What would you do if you was me? Please help. I know this is a long question.?

Question

I am so confused. I have been in a relationship fo 3 years now. And, we have our ups and downs. But, I do love him dearly.
The problem is I just recently I got in contact with my first love/High School boyfriend who I care so much about. And, now I think I am starting to have strong feelings for him again. We talk very often with one another on the computer at night for around 5-7 hours. And, he feels the same way about me. I mean you will always remember you first love. Should I get back with him or stay with the one I am with. My High School boyfriend does have a daughter, so I would have to be ready for that which I believe I am. I really don't want to hurt anyone. My boyfriend now sometimes I feel like he doesnt take anything seriously and never has the time to sit down and listen to my problems.
And, my boyfriend now already told me he doesn't really want to get married or have childern. And, that is somthing I really want out of life.
I am 22 y/o.

My High School boyfriend and I broke up, because only for some mis-understandng.
And, my current boyfriend is almost 26y/o, so he should by now know what he wants out of life,

Yes, my current boyfrien knows that I am talking with my ex. He isn't happy with it, but is only talking a problem?

Answer 1

First, does present poyfriend know you're communicating with ex? If not, you need to tell him right away to maintain honesty. It's important also for you to examine closely your present relationship, not just decide who's better. But it seems as though you're not happy with him, and you need to talk to him about that, too. The not wanting to get married and have kids is a big point, and even if ex weren't in the picture, you maybe wouldn't want to be with present boy for that reason alone. I mean, people can change, but if you've been together three years and he still doesn't want to marry you, that seems like a problem.

So instead of deciding between them, decide:

a. Do I want to stay with this guy?

and then separately, if the answer is no,

b. Do I want a relationship with my ex?

That doesn't have to be decided right away. Take it slowly, more conversation and whatnot, and see if it's right. Get to know his daughter and their relationship and see if the whole picture is right for you. There's no reason you HAVE to be with ex if you aren't with the guy you're with now.

p.s. Does ex want to get married and have more kids?

Answer 2

It sounds like you have some serious communication issues with your current boyfriend. Schedule some time with him when you can sit down and have a serious talk. He needs to know what your goals and expectations are, and needs to know that you're feeling like you're not on the same course in life. Let him know that you're looking to get more serious, that you'd like to get married and start a family; make sure he knows you're not saying it has to happen *now* or anything, but that it *is* in your plans for the future, and if he's not interested in those things, he may find that your plans for the future won't include him.

As for the ex-boyfriend--if he's got a daughter already, there's probably a mother somewhere in the picture, which can complicate things. You need to also make sure the two of you are communicating clearly about what the situation is with the daughter, and with his daughter's mother. Make sure that you're not looking at him with rose-coloured glasses, thinking the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Think back to why he's your ex, and not your current boyfriend, and figure out if those problems are likely to come up again, or if things really are different now.
Good luck with it--and remember, above all else, open honest communication is key in situations like this!

Answer 3

Juz do what your heart tells you. No one can decide for you, cuz you are the only one who really know your feeling.

To make a relationship work, you need to have the same "destination" of your relationship. When you said he doesn't wanna get married/have kids (which you wanna have), I'm afraid that it would bring you to zero. But, it doesn't mean that he wouldn't change his mind once. Remember, everything is possible. And I think your bf is around your age, right? He's still young. I juz think he's not ready yet for a such big commitment. But again, there's always a chance to change his mind.

I was in the same boat like you, but with a bit different version.
My bf (now is my husband) didn't wanna get married/have kids. And there was another guy who loved me so much, and I liked him a lot too. The 2nd guy is family guy, which the kind I was longing for.
But then, I decided to stay with my bf cuz we are match to each other perfectly.
And it was the best decision I've ever made, cuz then he suddenly proposed me and now I'm happily married ;-)

So I can only tell you, juz think about it clearly. Juz dun go to another guy juz cuz of the thing that isn't sure yet now. If you think your bf is worthy to fight for, juz go for it. But if not, then leave him. Remember, you are still young. There are many guys out there. You options is not limited only with these 2 guys.

Good luck ;-)

Answer 4

You clearly do not know what you want out of life. Your ex boyfriend is giving you all the attention you lack from your current boyfriend and this is what is confusing you I believe. Talk to your current boyfriend and tell him how you feel.

As regarding the fact that he does not want to get married and have children, is this only a thing you discovered now since you are chatting with your ex or you always knew about it? If you knew how he felt, why did you stick with him for 3 years and you are complaining just now? Did you use your boyfriend until you find someone that can satisfy your desire??

Also, did you wonder why did you break up with your ex? If he is so good in everything... better than your current boyfriend, and he can give you all that you lack with your current boyfriend, why did you break with him???

Answer 5

Well if your current boyfriend of 3 years, doesn't really want to be married and have children and this is something you want, then why are you still with him?

As for the "first love" just remember that time changes things. So if you go back to the first love, don't expect it to be like it was the first time around. We all grow and change because of life experiences. Also why did you two break up in the first place. That would be part of the consideration of getting back together.
Good Luck and take it slow.

Answer 6

You don't really know what you want...the old flame is giving you the attention you are lacking with the current boyfriend. Do you really think things will be better if you hook back up with him? You are young and need to spend some time on your own learning about who you are and what it is you want out of life before you run off and get married and start a family.

Answer 7

Have you talked with your man? Here's my deal. I was in the same situation you are in now. I chose to leave and it ended up turning my life around. I was with my high school sweetheart for almost 8 years. I found an old crush of mine way back when I was in the 7th grade. We started talking and he came to visit. Turns out I thought I had feelings for him. I broke up with my long term boyfriend (we were engaged and all that). Two weeks after we broke up, my ex started seeing someone else and a year later they got engaged and are now married. I am married now to someone totally different have a little boy. I love my little boy. My husband, on the other hand is difficult to deal with. I look back and see that had I been with my ex we would of had the best relationship. I miss him alot and think about him constantly, but cannot go back. Not saying I'm miserable, but I wish I would of thought of things before I did them. Hope this helps and sorry for my rambling.

Answer 8

It sounds like you've already made up your mind, even if you don't realize it. If you and your bf want different things in the future (you want a family, he doesn't), then that is not likely to change after three years. However, you should never break up with someone just to hook up with someone else. If you're going to call things off, do it for right reasons (which you've stated). If you're going to hook up with your ex, just remember that people change. I can almost guarantee you that he is an entirely different person than he was in high school. Time and life does that. So try not to have expectations that things will be like they were then, cuz they won't be. Just be sure you're absolutely positive you want to give up the guy you already have.

Answer 9

For pete's sake don't leave your current guy unless you know how serious the old guy is.It sounds like you assuming that you three(him&the daughter) will live happily ever after.Remember like the other dude said it's very hard to be a step mom.My main advice Don't just jump into things.If Mr Old is serious then go with your heart. I trust you'll do whats best for every1 &more importantly for you.

Answer 10

realy this is a big problem
but who can marry u
i felt with ur question that u r want merry quick
but i think that u r not too old any way
and i don't know how did u seperate ( u & first one )
what ever u had; why did u talk with him? and even u had felt in love with the second spicially u had talk about ur oldies memory
i think that u have to leave the first alone
cuase u will lose both of them
and the past is the past any way