Why does a woman rationalize by saying "he's just afraid of a commitment"?

Question

when really, he just doesn't want to commit to you?

Does it make you feel better to put the blame on the guy, rather than focus on your own shortcomings?

Answer 1

I agree. If a guy is 100% sure about you, he wouldn't be afraid, it would feel right. But- its not really about the other person's short comings. As a girl with commitment issues, I think that it just takes some people longer get to know someone and get comfortable enough to say "This is it." and usually it does end up being the girl rushing into something and the guy saying "HOLD UP!" so it seems like the guy doesn't want to commit to the girl, when its just that he doesn't know yet- it takes more time. But the pushing and rushing that most women will do at this point only enforces that they aren't the one.

Answer 2

Uh yes it does make everyone feel better. It's not easy to accept rejection, but it is easier to accept rejection if the problem lies in someone else. Hence the phrase "it's not me, it's you." Everyone hates to hear it because it signals a breakup, but imagine how much worse the breakup would be if the person said "this isn't working out because of you" instead.

And maybe, just maybe, the problem is in the guy. Because he may think that he just doesn't want to commit to this girl specifically, but when he finds it happening to him again and again, then maybe it isn't that the girls aren't worth the committment, but that he isn't capable of it :)

Cheers.