Help with tantrums?

Question

My son is 22 months old and has been throwing bad tantrums for about 2 months now. It used to be that when we told him no, to not touch the fan he would get upset, not touch the fan and just back-up away from it. We just moved Aug 1st. Now even though the fan is still sitting on his toy box just as it always was at our old place he goes to it just like a magnet, pushing all the buttons and sticking his fingers in the cage of the fan. The fan is not the only problem, he flips out for seemingly no reason or simply because he doesn't get his own way. We live in a townhouse now and the parking lot for our row is very close to our place, we tried taking him for a walk on a safety harness tonight before his bath and he kept trying to step off the sidewalk into the parking lot. I don't want him thinking that it is okay to play wherever least of all a parking lot. I tried last night to control a tantrum and it just got worse, I got slapped in the face and he screamed and thrashed harder.

You gotta remember, he isn't even 2 yet so I don't really see how I can send him to his room to cool down because he doesn't understand yet. I refuse to spank, everytime I have seen it used it has opposite effects in the long term. I will however give him a smack on the back of his hand. I realize that he is heading into the "terrible two's" I just don't want him to be flipping out so easily at things like playing with the fan and thinking that he can walk out into the parking lot or the survey driveway going past our place. If he is on the sidewalk infront of our place he heads right for the driveway. There is a taxi that flies past day and night through here and a few cars with ignorant young and not so young people in them going to fast through here as well. I don't want him getting hurt or worse by stepping out in the driveway or parking lot especially if he isn't holding someone's hand.

Quick message for Flea, we have tried that and while it makes for a funny noisy time, he has calmed down but he treats it like a big game. It does work for inside the house, but for outside I don't really want to sit there yelling along with him no matter how funny he thinks it is. Thanks for the suggestion though.

I must have neglected to say this before. We refuse to spank our children for any reason. Neither my hubby or I got spanked, we got priveledges taken away and we both turned out just fine.

Answer 1

Be calm and confident. His anger is bound to cool down eventually. Just speak to him calmly and see what happens.

Answer 2

Well you have an early achiever...you've arrived at the "terrible twos" early...LOL! Here is what my doctor recommend with my kids. Get a pack -n- play if you don't already have one. Put it in a room or hallway (somewhere away from the areas that you play or live in). Make sure it is in a place that he will be alone when in it. Also, make sure that it is not in a place where he can grab items off a shelf. When he begins to throw a tantrum, tell him calmly that if he does not stop that you will put in the pack -n- play until he is done. Then put him in there and walk away. Keep him there until he is done. The first time you do this, it could take a while. With my daughter, she stayed there almost an hour. After a week or so he should get the message as at this age they do not like to be left alone. This technique also gets you ready and set up for the time out when you think he is old enough for it.

As far as being in public, when he starts his tantrum leave where you are and go the car and head home. Now I know this is not always possible. When I can't leave, I just let them throw their tantrums and ignore anyone who looks at you. Go about your business and he'll get up and follow you. You can also try bringing a stroller and put him it in when he starts.

Good luck and hang in there!

Answer 3

First of all, don't worry! It's not that your child is evil or anything. It's just that he has used this tactic and gotten you upset (probably enough to get his way) in the past, so he's going to continue to use it when he wants his way in the future...unless you teach him ('cause he's not born knowing it) that this kind of behavior does not get him what he wants. As far as the fan goes, you may have to just move it. I don't know a 22 month old who isn't attracted to something that moves, has buttons, and blows his hair! As far as the street goes, he likely doesn't understand yet that it's a dangerous place. You just moved! Keep reminding him every time that it is dangerous. It WILL be tough being so repetitive, but he will eventually get it. When he does, reward him with a big "Great job! You are being safe! You didn't go in the street at all today. Mommy is so proud of you!" Then expect him to push the limits again. In all things, recognize that he has learned this behavior over time and that it will take time for him to unlearn it. Remain calm and in control, and always always follow through on what you tell him to do.

Answer 4

Wow, who's controlling the house here, the parents or the 22 month old? Honey, you need to regain control, and be a little smarter about it. First of all, lose the fan. It's on his toy box and associated with toys...it's only naturual for him to want to play with it. Then add on the fact that you only tell him no, when he touches it. He needs to know why in simple words he can understand...like "hot" or "ouch".

Your second issue, is the leash or "safety harness" as you like to call it. He's not a dog, and can't be trained to stay on the sidewalk like one. Kids play in grass and that is normal, where else are they suppose to play. It's your job to keep tabs on them and when they go near a street, curb or parking lot, teach him he has to hold a hand first. Say, wait for mommy, or no...cars. Something simple that he can understand.

He's a young one yet and you are expecting him to know more than he should. He learns through experience and through touch, if you hinder that, you'll have worse problems of defiance and more tantrums. Let him explore but do it safely.

Answer 5

Children this age are just figuring out that they have some control of themselves and can have some control over the situation by exercising the technique of a tantrum. Another reason for tantrums, though, is that a child this age (the routine-loving age) cannot deal with sudden changes in activites or sudden thwartings of what they thought they were going to do (like play with that fan).

One thing you can do to reduce some of the tantrums while he's this old is to talk to him about what you're going to do, where you'll be going with him, where he can play, why he can't play with something dangerous like the fan. You may think all the talking ahead of time won't be listened to by a child this young, but they pick up more than you'd think they will.

Try saying, "We're going for a walk now, but I have to make sure you're safe; so we need to stay close and on the sidewalk." Then if you pull out the harness he won't be so shocked. You may want to consider, though, since he's so little either bringing a stroller or else holding his hand and then if he gets tired picking him up and carrying him. The stroller gets him outside without giving him the run of the parking lot, and it may be a nice ride for him. Holding his hand on the walk and picking him up if he gets tired may just be a nicer experience for him than being harnessed.

The tantrums will pass if you handle them calmly and don't let them have any power of you by giving in to what he wants. If he slaps you you just hold his hand firmly and look at him and say, "You do not do that!" (with authority and firmness).

At his age he's so curious that leaving that fan alone is too much for him to be expected to do. At his age, he's just tasting his independence and being harnessed could be about the most temper-producing thing you could do right now.

Sometimes you could even kind of make a joke out of something like the fan situation. You say in a dramatic and very friendly tone, "Oh my goodness. We can't have the nice, cool air if a certain little person is going to go near that!!" Use a voice that's more like, say, kindergarten teachers or Mr Rogers would use. Sometimes kids accept that friendly kind of exclaimation of what they can't do (and may even kind of enjoy your feigned drama).

Answer 6

He's at that stage where he's starting to realize that he isn't going to get his way on certain things. Just be confident, be firm, and maybe a very short explaination of why he can't do something before you say "no" may curtail the tantrums a bit. " Example- he steps into the parking lot. You say " That's dangerous, Johnny. No." Once a full blown tantrum starts, all you can do is make sure he won't injure himself, and I'm sure he will tire out.
Side note : a friend of mine tried the "screech along" from time to time with her son ( she started wailing the exact minute he started) - it suprised him so much he forgot what he was upset about and started laughing. :)

Answer 7

he is just a little guy who wants to explore,and they will.when he had a tantrum you might want to try to hold him away from you and turn him around and hold his arms, i know it sounds cruel but a doctor told me to do this,after getting slapped in the face a few times,u will do it trust me,I don't condone spanking much either, it doesn't really do any good except making the kids madder or be scared of you. so i think if you would just distract him from the fan and anything else thats basically all you can do, or remove the fan from him. as far as the parking lot they will run,just hold tight. they grow up so fast enjoy him while hes little. take care.oh and by the way the 1,2,3 magic doesn't work for everyone,trust me.i just took things away from the kids.etc.

Answer 8

Welcome my friend to the wonderful world of terrible two's. It's hell for a parent I know. There are some things to consider. 1) try putting the fan up in the hall with extention cords and putting a baby gate up in his room so he can still get the air but not the possible trouble. 2) if you are in a store and he gives a temper tantrum for a toy. just leave the store and come back when they are calmer but please please please do NOT give them what they are crying for. This teaches them that "If I throw a temper tantrum I get whatever I want". If you are home give him a cool down zone (a place where hes not likely to get hurt-like the couch) then ignore him and go about your bussiness) 3) Laughing works too. It totatly confuses my daughter who will be 2 on sept 27. I also get down and throw a temper tantrum with her lol she just stops alltogether but I only do this at home. 4) As for hitting now is a great time to teach him no hitting especailly not mommy. Please do not spank him for hitting or hit back. It seems totally pointless to me. (example- kid hits parent parent hits kid and the words "No hitting. it's not nice" comes out of their mouth. The actions are contradicting the words. ) And from both sides of a fence...I work in retail and when kids throw temper tantrums I don't really mind. Kids will all kids do (You think terrible 2's are bad try the "terrifying 3's and fearsome fours") But it really makes me upset to see these mom's buying the candy/toy that the kids are.

Answer 9

First realize that moving is incredibly hard on children, especially at that age. Discipline really differs by your beliefs, but you can try rewards. When he walks nicely around the parking lot, he gets something extra he wants. He may also be screaming for attention, especially if you have been busy with the move. Try to give him some extra time, read him a book, do activities with him, etc. I hope this helps!

Answer 10

its very easy put that fan outta his toy box and when he throw a tantrum do not ignore it just give him a big hug or kiss you know if he will see that his mom is loving him he will realise that what hes doing is bad and what you are doing is good tell him that you are loving and he is yelling him which is not fair never ever get corporal with him or his tantrum is gonna get worse.just keep urself cool and stay with him as long as he throw a tantrum or he will hurt himself and when he get tierd give him a explanation telling him that he cant play with that fan..as far as running in a parking lot is concerned just tell him that he not gonna hurt real bad and if he still dont obey you scare him that there will be a monster which will come inside his room tonight if he run in the parking lot again..as far as toddler hitting you is concerned whenever he throw a tantrum grab him in a position where he cannot hit you or slap you keep kiss him love him untill he chill out and telll him that you wont let yourself hit you by him..

Answer 11

I realize it's much easier said than done, but you have to absulutely put your foot down. See, if you let him "tire himself out" you are sending him the message that it's okay to go nuts. Whenever he throws a tantrum, grab him look him in the eye and tell him that it is not okay to scream and yell. Do not let him even answer you. Cut him off and keep doing it until he stays quiet. This way he will know that tantrums are not okay with you. It will take several times for this to actually start working, but trust me it is worth it in the long run.