worried my only niece is being abuse by her man and she refuse to tell the police..?

Question

I spoke about my niece in the past..when she had gotten stabbed and she refuse to tell the police..and she denies it all the time..now..her hand has been so bably cut she needed 30 stiches..across her fingers..She keep's changing the story ..about what happened..but i know he did it...I've talked to hospital staff about her abusive boyfriend, i've spoken to social workers and even to an acs worker...they say .i have no proof he did it.and she refuse to tell on him....i know he is very abusive towards her..she has had black eyes ..knife wounds...and now this ..30 stiches she can lie to other..but not to me...i know ..how it is to be abused and brain washed...it's part of the cycle what can i do?..i spoke to her...she refuse to say it was him that did it...it's a coincidence..when she goes to the hospital for each incident he is always there other times he is not there...i have no proof that he did it...she always defend him...i don't want my niece to be in the news paper...please help.

Answer 1

I can understand your concern but unfortunetly you can't force her to leave this man. Continue to be there for her and tell her that she deserves so much better. Don't nag at her to much though or you will end up driving her away, even though you are only trying to help.

Answer 2

A woman in a domestic violence situation, does not stay out of love, but out of fear. They have no self esteem and the majority of these women feel they deserve everything they get. Do you have any domestic violence associations in your area? Contact a counsellor and get some understanding of what it is like for a victim in a domestic violence situation. Maybe when you understand what it is like for her and the reasons why she doesnt put him into the police, you will be better able to support her.

As for the doctors and nurses, they dont have to have proof that a woman is being physically abused, they just have to think she is for them to contact the local authorities...Everyone who works in the health/welfare industry has a professional obligation to report suspected abuse cases....Note I say suspected, so this thing about it having to be proved is nonsense. And if your niece has gone to hospital several times with black eyes and stab wounds, then the hospital staff are being very remiss in their legal obligations.

Its a very hard situation for you to be in. You are damned if you do and you are damned if you dont. There is not much you can do whilever she is defending him....all you can do is to be there and support her. Sometimes when a woman is in an abusive relationship, they will shut down all communication because people are telling her all the time that she has to leave him, that it is wrong, etc, etc. It gets to a point where, when she does need to leave then she will feel she has no-where to go. The only people who can forceably do something is the hosptial staff who have seen her injuries.

Domestic Violence counsellors are the best people to help you with this problem...they have ways and means you and I may never have thought about to get this woman out of this dangerous situation. At the very least, they will be able to advice you on the best course of action.

Answer 3

Unfortunately, since she is an adult, you can do nothing when she refuses to help herself. How sad that she has no self-respest or even self-preservation. There is a good probablility this man will someday kill her given what you've said about his history with her.

Does any family memeber or friend have any in with her? Can you all set up an intervention. That is when loved ones get together, invite just her over, and tell her she is being abused. Go over all the things you just said she's been through. Have a counselor there too to help. It is the last resort. Too bad she doesn't have some big brothers that could have a "talk" with this guy and give him a taste of his own medicine in a back alley somewhere.

I will pray for her.

Answer 4

She has to want to help herself. There's really not a lot you can do, However the medical staff at that hospital is forming quite the file on every incident, questionable or not...if her stories keep changing as you say, you're not going to be the only one to notice it. Keep in mind that it takes two opposing forces to form a conflict and that there are two sides to every story...we tend to believe our loved ones when they relay negative stories about other people in their lives, but take the time to look into this boyfriend and find out what all he's about...don't just go on hearsay if you're really concerned about her safety, do some private investigating and come up with some solid evidence.

Answer 5

I was with a man that did abuse me as well. She will deny it, and change stories, cause it doesn't hurt enough yet. Does that make se nse? I mea n like when she is fed up and hurt enough on the inside, then she will leave and never look back. Until then she will keep forgiving him cause he says he sorry and will never do it again. It may take a while, it took me 4 yrs, and a daughter to say she does NOT need this and neither do I. I left a nd have never seen him again 5 years later. Give her time and supporty . Tell her when she is ready You will be there.

Answer 6

I can tell you that she has to get tired of this before anything will be done.When you are in an abusive relationship, #1, you are ashamed to tell anyone about it,#2 the abuser ,usually has made you feel that you have no way out, that its all your fault, and if only you would change then he wouldn't do it.My abusers always convinced me that they wanted me to quit my job, and that I made me think that they were doing this out of the kindness of their heart,if they allowed me to work, they would want my money saying that they were taking care of the bills, while all along he was taking away my resources to leave. He cut me off from my friends and family, taking away my life until the only thing I had was him and then the abuse began. I thought I had no way out, too.Finally I had had enough and went to a shelter for battered women. That was the first step in the right direction. They had classes to help me start to repair the damage and the brainwashing I had been through.Tell her to ask herself why he hits her and if she says its because of something that she has done then she really needs to get out before he accidentally kills her. Ask her if love is worth dying for?

Answer 7

All you can do is be supportive, stay close, keep in touch often. Make sure to give her the number to a women's shelter that is in her area, and assure her that her confidentiality is protected and no one will know or find out about her calling. At least then, you would know you gave her a very important piece of information she could use, in an emergency. Tell her to hide it, just in case she needs it in a hurry. Let her know you are there for her anytime of the day or night and not to hesitate calling. Make her family aware of the situation, so they can also watch out for her. Good luck!

Answer 8

I'm so sorry about your niece. Unfortunately, she is not seeing things with a clear mind as you are. Please stay close to your niece and if she makes up her mind to leave, she will come to you. At that point, you can help her out. I don't know how dangerous this guy is, but please be very careful. If she will not press charges, there is not much that you can do. It is really sick when people do this to each other. I know because when i was young and stupid i was in an abusive relationship, too. I had to move away and build up my self esteem before I could see how stupid i had been.

Just let her know how much you love her.

Answer 9

if you live in new york city (you mentioned acs, which is a new york agency), you can get in touch with several community based agencies. You need to remember, your niece may not be simply defending this piece of excrement because she loves him, she might be doing it because she's afraid of him. The most dangerous part for the victim of Domestic Violence is when she is ready to leave--tell her to make a plan and tell nobody of this plan unless she totally trusts this person. Yahoo me via email and I'll explain options,

Answer 10

YOU need to get a private EYE and have him watched or if your niece has a father, He needs to go to his house and drag him out, work him over, Do such a good job on him that he will need a hospital. If she was my daughter, I would go get her and take her to the police station myself and make her tell the truth. He most likely has threaten your NIECE and that is why she want tell the truth. What you need to do is get all the family envolved ,and get her out of his house before its to late.

Answer 11

Well, she is with him and he is abusing her and she isn't going to share that knowledge with anyone. Let's think about this... she being abused by the man that is supposedly meant to love her the most. He more than likely tells her that he is going to kill her or worse if she leaves him or even tells someone about what he is doing. I was told in my Crisis Intervention class that 90% of abused women who try to leave are killed by their abuser. Scary! Just try to maintain contact with her and be supportive of her in her time of need. She is will come to you when she is ready to leave and needs some help. Hopefully she will come to her senses.