Ladies help please, should I walk away?

Question

I am totally in love with my girlfriend, and I let her know this, but we have our problems. We have talked a couple of times where she has said that she does not know what she truly wants from a relationship, all that she knows is that she does not want to be on her own for the rest of her life.

After talking we have continued to see each other and she has said that she has strong feelings for me. My question is, should I walk away now as I know that it would crucify me to do so but if I leave it any longer the pain, if possible, will only be worse? Or should I hang on in there until she tells me that she no longer wants a relationship with me?

No lame responses to score point please.

Thanks for all the answers,they have been very helpful. While writing this question it became clear to me that I will hang in there as long as possible. I love and am in love with my girlfriend so it is the only thing to do!

Answer 1

You say that you are considering walking away now to protect yourself from and futher heartache that "might" occur in the future

I have to say, that is a super philosophy - that way you could go through your entire life without ever knowing anyone.

The very reasone people fall out of love is because after a while, the "perfect image" is tainted. (There are two types of inpefections) Everyone has a certain criteria for their ideal partners and when you don't know someone, they can seem so perfect, so irrisistable. that image will greatly deteriorate after a month or two when you start to fart freely and pick your nose whilst watching top gear.
The other isnt so foul, it might be a sensitivity towards violence or a shyness that you might see in yourself as an imperfection (they see it as endeering)
Once in a while you might find people that are still in love after 30 years (5 years is a breakthrough these days) It isn't because they don't feel hurt of pain or even because they still see each other as perfect - No way. After thirty years you know they have the dirt on each other big time and you know they annoy one another too.
Over those thirty years they have been through more hurt, pain, loss, happiness and love that anyone else has - the difference between them and us - they have been through it together.

My point is that you shouldn't run away from the prospect of pain.
She might find the fact that you are worried about it endeering.
A feeling of apprehension towards the relationship might just prove to be its turning point. Tell her, she might think its cute. Then, if she accepts that imperfection - you might just get away with farting and picking you nose. It is after all the "bad" stuff you remember and chuckle at when a person is gone.

I hope this is kinda helpful, i am not sure if you will get it because of the confusing way i wrote it out but let me know.

Laura

Answer 2

Has she got feelings for you or is she just with you for the sake of being with someone? If it's the second then yes - I'd walk away but if you are both happy I don't really see the problem? Any relationship that doesn't involve disagreements and problems isn't a healthy relationship because it means someone is backing down all the time to keep the other happy. It is ALWAYS going to hurt when you break up with someone babe - whether you've been together ages or not. It seems to me that you are cutting off your nose to spite your face. Breaking up with someone just so it doesn't hurt more later is a strange philosophy!! I think if you break up with her now you will always regret it because you didn't wait around to see it last the distance. Personally I'd rather risk being hurt more later than spending the rest of my life wondering how things would've turned out if I hadn't run away. If you're not happy then leave but if you are, then hang around to enjoy being with her for as long as it lasts. Good luck and be happy!!! :)

Answer 3

It sounds to me like she is playing games with you, holding on to you until she decides what she wants, or until she has a better offer from some other guy. But then again I could be totally wrong in saying that, as I do not know her like you do. It also sounds like she has confidence issues, is she with you rather than being on her own? That's not a good enough reason to be with someone. A person should be strong enough to look after themselves emotionally and mentally before they can be an equal partner in a relationship, she has to help and support you as well as you offering her support. I am sorry I cannot tell you whether to end the relationship or not, as it is not for me to say, but it does sound like she needs to work out what she wants, and whether or not that is you. Good luck, and remember, if it does come to an end that you will get through it.

Answer 4

OK i start with a lame responce to score the points. Get your head sorted.

Now you have to ask yourself one question: does she trust you and feels secure in your realtionship? does she feel that if you meet someone that you might get carried away with she will be dumped.. Get this point sorted , ask her if she trusts you, you might think of using roundabout ways of doing so, you know her better. The point is what is it that she isn't sure about? if you truly love someone ... it's either you are not sure of them, or you are not sure of yourself, and of the stregnth of their's and your own feelings. otherwise it must be possible to sort out other bits and pieces of a relationship, but both must cooperate, not just one. The other question is why are you hurt while seeing her? is she not giving you enough of what you want from a relationship? you have to think if there's a hold up somewhere. if you want to help her in getting her head sorted, ask her what she wants from life... We all have a stage once in a while when we aren't sure of anything. And remember: any relationship has hard times, and those stay together who are both open and ready to work it out.

Answer 5

Hello Good Guy,

Sounds to me like your girlfriend doesn't know what she wants out of your relationship. My advice would be to take a break for awhile which I know will be hard on you as you love her so much.

Just say that you feel you need some time to sort your feelings out after what she told you about not wanting to be in a relationship with you. She may well say that she does which is great, but look after yourself and do what is right for you.

We all need some time away from the people that we love and sometimes, absence surely does make the heart grow fonder.

If you want to message me for a chat, just send me a message xx

Answer 6

There's probably no good advice, sadly.
I should try and gather myself up and walk away, not so much because she doesn't seem to care enough but because she admits she doesn't know herself, and i know too well what it's like, she'll be prone to change of moods, constantly looking for something, trying to change her life but not knowing how, and wearing out herself and everyone who cares for her, that is you, primarily. I'm saying I know all too well bc many people come through that stage in life and i've been like that myself.

But the difficult part of it is - it's never easy to go. Neither for your own sake nor even for her sake. It may be less painful if you've reconciled yourself to the thought there's no other way but to leave. If you hang on with her but keep thinking there's no way further, after a while pain may subside and you will be ready to go.
My god how it hurts. I know the agony. Splitting up makes you feel like you tear your chest open and eat your throbbing heart.

Bless you, mate, I do wish it were over for you soon this way or another, for your own good

Answer 7

Leave, I've been in a similar situation before. She is only with you to avoid being alone but she's not right for you. She may not even realise this herself. If you leave now you keep your dignity and sanity. Mark my words, another bloke will come along and even if she doesn't mean to she will fall for him which will leave you alone and very depressed. These type of girls don't mean to cause harm usually, but that's the way it will go, trust me. I fell into a two year long depression after that happened to me because I loved the girl so much. It hurt so much that only now, 5 years later, can we be friends again. And we are good friends again now, but if you want to have even a friendship with her in the long run you have to let her go now, I wish I was strong enough to, hopefully you are.

Answer 8

Tough one. You know what the right thing to do is - and that is to walk away now. Your question suggests to me that she just does not want to be alone and whilst she likes you a lot - enough to spend lots of time with you - deep down, she knows you are not the one for her. She is still looking and believe me, when she finds what she is looking for, she will not give you a second thought.

This could be one of the hardest things you ever do - but self preservation is the name of the game here.

If you do find the strength to walk away, make sure you keep in touch with lots of friends and family and fill your time up doing things you like to do. Don't sit at home brooding and drinking.

She will not make you happy in the long run.

Wish you lots of luck.

Answer 9

how old are you? this will come up again and again, if she's isnt entirely happy now, and she only wants 'your company' to stave off lonliness? she has co dependancy issues i think.. on having someone around , until someone better comes along maybe, depends how much you can put up with, if i was in your shoes, i'd ask outright the questions you need to know the answers to ..from HER, where do you see yourself/your relationship in five years from now?
strong feelings? i mean I have strong feelings for my pet rats, wheres is the L word?
i think you're on a two way street going in opposite directions.
...hurt now or hurt later?
either way, in my opinion i think she will come to her senses if you lay it all out on the line, or, you will get your answer..
I'm an 'all or nothing' type person, i wouldnt settle for second best.
you deserve equal love not just scraps of what you are offered

Answer 10

look this is not an easy thing to go through but you really gotta ask yourself this do you love her or not... ive been with my bf for over 8 years and i tell you its finaly setled down i mean ive cheated on him twice and told him and we have had at least 20 million figths but we stuck it out and i can say that ive never been more in love than today ... look the best you can do is KEEP TALKING even if she blows you off or gives you answers that are not relevent to your questions keep trying ask the same question more than 20 times in 30 diferent ways if you have to but keep asking and keep talking and youll eventually get to the bottom of the real question : does she love you enough to be with you and only you , good luck