Last yr I found out my husband was actually having some sort of online romance with this girl he worked with. He actually set up a web page and made a love letter to her (by the looks of it he just copied and pasted from another love ltr he found online). He said that he didn't do anything with her but that she paid attn to him and he hasn't felt that for a long time. He said this thing btwn her and him was going on for like 2 or 3 wks. The girl doesn't work with him anymore but should I think they did something or was just a plain crush he had? He is always home, doesn't go out with the guys, a family guy. But he does seem to suffer from lack of self-esteem. I am trying to move past it but it just bothers me from time to time. Any advice?
2006-08-29 03:21:37 · 19 answers · asked by wowcanusayit 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Yes, it's possible to have a crush on someone else while being with someone. I've been there in summer 2003.
I loved my girlfriend more than anything in the world back then, and still love her as much today. In fact, she's my wife now. We talked about it and she accepted the fact that love is not something you have control of. It's not a simple on/off switch. If the chemistry is right, it happens.
I no longer work with the girl I was attracted to, fortunately :)
2006-08-29 03:29:36 · answer #1 · answered by Lyvy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is somewhat normal, especially when a couple has been married for a long time. The parties in a marriage or long-term relationship stop showing their best sides, may be less attentive than they were in the courtship phase, and therefore are receptive to the attentions of outside parties. There's no feeling like that of new romance, and some people crave that newness - the rush of adrenaline and the excitement that comes with it.
It takes time to work through something like this, but try not to be so hard on the guy. He simply needed that validation that women find him attractive, and he slipped. We're all human, and all crave the attention of others, whether we act upon it or not.
You're perfectly justified in feeling hurt and by still being bothered by this. It will take some time to work through, but have faith that this isn't the end of the world or your marriage.
2006-08-29 03:29:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry - be happy! He isn't playing around. You know him very well and he is as you say just not feeling attractive and this flirt helped him. Just ask him to please not do that again. He is asking for trouble and a possible loss of his marriage and family.
Some men are just dumb where their self limits are. Sorry but it is true. They think with their parts and not their brains. May i suggest that you try to make a special time for just the two of you. Get dressed up sexy and ask him what he would like to do. have some nice treats he likes to eat and drink. Nothing over the top, but just that you want him to know that you still care and desire him. And do this at least once month. Be silly and playful and the rest will fall into place.
Some men need more special treatment then others. I have one like that too. He is totally dedicated and I know that he will never stray but he requires a lot from me mentally. But because i love him so, it is no trouble.
Just remember time heals all wounds. Good luck!
2006-08-29 03:34:58 · answer #3 · answered by MotherNature 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This can happen to anybody but having a crush happens more to people who are "lacking" something in their relationship or people who do not have a relationship. It could be a sign of an unfulfilled romantic (or sexual) desire.
As you describe your husband I would believe him if he says he "didn't do anything". But I would be concerned about the real reason behind that episode and try to find out how to help your husband to be more fulfilled. Even he may not know or be able to phrase it. That is probably easier to do with a counselor, a good psychologist or so.
2006-08-29 03:37:31 · answer #4 · answered by spaceskating_girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to a marriage counselor. Before it happens again - trust me, my ex was the same way. He always had some 'innocent flirty' thing going on with some girl from work, but was always home on time, blah, blah, blah. Sooner or later, the girl would blatantly hit on him, and he would end it, telling me all about it because he loved the attention & was proud of showing what a good, faithful husband he was. So, I let it go, because, like you, I felt it was harmless if he didn't act on it & good for his self-esteem. BIG MISTAKE! Ten years into marriage, he found the one he didn't want to shake off - we spent 2 years in marriage counseling, where I learned how bad this had been to MY self-esteem all along, and that he should not have been doing that - it is called having 'an emotional affair' and it is wrong. Well, this one had finally moved to the real, physical affair, and he would not end it, so our marriage did. Please, don't let things go this far - seek counseling together NOW.
2006-08-29 03:25:47 · answer #5 · answered by mustanglynnie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is really sad. I hope it wasn't anything more than a crush and I think he was a fool to create a web page to show his love for another women. I hope you can move past it. I don't think it would be easy. I think it is just best to find out from him what you both can do to improve your relationship. Do you think he is just needy, a flirt or does he crave your attention?
2006-08-29 11:13:11 · answer #6 · answered by LongAgo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This could be some kind of male crisis meltdown for him to see if another women besides youself still find him attractive. this could be somewhat innocent to a degree but as long as he not taking it a step further than the internet..Talk to him some more to see what is really bothering him that he cant talk to you try and start renewing your marriage like a first date to make him feel special he may be a little depressed right now.
2006-08-29 03:34:11 · answer #7 · answered by keishahayes2003 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Online romances, Hmmmm! Are you sure nothing happened at work between the 2 of them? You can move pass this but you have to forgive him first, I know it will be hard but counceling could help, or just talk it out with him and tell him to get into your shoes and see what he thinks, or how he would react if it was you on the online romance.
2006-08-29 03:31:59 · answer #8 · answered by KIM A 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I won't call it a crush i think he is just bored and he is having fun with this girl. His mind is idle and as they say idle minds is the devils playground, let him do things and be active something good for his self-esteem. He might not be physically cheating on you but he might have fun online with other girls.
2006-08-29 03:30:45 · answer #9 · answered by WickeD_AngeL 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She "paid attention to him". He told you everything you need to know right there.
He wants you to pay more attention to him. I'm not saying what he did was right, but this woman gave him the attention he needs. If I were you, I would give it to him.
I did sort of the same thing once. I had been seeing someone for years and they never really paid attention to me in the way I wanted them to. I knew they loved me, but their attention was always split or elsewhere. Then one day I reconnected with someone I had known as a child and as a teenager. He really paid attention to me. He wanted to have interesting discussions with me. He actually listened when we talked. He remembered things I said to him. He paid attention to me.
Things never went farther than talking, but I developed a huge crush. It also made me realize I was with the wrong guy and needed to be with someone who really paid attention to me.
2006-08-29 03:47:02 · answer #10 · answered by BoomChikkaBoom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋