How do I work a blended family and keep peace on both sides?

Question

I've been married for 8 years now and I have a child not by my wife and my wife has a child not by me but we all live in the house together I guess you can call it Brady Bunch style but anyway my daughter loves to spend time with her biological mom almost every weekend but my wife seems to think is a problem and voices this to me all the time. She seems to think its not allowing us to draw closer. Her son my stepson never sees his dad and in fact in the 8 years I think he's seen his dad maybe 5 or 7 times. I told my wife I like the fact my daughter is close to her mom and we have never had problems then I said how is this affecting us I said your fathers son never comes around and I never say anything about that of course she got mad but she was attacking me cause my daughters mom wants to be in her life. I guess my question is how do i deal with this cause I don't want to disrupt my daughter and her mom cause they have always spent alot of time together but I don't want my wife mad.

Answer 1

I'm just an outsider looking in on limited information, and what I'm about to post is a topical analysis. All I can do is give you a place to look, and not much more.

I'm wondering if the presence of your daughter's mother (possibly your ex-wife) is causing a streak of jealousy in your wife, and, I'm wondering if your daughter is being rebellious towards her stepmother because "bio mom" will back her up.

I find it remarkable that you have custody of your daughter. How did your daugher's bio mom not get custody?

If I were in the situation you describe, I'd do my best to reassure my wife that she is the woman want to be with most in the world, and I'd make sure my daughter was not getting sassy with her.

On a side note, is your daughter's bio mom a bad influence?

Answer 2

Dear Brother
Islam has solution to all your problems!

Do you mean to say you divorced your first wife and now you married another lady?

Any way, the responsibility of the children is on the shoulder of husband till they stand on their own feet.

If the children want to leave with their mother then it’s their right but the father should support them financially till they are fit to take care of them self.

This is a brief and to the point answer.
If you would like to know in details the rules and laws on how to manage a happy and peaceful home in your type of situation then I suggest the you check with Islamic scholar or visit a Misjed (mosque) near your area the Emam will help you.

May Allah (God ) help you find the Correct Way.

Regards
Companion

Answer 3

Ok, I'm from a blended family. Its just takes getting used to and all you can do is give it time. Plenty of patience and love and understanding. Councilling if necessary also. One family is used to one way of living and the other side a different way. Alot of compromises will be made. But rememeber this, no family is perfect!

Answer 4

i guess you need to take somemajor steps here,either be firm with your wife n tell her tht you cannot stop your daughter from seeing her biological mom and she getting nad i not gonna help either or you instead create unpleaantness in the house all the time or else it'll be better if you leave your daughter with her biological mom forever!!

Answer 5

talk about being in a complicated situation, you,re in the deep end, i guess you're trying to please 4 or 5 persons that matters most in your life, these people you loved most, you're the man of the house, man, focus on your pirority, get it right, & do not loose sight of it, and let those around you know what you've decided , women are good at wearing a person down by their constant whinning & complianing unitl you give in to their demand, and agree to their suggestion and let you think that it's your idea it'll never end, stand firm in your decision good luck!!