Marriage (Part I)
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night ..whether you're here or not."
(DAMN SHE'S GOOD!)
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Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last"
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
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Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house.
After some time, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"
(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)
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Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.
He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.
He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?'
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
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Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 am for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 am" He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
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God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
2006-08-28 22:13:34 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
lol! they're great!
2006-08-28 22:29:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely wicked especially the one about the silence and the note.
2006-08-29 02:47:09 · answer #2 · answered by Ruksana P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely brill,you made my day with those,i only wish that i had a printer-well funny,and best Ive seen in ages lol:-)
2006-08-28 22:40:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thank you for a good time we ( hubby n self but ofcourse ) shared enjoying the jokes.
2006-08-29 00:54:14 · answer #4 · answered by Rainbow 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you must agree we are the prettier to look at......
let no man treat you like a piece of rubbish in the gutter....it has to be mutual trust, love, understanding..... but most of all never go to sleep without making up first....
2006-08-28 22:26:22 · answer #5 · answered by fossil 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I loved them all, but the first one was best of the lot.
2006-08-29 03:27:02 · answer #6 · answered by Daisy the cow 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is refreshing to find something that is acceptable in terms of taste. Well done.
2006-08-28 22:18:45 · answer #7 · answered by kytho 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
meow ih didn,t stay married long enough to find out thank god
2006-08-28 22:45:55 · answer #8 · answered by martin r 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They're funny as long as they're happening to someone else. Have you ever actaully been married...?
2006-08-28 23:40:39 · answer #9 · answered by cdf-rom 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Cosmic!!
2006-08-28 22:37:49 · answer #10 · answered by chrisnewcars 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Those are awesome! It's nice to have a good laugh first thing in the morning. Thanks for sharing :)
2006-08-28 22:26:29 · answer #11 · answered by stormieserenity 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋