligence that is more developed than many kids' is but they may not have the interest in math or science material. As a result, they may be more mature than their classmates, but what they're good at may not be seen, recognized or called "intelligence".

Child who feel they are not treated with respect get angry. Sometimes adults don't realize what they're doing, but they don't see how good or intelligent or mature a child is at the core. They may see a messy bedroom or other child behavior as a sign that the child is less competent than he really is. Children can be underestimated intellectually but overestimated when it comes to their emotional maturity.

Parents who are good parents and who knew how to treat their baby and toddler well, how to make him feel secure and happy, and generally have solid and kind of natural parenting ability can be really great when it comes to loving, nurturing and making a baby or toddler feel secure and happy. When the child gets a little older, though, and has more complex issues sometimes parents need more knowledge than that natural parenting ability they had when the child's needs were less complex. This is where some of the best parents in the world can not quite know what to do, and very often it is the baby or toddler who got a good, solid, start who has more sophisticated intellectual needs later.

Children need to feel safe. They need to feel understood. They need to feel respected. They need to have someone know "that they exist in there" - that they could be hurting or may be very worried or may be more intelligent or less intelligent than adults seem to think they are. They need adults not to look at the child and ask "what's wrong with him", but to look at the environment, the school or the world and ask "what's it doing to create some problem for my child?" (as it seems you have on here).

You can try calmy asking your child during some relaxed conversation and time together if there's something that he's unhappy about. Ask him, "If you could wake up tomorrow and have things the way you wish they were what would it be like?"
Sometimes, though, a child is "in there" and not happy and has no idea what it is that he feels empty about.

He may know you love him, he may love you more than you can imagine, he may know you're doing your best, and he may have no idea what need he has that isn't being met. He may not be able to tell you what is bothering him because he just doesn't know. He can assume if you don't know that means you aren't "smart enough" to know, and he can feel very much on his own when it comes to figuring out why he feels so crummy or empty. He can get angry at feeling so alone.

Older siblings can be among the worst for a child. Some parents don't stop older siblings from, essentially, abusing the younger child by tormenting him or talking to him as if he's stupid. They don't limit the opportunities the older sibling has to make the younger child feel helpless, inferior, unimportant, or repulsive. Even the kindest and nicest older sibling can feel superior to a younger one and can let it be made clear.

Children need you to figure it out. They need to feel special, admired, valued, and respected for all the good things they are. They need to feel treasured just because they're who they are. They need to feel understood when the mess up and do something they shouldn't just because they're not grown up enough to be able to always be in control of their actions.

They can have a bunch of things add up to making them feel angry. Maybe they're the smallest kid in school or the largest, maybe they don't have the stuff that the other kids have and feel like its "established" that they come from a less well off family. They can be a gentle kid in a school where aggressiveness gets more respect. They can live with parents who are either so messy the child can't think or with parents who demand such neatness alll the time they can't relax. They may not like what they see in the mirror. Maybe they don't have time alone with their parents where they are treated as if they are special.

Any time a child is made to feel humiliated it could contribute to being angry. Any time he feels bullied by others (and sometimes parents can bully too) he will feel helpless and angry. Any time he thinks someone should protect or understand him and they don't he could feel angry.

If parents fight and make him feel uncomfortable and worried he could feel angry (again, helplessness).

A child who is left home alone more often than he feels he should be could be angry, as could the child who is made to spend time somewhere where he is uncomfortable or otherwise not happy. The child who has parents who are on his back to eat everything they say he should eat and don't eat stuff they think he shouldn't eat, the child who is expected to sleep on demand and not when he's tired, or the child who is nagged about anything he feels involves his own body and belongings can get angry.

Besides the demanding, too-structured, parents there are also the parents who have no structure in their family lives. Anything goes, everyone gets whatever they want to eat when they're hungry, and everyone sleeps wherever they want. Children need a certain, basic level of structure; so children from families like this can also feel like they need something they don't have but don't know what it is.

Children can be horribly upset if parents do things like allow them to get pets and then just get rid of the pets as if they're objects.

They can be angry about grief or losses they've had in their lives as well.

The mother who smothers, the father who hovers, the parents who are always looking to see if the child has done something wrong, or the parents who won't respect a child's privacy when it comes to his body can cause anger.

When parents expect children to be the grown-ups while the parents, themselves, can appear to the child to be needy is a situation that can cause anger.

Any of the above and any combination of the above are all possible reasons a child may be angry.

I don't know if any of the above applies to your child, but I do know that what I've said can and does cause anger in certain children. If your child is so angry he's showing it by being cruel to other people or animals it isn't just my opinion that such a child needs professional help. This is what all the experts tell us all the time.

Answer 2

Has it experienced anything you could lable as traumatic? And remember for a child it doesnt have to be obvious or a bad thing, just something disruptive to his routine or life as it has been.
Injury? Surgery? Move? CHange of friends/books/schools? Do you have more than one child and there is a competition/insecurity issue?
I felt angry as a child because I felt betrayed, it was only for a surgery which was necessary but still I obviously didnt understand at 4 years old, why I should have to be locked up in a small room stuck on a bed and not be able to run outside and play. t got me pretty angry. So it wasnt a "bad" thing at all but still it was disruptiv to me as a child. Try to look for things like that, through HIS eyes (or hers) .... :)

Answer 3

You have some good questions here for you
Your Q. is vague talking to their counselor is good. This can let you see if there has been any changes in school habits
Anger is a way of showing many things in a child
The age of your child, can they relate this anger
Abuse can bring on anger
I agree you should talk with them and if it makes them more angry maybe ask counselor if school age or seek other help but don't ignore this get help or it will get worse
Best of luck to both of you

Answer 4

Your child needs a therapist. You are not going to find the answer here. It could be many many reasons why. The key is finding out why and helping to solve the problem.

It can be anything from child molestation, did a parent move out?, being harassed in school, etc.

Answer 5

Take you child out on a one on one day to there favorite place. While riding in the car from place to place ask them various questions about there day, feelings, how life is going. Also give them scenarios of things that could be going on with them and tell them how they can resolve the situaiton.

Answer 6

Angry in general or angry right this second?

If it is this second, ask them what they are so angry about. Their ability to express themself may be effected by their age and vocabulary.

If they are angry in general, seek professional help. It will only get worse as they grow older if you don't.

Answer 7

The best thing is to talk with your child about his/her anger and tell 'em you'll figure out a way to resolve it TOGETHER. Let 'em know you'll always be there for 'em no matter what. You must let 'em know it's not good to bottle up his/her feelings. Talking it over will help get things off the heart, soul, and mind...

Answer 8

Talk to him/her. Don't stop asking. Something happened that you need to know about. Spend special quality time with him/her to build trust if s/he isn't willing to open up. It may be something you did or are doing so be prepared. Don't give up and if needed bring in extra help, a friend close family member or a doctor.

Answer 9

obviously your child in not happy.
an unhappy child doesn't happen for no reason
you are the parent and you need to find out why
and there is not enough info in your question

Answer 10

Non-typical anger is often a byproduct of some kind of abuse if it marks a sudden change from the way they used to behave.

Talk to the kid's school counselor and see if they can interview him for possible referral to a psychologist.

Answer 11

each in certain situations, not continuously. this is like a 50/50 danger, because some turn their lives round even as others flow down the incorrect direction. And its compared to satisfied toddlers continuously develop into satisfied adults both, purely affirming. wish this helps! =]