If you discovered that you were adopted, is it ok if I you want to know your real mom or dad?

Question

Or I should just let it go, since I've got loving parents right now. I do have the right to my questions right?

Oh by the way, I'm 24 years old and also have a family of my own.

omg! u guys have opened up so more ideas I have never thought. Thanks.

You guys are right, I do need it for medical reasons. And you guys also have a point, what if my mom wanted to forget about me. Oh my I'm so confused. T_T

binhducduong that was a touching story. Like you, I wanted to know why my mom gave me up to the father I know now. But I'm also afraid that she wouldn't want to bother with me after 24 years.

Or then again, she is also wondering how far I've gone right? I turned out a wonderful mother and a nice person. Wouldn't she want to know that too.

aaahh... life...

you guys thanks. Raju ur right, thats why I'm hesitant about asking my dad the truth. I don't want to hurt him. He's so sweet. And quick_sand, thanks fo understanding, but I'm afraid being here in my country, they just give away children without being registered. I even have papers that I was born to my adopted mother.

Answer 1

Its not wrong if u want to know who ur real parents actually are..u say u love ur current parents then i wud suggest that while ur in search process dont hurt them..atleast tell one of them or else tell ur spouse. at least some1 will knw n u wont be guilty..u r not wrong until u dont hurt ur other parents..remember they've taken care of u..just dont hurt them..take care:)

Answer 2

I am going to try to answer this from a birth mother's perspective. Your birth mother gave you life and she also gave you her heart. She did the best she could for you and that was to make sure you grew up in a loving home with 2 parents. Talk to your parents and let them know that you have questions they may be able to provide the answers for you. They may even be a part of an open adoption so they would already know your birth mothers name and address. If you want to know your birth parents there is nothing wrong with that. Your birth mother may not want to know you or maybe has not confided in her husband about you. Perhaps you were a child of rape or other sexual exploitation in which case she will really not want to see you. These are all things you must consider before you find her. You do have the right to questions and you have a right to at least some of the answers. This situation is so personnel to you and the birth mother that is going to be very emotional any way you go about it. Best answer is to think long and carefully about what you want to do and when you decide be sure it is something you can live with for the rest of your life.

Answer 3

When I married my hubby, he legally adopted my daughter. She never knew her real dad until a yr ago. The reason that she met up w/ him was because I wanted her to know him and have a relationship w/ him. No, he doesnt want her living w/ him but just be there to hang out w/ occasionally, when its convenient for him. Yes I also did it for medical reasons, which she has alot of. And she had the right to know him. Im sure that u love ur parents and I bet if u talked w/ them, they would understand y u wanted to meet ur biological parents. Explain to them that u have questions that only the biological parents can answer. Pray about it first. Best of luck.

Answer 4

My mom and dad sat me down at the age of 21 and told me that my dad wasn't really my dad, but he had a 2 1/2 inch thick folder on who actually was.

I have been getting to know him ever since and it has been hard. It has been hard on me emotionally because he knew about me from birth and didn't want to see me until I contacted him, and also he's an alcholic and drug user and I grew up in a loving Christian home. And it has been hard on my wife because she wants nothing to do with him because of what he did to me.

But I think there is something embedded in us to know where we come from. Just be very confident that no matter who your biological parents are, they haven't earned the right to be your mom or dad and let them know it up front that you have a mother and a father. Also, just because they genetically have similarities with you, you are your own person.

It has been a blessing overall for me, even though it has been difficult. I recommend you at least meet them once.

Answer 5

since no one knows who I am here, I will tell you I am a birth mother. The adoptive parents came looking for me. It was up to me whether to have contact. I said yes. Because of the type of people who adopted her, it was easy to merge both families. By their choice, wanted me in her life. I thought it was a closed adoption, even though I chose the parents. They changed that. I am glad they did. She was told from the very begining, who I was, because of the type of people they are, she adapted to it like it was as normal as anyone elses family. Not everyone is going to have that experience...You are perhaps wondering things about yourself now that you know. Your eye color, traits etc. and probably want answers to some questions you may have, like why did they allow someone else to raise you as their own, I do not like the term "given away/given up". You have the right to your questions. How does your parents feel about this, are you able to talk to them about how you are feeling right now. If they are ok with you looking for your biological parent(s), then you can look for something called Adoption Registry. I wish I knew where to tell you to look for that, but it is legit, and it has names of people who won't mind being located. I have also heard of some people who have regreted finding what they were searching for. The birthmother was young, or in trouble, and later in years got married w/children by him and never told the spouse about the child that was adopted. So some people don't want to be found. You will have to decide that for yourself, and I know it isn't easy for you...My daughter is 20 now, and I am glad I have her in my life, if you do find what your looking for, I hope she feels the same way. Hope things work out for you.

Answer 6

I know what your going through. When I found out I was adopted I went to find my real parents. I wanted to know why they left me, and why they couldn't keep me. I always figured that they did it so that I would have a better life. I always wanted to find my real parents to give them the love that they gave me, they made the hardest decision to let me go to have a chance at a good life with a good family, and give them a good life now. I found my real parents and found the answers to my questions. My father was a married man who had an office affair with his boss. They didn't want any complication with their "perfect" life and I was too far gone to have an abortion, so they had me, and left me at the hospital which immediately called the Adoption agency when they found out that I had been abandoned. I found out that I was given up and left because of the obvious and simple reason that I wasn't wanted. But I also found out that your parents ain't the people that gave birth to you or are your genetic matches, they're the people who loved you, and took care of you, and watched you grow from a boy to a man, and are proud of you and want you. That's who your, and my parents are. I hope this helps you, good luck with your life.

Answer 7

Its natural that you do want to know about your parents. But just don't hurt your adopted parents by making it so prominent. Do it at your own speed and time and money but remember, you were given up for adoption for a reason...your birth mother might not want you if she is in a relationship with someone who doesn't know she had a baby already.

Answer 8

I think you have a right to some questions being answered. It might be helpful for some medical reasons. But it might lead to some heartbreak if the parents dont want to be contacted or if they are some one who will come in your life like a leach that you dont want in your life.

Answer 9

Sometimes you need to know for some sort of closure. You may not know why you need to know them but maybe you need the closure to get over it. You need to also reassure your adopted parents that you will still love them no matter who your real parents are. If you feel it in your heart that you need to know your real parents, just go ahead or you will regret it later or worse.... blame your loving adopted parents.

Answer 10

I think that is a personal decision you have to make on your own.. many people do seek their parents for answers or closures. Just follow your heart to make that decision.

Wishing you the best -
Hugs Mel (Loving memory of my son, my angel Zachary Aug. 2, 2006)