What is your favorite joke ????????????????????????????

Question

Do you know any good jokes

Answer 1

How is this?

ecky was on her deathbed, with her husband Jake at her side. He
held her cold hand and tears silently streamed down his face. Her pale lips moved.

"Jake," she said.

"Hush," he quickly interrupted, "don't talk." But she insisted.

"Jake," she said in her tired voice. "I have to talk. I must confess."

"There is nothing to confess," said the weeping Jake. "It's all right. Everything's all right."

"No, no. I must die in peace. I must confess, Jake, that I have been unfaithful to you."

Jake stroked her hand. "Now, Becky, don't be concerned. I know all about it", he sobbed. "Why else would I poison you?"

Answer 2

A woman had a parrot that she took with her everywhere she went.
She would even take the parrot to the club with her when she went
dancing and drinking on Saturday nights. Whenever the woman went onto
the dance floor, the parrot would yell, "The roof, the roof, the roof
is
on fire, we don't need no water-let the muthafukkah burn!
Burn, muthafukkah, burn!" The crowd on the dance floor would always
cheer and holler in appreciation when the parrot would yell. This would

make the parrot yell even more and of course make the crowd go wild.
This
would go on all night long, everytime the parrot went out.

One Sunday morning the woman took the parrot to church and into the
choir stand with her.

And when the choir started to sing, the parrot yelled, "The roof, the
roof,

the roof is on fire, we don't need no water-let the muthafukkah burn!

Burn, muthafukkah, burn! She embarrassingly corrected the parrot,

"No, you don't say that here!!"


The parrot looked around and asked, "Why not? These are the same
muthafukkahs that was at the club last night!!!..

Answer 3

grampa and grandson walking down the street.....?
They notice a couple of dogs doint the nasty. they were bobbin and weavin in between the curbs which struck the curiosity of the grandson. He said,"Hey grampa what them two dogs are doin?". Of course grampa not wanting to get into a long discussion about the birds and the bees he had to come up with somethin quick. He says to the boy<"Well son, you see the dog on top? He hurt his paws and the dog on the bottom is just tryin to help get his friend to where he is goin". A little while later the grampa relieved that he had avoided what could have been disasterous, hears his grandson reply,"How bout that grampa, try to help out a friend you get f***** every time.

Answer 4

Well actually it's a riddle. You can also use it as a gage for how intelligent people are by how long it takes them to laugh. Here goes...

Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac?

He stayed awake all night wondering if there was a DOG!

Answer 5

John was laying on his bed in the hospital recovering from an accident and his wife Becky was by his bedside.

John: Becky you remember when I first saw you I stumbled, fell and broke my wrist.

Becky: Yes honey.

John: Remember when I failed my driving test how you were there?

Becky: Yes honey.

John: Remember when I lost my job you were there?

Becky: Yes honey.

John: Remember yesterday when I crashed into that truck you were there?

Becky: Yes honey.

John: Becky you are nothing but bad luck to me...get out of my life!!!

Answer 6

"Daddy, How Was I Born?"

A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"

The father answers: "Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!"

"Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe."

"We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said...

(scroll down)







...you've got male!"

Answer 7

A Marine dies in combat and wakes up to find he is in hell. He's really depressed as he stands in the processing line waiting to talk to an admittance counselor. He thinks to himself I know I lead a wild life but, Hell, I'm a Marine. We're expected to live wild lives. I wasn't that bad. I never thought it would come to this. "
Looking up he sees that it is his turn to be processed into hell. With fear and heavy heart, he walks up to the counselor.

Counselor: What's the problem, you look depressed?
Marine: Well, what do you think? I'm in hell.

Counselor: Hell's not so bad; we actually have a lot of fun. Do you like to drink?
Marine: Of course I do. I'm a Marine.

Counselor: Well then, you are going to love Mondays, On Mondays we drink up a storm. You can have whiskey, rum, tequila, beer, whatever you want and as much you want. We party all night long. You'll love Mondays. Do you smoke?
Marine: Yes, as a matter of fact I do.

Counselor: You are going to love Tuesdays. Tuesday is smoke day. You get to smoke the finest cigars and best cigarettes available anywhere. And you smoke to your heart's desire without worrying about cancer because you are already dead! Is that great or what? You are going to love Tuesdays.
Do you like to fight?
Marine: Of course I do. I'm a Marine!

Counselor: You are going to love Wednesdays. That's Fighting Day. We challenge each other to fights to see who's the toughest in Hell. You don't have to worry about getting hurt or killed, because you're already dead. You are going to love Wednesdays. Do you gamble?
Marine: Show me a Marine who doesn't!

Counselor: You are going to love Thursdays, because we gamble all day and night. Black jack, craps, poker, slots, horse races, everything! You are going to love Thursdays. Are you gay?
Marine: Of course, not! I'm a Marine!

Counselor: Oh (grimaces), you're going to hate Fridays.

Answer 8

that there is no joke sorry dude cant share more jokes cauz of less time can you give me 10 points

Answer 9

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~LEARNING TO SWEAR~~~~~~~~~~~~~
a 5 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom..."you know what?" says the 5 year old, "i think it's about time we start swearing."..."when we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna say "hell", and you say "***", ok?"...the 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.......the mother walks into the kitchen and ask the 5 year old what he wants for breakfast...."aw, hell mom, i guess i'll have some cheerios."........WHACK!!!!!!! he flies out of the chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out........
the mom looks at the 4 year old and ask with a stern voice, "AND WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR BREAKFAST, YOUNG MAN?!"......"i don't know, he blubbers,
"but you can bet ur *** it won't be cheerios.".............hope this one made u laugh..lol

Answer 10

This one's kinda plain, and it's far from my favorite, but....

Jimmy comes home stoned, and goes to the living room where his father is watching TV.
Jimmy: “Hey dad, where's mom?”
Father: “In the kitchen.”
Ten seconds later...
Jimmy: “Dad, where's mom?”
Father: “I told you, she's in the kitchen!”
Ten seconds later...
Jimmy: “Where's mom?”
Jimmy's father then grabs him by the collar, and drags him to the kitchen, "There! See? Is this the only way to make you understand?!"
Jimmy: "Oh! Mom, hey! Where's dad?"