Is there ever a right time to tell a friend that they have a drink problem?

Question

I know lots of people who drink regularly and to excess. Some seem more dependent on alcohol than others in that they seem unwilling or unable to socialise without it. I do worry about some of them. When - and how - could I tell them of my fears?

Answer 1

Just remember that you can't control their behavior. You can only ask them how they feel and tell them how you feel.
Helping people with alcohol is a 3-step process. If you don't get past one step, do NOT try to go to the next, because you will only be seen as pushy and THEY are not ready for the next step even if you are.

ASK them if they have thought of their drinking as a problem. IF and only if they have, proceed with step 2. If they don't see a problem, they are not ready for change. You can ask them questions like "Do you ever get angry when you drink?" "Do you ever miss work or school from drinking?" "Do people ask you or discuss with you about your drinking?"

ADVISE them that you really care about them and you think their alcohol might be hurting their life. IF and only if they agree, they are ready for action.

ASSIST them with getting into AA or talking with their doctor. Follow-up with them to make sure they are sincere about making a change. Do not let them put it off.


Some people take months or years just to get past step one. Do what you can to help that step before touching the subject of step 2, etc.

Answer 2

Am a bit of a drinker myself and socialize better when drunk, I've had fears that I'm becoming alcohol dependent but always give myself from a week to a month alcohol free time to prove to myself am in control. I always do this once in a while because I love my drink but would not like it controlling my life.

Tell your friends definitely and observe their reactions, I don't mind being told about my problems, in fact I appreciate it and get to think about it coz I may not have realized I've got a problem. And I think as long as your friends know what they're doing and stay on top of things then I don't see the reason why they should not enjoy themselves.

Answer 3

hello you sound like that you are a good friend for this person,however do you have hang ups about this person drinking to excess or is it that you are afraid if you join in with the drinking that you may become dependant like them?
whatever approach the subject of drinking and how often and how much each of a group of friends drinks in say an average weekend,make it like a quiz and when each person is sober then these people who are excessivley drinking may be surprised to see how much they are drinking when it is written down in black and white,also couple it up with some health promotion leaflets from your local gp or hospital so that information is factual and there to show them ok...

Answer 4

To be honest, unless your friend(s) are obviously affecting their health, changing their behaviour so that they damage their relationships, or confiding in you that they feel they have a problem, the problem of your fears is your problem, not theirs - so whether you feel the need to burden them with it and when is your call.

To often I think people are too ready to assume others have a drinking problem based on how much they see the others drink and their own preferences - remember, a 'problem' requires some form of harm to be occuring.

Answer 5

no there is never a good time to tell them.
it depends on how close you are to your friend.when you do address the issue you will probably be old that there is not a problem.because if their drinking is a real issue they will not come forward and admit it straight away.drinking in excess is never a good idea and if they think they do not have a problem there is not a lot you can do. good luck

Answer 6

If it comes down to saving someones life, then now is the right time. Alcoholism leads to poor health and premature death. I know from experience however that some alcoholics won't accept that they have a problem. I hope they can accept they have a problem and seek help, and have support from people like yourself.

Answer 7

It doesn't matter when you tell them because if they can't see it themselves then they won't care or do anything about it. All you can do is express your concerns about the amount they drink and they might agree with you, but if you just accuse them of being alcoholics they might get defensive and deny it.

Answer 8

Ooh go carefully with this one! I tried - my friend was drunk in the street, falling down etc etc. She had a son so I tried to do it out of concern for the child - who was hiding out at my house, by the way - it didn't work. She denied it and it caused a rift in our friendship. By the way, I never got beyond saying "I found your son crying because he says you drink too much ..."
It was awful. She's got in under control now, whether as a reaction to me, I don't know. It never gets mentioned. She passes me bottles of wine she gets as gifts though.
There's no easy answer. You take your life/friendship in your hands with this one.

Answer 9

now is the right time if you are genuinely worried - but be prepared to be in the receiving end of some flak if they're not ready to hear it. Tread gently or you just may find yourself on the outer because they can't handle it.
good luck!

Answer 10

I suspect they will know themself that they drink to excess. All you can do is tell them you are worried about them. You could arrange nights out that don't involve booze. There really isn't much you can do, they have to confront their demons by themself, all you can do is support.