Things ppl have said in court?

Question

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
> > WITNESS: July 18th.
> >
> > ATTORNEY: What year?
> > WITNESS: Every year.
> >
> > _____________________________________
> >
> >
> >
> > ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
> > WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
> >
> > ______________________________________
> >
> >
> > ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
> > WITNESS: Yes.
> >
> > ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
> > WITNESS: I forget.
> >
> > ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something You
>forgot?
> >
> > _____________________________________
> >
> >
> >
> > ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
> > WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
> >
> > ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
> > WITNESS: Forty-five years.
> >
> > _____________________________________
> >
> >
> >
> > ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
>morning?
> > WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
> >
> > ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
> > WITNESS: My name is Susan.
> >
> > ______________________________________
> >
> >
> >
> > ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
>voodoo?
> > WITNESS: We both do.
> >
> > ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
> > WITNESS: We do.
> >
> > ATTORNEY: You do?
> > WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
> >
> > ______________________________________
> >
> >
> >
> > ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
> > sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
> > WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
> >
> > ___________________________________
> >
> >
> >
> > ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
> > WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one..
> >
> > ________________________________________
> >
> >
> >
> > ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
> > WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
> >
> > ________________________________________
> >
> >
> >
> > ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
> > WITNESS: Yes.
> >
> > ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
> > WITNESS: Uh....
> >
> > ______________________________________
> >
> >
> >
> > ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
> > WITNESS: Yes.
> >
> > ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
> > WITNESS: None.
> >
> > ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
> >
> > ______________________________________
> >
> >
> >
> > ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
> > WITNESS: By death.
> >
> > ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
> >
> > ______________________________________
> >
> >
> > ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
> > WITNESS: He was about medium height with a beard.
> >
> > ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
> >
> > ______________________________________
> >
> >
> >
> > ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
> > deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
> >
> > WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
> >
> > _______________________________________
> >
> >
> >
> > ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on
> > dead people?
> > WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
> >
> > ______________________________________
> >
> >
> >
> > ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go
>to?
> > WITNESS: Oral.
> >
> > _______________________________________
> >
> >
> >
> > ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
> > WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m..
> >
> > ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
> > WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
> > autopsy on him!
> >
> > ______________________________________
> >
> >
> >
> > ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
> > WITNESS: Huh?
> >
> > ______________________________________
> >
> >
> >
> > ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
> > a pulse?
> > WITNESS: No.
> >
> > ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
> > WITNESS: No.
> >
> > ATTORNEY Did you check for breathing?
> > WITNESS: No.
> >
> > ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
> > began the autopsy?
> >
> > WITNESS: No.
> >
> > ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> > WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
> >
> > ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
> > WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
> > practicing law.
> >
> >
> >
> > _______________________________________
> >
> >
> >
> > ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
> > WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
> >
> > ______________________________________

Answer 1

ROTF LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That was a great dose of laughter to start off with this morning!! Thank You! You must dish about where you got this from!

Answer 2

Thats realy funny
i have a true one you might not believe.
my mum and her friend were sat in the back of the court room when they were about 19.Her friend had bought yoyo's so they didnt get bored.she there sat there quietly playing and the judge stops them " if you dont stop playing with those yoyo's ill have you both held in contempt" so my mums mate said " you want one,they light up?!" my mum took the yoyo off him and he yelled "she stole my yoyo" in the middle of court,neither got thrown out lol -x-

Answer 3

One time I was in court and I got so mad at the judge I layed down on the floor and "releaved" myself. I did it in protest, but I got a really long sentance.

Answer 4

Lovely. If thats how all of my opponents are going to be like when I am a lawyer, I really will luck out.

Answer 5

I have never heard those before! Very funny. Just what I needed to start my day.

Answer 6

Brilliant!!!! - Just goes to show that some of the legal profession are not all that bright

Answer 7

Brilliant, the water is still rolling down my legs, what a howler.

Barrister ... Prisoner in the dock.. Do you recognise this Court?
Prisoner.....No, has it been painted?

Judge.........Have you ever been up before me?
Prisoner.....Don't know yer Honour, what time do you get up at?

Judge.........How dare you fart in front of me!
Prisoner.....Sorry yer Honour, i didn't know it was your turn!

Answer 8

LOL. Yep. We humans are such geniuses,huh? LOL.

Have a great afternoon!

Answer 9

brill - as a hopeful law student myself it touched a nerve!

Answer 10

Very good. Last one made me laugh.