Not trying to get mushy here...in fact I'm serious, took me 19 years (24 now) to finally have a relationship with my old man and as wonderful as it's been...why did it take so long? But still so many things I should say...and vice versa. Your thoughts on the matter?
2006-08-28 19:49:25 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
The secret about dads is that they are just men - men who were raised by other "interesting" people with their own quirks and hangups. It takes people time to grow to a place in life where they can start to unload some of their baggage and begin to connect with the people around them they truly love.
One of the things that helped me the most in building a relationship with my dad was realizing we are both adults now. We have a common background but the father/child relationship is over and we can interact, more I guess, as friends, than from a hierarchical mindset.
Age does help, for both parties, and yes the times are changing - thank goodness - and men can express affection for each other without raising eyebrows.
If you have trouble talking openly about your feelings or you think it might make him uncomfortable, consider writing a letter. Let him know your feelings, maybe tell him some of the good memories you have growing up with him (if there are some) and some of your favorite memories from the recent past.
It is so cool you asked this question. I know you and your dad will continue to grow closer. I love my dad so much more now than I did even ten years ago. He is not perfect but I respect him so much for growing into the man he is today, compared to who he was years ago. Watching him grow as a person inspires me to keep working on myself and to be open to experiences that stretch my mind and beliefs.
You never know how long you have with another person, so I hope you will make your feelings known as soon as you think it is feasible to do so.
Good Luck! Hope you both enjoy many years getting to know each other.
2006-08-28 20:21:42 · answer #1 · answered by R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is just my opinion coming from a now single mother who has 2 daughters & 1 son. Its very hard for my son and his father to get close because for some reason men have this thinking that if you show to much emotion than you must be some kind of baby or sissy lala, when in reality men have emotions just like females. So when 2 men are around each other (father&son) the father is thinking what a baby he must be(just man up) and deal with it, and a son is thinking what is my father going to think if I get a little "mushy" i cant show him im weak in anyway. But who cares if you have to get "mushy" with or around your father so be it...hes only gonna be here once enjoy it while you can and to its fullest....My favorite saying is.......Life, love & laugh like today will be your last.
2006-08-29 04:52:15 · answer #2 · answered by ts4lfe 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am so proud of you that you gave your dad a break and now it is a make up time for both.Do not look back and see only painful history of your relationship with him.Life goes on and look ahead.I urge you take him out to the ball game and spend your quality time with each other.You do not need to be so mushy or macho and forget to say thing to each other. A simple sentence such as I am glad you are spending time with me. or I appreciate what you are doing for me.In addition you should pad his shoulder and say Dad I love you and this is the best moment that I never forget and thank you for being with me.He will be touch with your kind words.Remember do not look back and forgive.Everything will go well I guarantee you.
2006-08-29 03:05:58 · answer #3 · answered by ryladie99 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
my partner and I have been together for two years.... he is 57...
it took till a year ago for him to tell his son (now 27) that he loves him and is proud of him.....
my partners father is 82 and it took till this year for him to tell my partner that he loves him and is proud of him....
I tell ya it was like extracting teeth to get thses three generations to open up to one another....
but since it took 57 years for the grandad to tell the dad he loves him.... but only 26 years for the dad to tell the son.... well there has been some progress hey!! things are moving a little faster...
I just hope my partners son can get to tell his son (..though as yet no plans for kids..) how he feels a whole lot sooner than 27..
but don't feel bad if the language of emotions doesnt come easily... it doesnt.. not for anyone... just some people, and in particular females get lessons early in life... and others later...
It seems it is not politically correct these days to not be fluent in the language of emotions... and this really an leave some people, particularly men feeling like they are somehow lacking of themselves.... but honestly it is not that anything is lacking in you as a person... it is because you simply have not been taught the skills and given the required information to speak fluently in the language of emotions...
Also men are socialised into not showing their feelings in many cultures and subcultures around the world... sad but true..
Just trust that over time you will be able to say the things tht need saying.... you can and will get there...
2006-08-29 14:01:24 · answer #4 · answered by wollemi_pine_writer 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Many men were taught that showing feelings is womanly. That's too bad.
I was raised the same way, but I find that my dad responds if I'm honest about my feelings. I've even cried in front of him as an adult, even though he used to spank me for that when I was little.
I think men get softer with age and with the changing of the times. (Showing feelings is more acceptable in society than it used to be.)
Just don't make the same mistake with your own kids.
2006-08-29 02:53:59 · answer #5 · answered by Baxter 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋