My 13 year old doesn't like me asking questions or bothering him. I understand this is normal. I went through it with his brother, but this one is more snotty. Any suggestions on how to approach him without irritating him. It is more complicated this time too because his father and i are living in different houses and sometimes i feel i am losing him. He is with me only a couple days in the week. i just want to let him know I love him and I'm here for other things besides FOOD!
2006-08-28 20:54:32 · 12 answers · asked by Jacqueline 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My oldest turned 13 in April, and since then the magical "teenage syndrome" has set in, where the normally compliant and patient boy is now talking back, more defiant, and edgy. It's hormones that affect their behaviour, not their true feelings. I've been reading a lot of literature lately that discusses how the goal of successful parenting is to not have your children hate you by the time they turn 18, often we forget what it was like to be that age.
For boys it's especially difficult to be going between homes, as they miss the other parent (especially their mother) and they don't know how to express their feelings. They aren't us, our 13 yr. olds aren't gonna come up and say "mom I really love you and miss being with you all the time," I mean come on!! That's the kind of stuff we can say to people, but look at our ages and life experiences. The best thing to do is be consistent in your behaviour toward him, and just try to to little things, like maybe watch a DVD together, something that he chooses. If it's a good movie, or especially a funny movie, that usually opens kids up and is a shared activity that can lead to more talking, etc.....<3
2006-08-31 06:01:19 · answer #1 · answered by aliisdisturbed 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He still loves you. But not in the same way when he was a child. He's turning into an adult and he definitely do not need his mom to tuck him in bed and telling him a bedtime story. You need to change your mindset and be his friend. Give him the space he needs and at the same time looking out for him (not too obviously though). Your last sentence shows your resentment which could be a disadvantage to you. You need to understand that teenages go through a whole lot of hormone changes and they can be irrational most of the time. If you start to resent his behaviour, you will definitely lose him. Mothers usually lose out to fathers at this stage as fathers are not so uptight.
Is he a second child? Second child are usually more attached to the family. When you live separately from your husband, he feels that his passion is lost. Once again, be his friend.
2006-08-29 04:21:19 · answer #2 · answered by delusionale 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, man, I thought I was the only one! I have two boys, 13 and 15, and they certainly aren't Mum's little guys anymore. One of them is always out with his friends, and only comes in to eat. The other one is always in his room, and only comes out to...you guessed it...eat. I bet if I gave them each a fridge and a microwave, I'd NEVER see them. It used to really bother me - I'm a single parent and we used to be so close - but it doesn't anymore because I know it's just a part of them growing up. It won't help to pester them, so I let them come to me when they want to hang out with me or talk or whatever...the trick is to be there when they're ready, and that can be difficult because I get doing my own thing while they're pretending that I don't exist! I've been told that this will change in time, they will get more interactive and responsive as adolescence passes. In a sense, I am losing my babies, but gaining two independent young men, and looking at it that way helps. Hope it helps you, too - you are not alone in what you are feeling.
2006-08-29 04:03:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not that they really want you to leave them alone. I'm a girl, but when I was 13, I didn't want my mom around either. At that age, kids don't really care about your feelings. They care more about what their friends think. But that will come to pass. Just keep instilling in him that you do love him. My mom made sure I knew she loved me. Then after I got over my little "too cool" stage, I discovered a whole new appreciation for my mom. I am 28 now, and I appreciate all that she did for me.
So do my brothers....who were once 13 and too cool!
2006-08-29 04:04:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a shame.
I hope it works out.
Hormones at this age are crazy, and will keep increasing.
Hang in there. Try to get out of the house together on day trips, or suggest to him that he invite a friend over, or something like that. Ask him what he'd like to do if he'd have a day with just the two of ya's, and make him decide, and be his choice.
2006-08-29 05:25:38 · answer #5 · answered by montanasamra 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just talk to him. Be open about it when he talks. But do lay down the rules and tell him that you don't expect to be disrespected and that he shouldn't be rude to you. Do ask him how school was, what he thinks of his friends and tell him that you are there for any time that he wants to talk. Tell him that you miss talking to him, spend more time with him, take him out and generally be supportive...he'll get over it but it will take some time!
2006-08-29 05:20:51 · answer #6 · answered by DrSH 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, they do! They being in a tough age do not know what to say because they are confused and scared. Since you and their dad live seperately, they might want to keep to themselves. It is not because they do not love you. I will bet that they will be the ones who are the most saddest if anything happened to you. I know this because this happened with my cousin brother and when his mothe got diagnosed with diabetes, he cried like anything!
2006-08-29 07:00:45 · answer #7 · answered by Buddingwriter92 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your teenage boy does want your love regardless of what he shows. At this age it is difficult children tend to try and be rebellious. He will always want you to love him but what you have to realise is that he will only want it when he wants it. Try to leave him not torment him and when the time is right he will come to you.
2006-08-29 04:57:59 · answer #8 · answered by lisa 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you do realize every boy(and girl) falls in love with their mom right at 13 he is raging hormones be loving and tell him you love him and he will come around I wish I could be more help good luck
2006-08-29 04:02:19 · answer #9 · answered by Kevin E 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when i was 10 my mother left me so i did not have a mother as a teen so just let him know what it would be like without you
2006-08-29 04:15:19 · answer #10 · answered by drugelord 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋