Does obligation ruin love? (For mature people only.)?

Question

I’ve been seeing this girl on and off for two years now. I’ve been the one to chase her except when she doesn't want to be with me I say “ok” we break up nicely, and she ends up calling me a couple of days later every time. About six months ago she says she has a life altering epiphany and she loves me but I had already given up on her and started dating other girls but decided to give her another shot anyway. We’ve been back together, six months no problem no break up this time, she is pregnant three months and now and I feel I am obligated to stay with her. I do love her but I don't want to doubt myself later. I’m 25 and ready to be serious. What do you think?

Answer 1

So she's pregnant with your child? Love. That word drives me insane! You're obligated to making yourself happy, regardless of who you love and who you might hurt by not feeling in love. In love, we can't satisfy everyone. Sometimes we love and let go, move on or not. The worst thing you can do is stay in this situation because of the baby. It wouldn't be a healthy situation and she might end up resenting you or vise versa. It sounds like she's strung you along long enough and burnt out that desire you once had for her. It doesn't go to say that you can't feel love for her, you can still love her and be apart. Now that a baby is involved I can totally understand your worries, but dear...if your in doubt...take some time for yourself to figure out what's right for you.

When you're obligated to the one you love it's supposed to be by choice not because of guilt...being obligated to your partner doesn't ruin love it strengthens it, but feeling like you need to be obligated can definitely create pressure that might bring on a lot of stress. So.....my advice....don't obligate your life, time, or heart to someone you're not sure you want in that way. You'll be cheating yourself and your partner.

Answer 2

If you feel "obligated" to stay with this person then it probably isn't love in the first place. It sounds to me that you love the thrill of the chase, but now that you have finally caught what you were looking for and are facing a serious commitment you are having second thoughts about the relationship. You will definitely doubt yourself later since you are already doubting the relationship now. Starting a family with the woman you supposedly love should not be an obligation unless you are afraid of commitment.

Answer 3

You are not obligated to stay with her, but you are obligated to be an active participant in your child's life. Staying together only for the sake of the child will actually only do more harm than good, because you aren't together for ALL the right reasons. There has to be something more than just a child to keep you together- if not, you will both be miserable, and not only will the child pick up on this negative energy in the household, but they will also get the wrong idea about how loving relationships actually work. if things are going good so far, give it more time, and evaluate things as they go on. If you can't rid yourself of the nagging thought that this relationship is not what you want, then go with your gut, and do what makes you happy- but don't neglect your child. Be careful about how you end things, because no matter what, you are still tied to this woman because of your child- and how you treat her is very important, because this is how your child will treat their mates in the future. Always maintain a friendly relationship, and don't let the past interfere with the future and your ability to parent the child, whether you are together or not. Good luck!

Answer 4

No obligation doesnt ruin love.It may well strengthen it.You say you love her.What do you think married men who,s wives are pregnant feel?certainly obligation and responsiblity but you made this choice when you had sex with a woman you loved without protection,nothing a hundred percent anyway. If you did use it the fact is you did it.Just hang on ok there are going to be fights ,stress, and hardtimes but the family you will have if you dedicate yourself to this will probly be worth it 20 years from now.You could be one very lucky young man look around how many people would be so happy to have someone they love and a child.Oh yeah when she has that baby you buy her flowers and if she miscarries you buy her flowers if all you can afford is one rose or a small bouquet from walmart buy it.It will mean so much to her.Beleive me

Answer 5

I think that you're lucky to have someone to love and that you're going to be a father soon. Love isn't all about zippy feelings in your heart, its also about respect, affection, being faithful and being in a balanced, healthy relationship. If you feel obliged to stay with her, you should because she is carrying your baby. The relationship that you have with her has caused the formation of another new human being and she is the mother of your child while you are going to be a father. Commitment and obligation doesn't ruin love, they're just extensions of love itself...it comes with the territory. I suggest that you get married to the one you love and who loves you back and raise a happy family together. All the best.

Answer 6

Marriage ia sserious commitment which two people need to take. As much as you are obligated to look after your partner and unborn child, getting married for the wrong reasons is the fastest way to a divorce court. Be prepared to take responsibility for your actions but for the long term make sure you truly love this woman

Answer 7

First. If you feel obligation because of her being pregnant with your child, of course that is only natural and the true "adult" thing to do.

But in my opinion, she does seem kind of immature and the epiphany seems like a way of her trying to hold on to you.

If she truly loved you, she would not of broken things off and then decided when she was afraid of losing you to another girl, that is when the "epiphany" came.

But.. do you really love her, and if you think you need to be her boyfriend, just because she is carrying your child. Be there for the child of course, but if you truly think she is the one, then go on and take it to the next step, but make sure you do that for the right reasons.

Also, I just hope for your sake, the pregnancy was not to trap you.

Answer 8

IF you still want to be with her then the Obligation should be no problem...
The big question is Do you Love her? Do you want to have a family with her. and Obligation can ruin love if you focus on it to much.. if you free Obligated to someone if makes you start to feel traped and like you don't have free will to choose what you want in your life.

the best way to view this is to say to your self that you choose to be with her. and you have to make chocie here.

Answer 9

Love knows no obligations or favors. If you love this girl there are no questions of going back on your decision. Her pregnancy is out of choice of both of you so there is no compulsion, but the outcome of love is always great. Stick on and you will find satisfaction and bliss because after all in today's materialistic world it is only love between people that holds hope for the future.

Answer 10

well, having a baby before knowing you're ready was a mistake, that's for sure. it really boils down to how you feel about the issue. the girl is not the issue, it's the child. there's a lot of single parents out there. but what are you going to do about the baby? if deep down you don't feel like you love her, then it's better to act now then later. but you need to accept responsibility for the child as well. joint-custody i guess.

sorry man, nobody's advice here is going to be the right answer for ya. it's a tough one and it's one you face alone. i could go on and on about things you coulda/shoulda but the reality is the present.