Make me laugh?

Question

best jokes win

Answer 1

. . . if "all about me" is your mum then I'm up for it . . .

Answer 2

Life is full of emotions like laughing, smiling, crying, weeping, fear, hatred, jealousy and many more. Out of all these, laughing is loved and liked by all. That is why someone has rightly said, “ You laugh and the world will laugh with u, you weep and u shall weep alone.” Sometimes, life becomes monotonous and one starts getting bored. To remove such monotonousness and boredom, I feel that surfing on the following websites can be helpful in making one cheerful, refreshen up and gain some emotional or psychological energy too. Surf on them and see how helpful these are to u to bring a smile on ur face.
http://www.comedycentral.com/jokes/index.jhtml
http://www.ahajokes.com/
http://www.the-jokes.com/
http://www.lotsofjokes.com/
http://www.jokesgallery.com/
http://www.workjoke.com/projoke.htm
http://www.jokes2000.com/
http://yahooligans.yahoo.com/content/jokes/
http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/
http://www.kidsjokes.co.uk/
http://www.ahajokes.com/yo_mama_jokes.html
http://www.allfunnypages.com/funny-jokes/yo-mama-jokes/funny-yo-mama-jokes.htm
http://www.africanjokes.com/africanjokes/?id_category=98
http://www.blonde-jokes.info/
http://www.zelo.com/blonde/index.asp
http://www.indiabook.com/jokes/Entertainment_and_Arts/Bollywood/

Please visit the above pages to find different variety of jokes. I hope, it helps u in making u laugh. Enjoy and have fun..

Answer 3

A well known cardiologist died, an elaborate funeral was planned. A huge heart made of plastic covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the sevice. Following the eulogy, the heart opened up, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart to be burried. At that point one of the mourners burst into laughter. When confronted he said, "I`m sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral. I`m a gynaecologist

Answer 4

A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer,"is there a problem,Officer?"
"No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award.Congatulations.
"What do you think you're goin to do with the money?"
He thought for a minute and said, "Well i guess i'll go get that drivers' license."
The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman,"Oh don't pay attention to him-he's a smartass when he's drunk ans stoned."
The guy from the back seat said,"I TOLD you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!!"
At that a moment,there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said,"Are we over the border yet??"

Answer 5

Its not that funny...but what the heck....There was a man who had his arm shot off in a war. The doctors replaced it with an electric one, that performed whatever instructions he gave it, simply by talking to it.

One day he went into a pub toilet. He said "Undo Zip" so the arm undid his zip.

He said "Ready, aim, fire!" so he started to pee.

Then he saw a condom machine on the wall that was labeled as '$10 for 2!'

"RIP OFF!" he shouted.

His screams were heard throughout the bar...

Answer 6

Try this:-

The Height of Globalization was “Princess Diana”

”Wondering how?” C below

An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian driver, who was high on Scottish whiskey, followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, treated by an American doctor,using Brazilian medicines, dies !

Answer 7

Lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address:

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife

Subject: I've arrived Date: April 6, 2006

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!

Answer 8

once there were 4 kids. the first one goes mom how come my name is daisy. because when u were a baby i dropped a daisy on ur head.the next 1 goes mom how come my name is tulip. because when u were a baby i dropped a tulip on ur head. the third one goes mom how come my name is rose.because when u were a baby i dropped a rose on ur head.the fourth one goes duh.then the mom says shut up cynder block. end of joke. ha ha. hope that made u laugh

Answer 9

Horse walks into a bar, bartender asks "why the long face"?!

Man walks into a bar orders a beer as he sits down next to the piano player a monkey snatches his beer. Angry and stunned the man asks the bartender who owned the monkey. The bartender replied "the piano man", the angry man pounds his fist on the piano and shouted "DO YOU KNOW YOUR MONKEY STOLE MY BEER", the piano player replied, " No, but if you hum it I might be able to play it"!

Answer 10

An Iraqi general summons Saddam's 48 body doubles to a safe house in Iraq.

"I have good news and I have bad news" he told the doubles. "The good news is, Saddam is alive!"

Everybody in the room gave a big cheer "Saddam!" "Saddam!" "Saddam!" "Saddam!"

The Iraqi General then turned to the doubles and said, "The bad news is, he's lost an arm."

Answer 11

Okay. While I was playing basketball in the park, there's this girl who notices that when I grab rebounds with my long hands, she would cheer,"O'-Neal! O'- Neal!" I turned around and said to her, "Who the hell is O' Neal?" But then she shrugged, and kept on cheering the same "O- Neal!" chant during my street b-ball game of Game 21. And then, it hit me. She was referring to SHAQ! I was such an idiot that I didn't use common sense.... I even shot an AIR BALL on a free throw that even went OVER THE BACKBOARD!