I don't really know if I'm suicidal.Sometimes I have thoughts of death other times I jus feel ok n i can live.

Question

I am female 21years old.sometimes i feel empty and down and i have thoughts of killing myself.I'm not happy with who i am some of the time.

Ages 14-17 i had an eating disoder..i was really chubby.i wasnt really anorexic.i just ate minimally and some days i would not eat. my weight range was116-125lbs.

At 18 i started cutting because i hated myself so much and i acted like someone i wasnt at all during high school and i was sick of it and stoped right after i turned 19.

at 19 i gained weight and weighed 135lbs....i kicked out of the phased and moved on and was happy.....for about a year...until after i turned 20.

Last year i had a set of friends ive know forever who ditched me. My boyfriend of 5 months dumped me. I failed a school placement and my cousin died on christmas.
Today, impart time at college. I can concetrate on part time classes and im happy but not heatlh covered. My mom says i need to be full time inorder to have health benefits because im 21. Now i am stuk

Well the thing is i dun work and i'm in the process of job searching. I have a $735 Cdn dental fee to pay off. My mom can pay for it but she's not planning to pay for any of those things anymore for future reference coz its just too much money. If I'm a full time college student then i can be covered. The problem is , i was miserable when i was a full time student at college. So now this is Why I'm stuck....and one of the reasons why i feel suicidal.

I don't have much of a support system. My parents r divorced. Dad hates me and doesn't talk to me. Mom just wants me to be a high achiever and pushes me acemeically to do better even thought i try hard enuff. friends I have now just don't seem supportive. I have seen a psychologist last year and he didn't help. I refuse to be on meds. I currently see a counselor now who knows most about this problem. She doesn't know that I'm sucidal, and if she does, she has to report it and i might end up back to a doctor again or a psych ward and i don't want that

Answer 1

Hi Angel,

I'm a 40 year old woman who has been wrestling with major depression my whole life. I have had many thoughts of suicide, I made an attempt at 15 and have had several near-misses since then, the most recent being about 2 months ago. I have been exactly where you are, and then some, and believe me when I tell you, DO NOT EVER, FOR ANY REASON, ATTEMPT SUICIDE!!!!!!! O.K., now listen to me baby, please. You are having suicidal thoughts, yes. But that does not mean that you are out of control, or destined to kill yourself. You are not a freak, and your life is not hopeless, and you are not alone, O.K.? Now this is important, YOU NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT THIS, and not just anybody, you need to find someone with a PhD after their name, these people are called psychotherapists. I would strongly recommend that you choose someone who is "free-standing" which means they are in their own practice and not hooked up with any large healthcare conglomerates or research hospitals or universities. Please contact me if you want to know the story behind my opinion on that one. Another thing, if you go to a therapist who you don't like, find another one, and if that one doesn't work out, keep looking until you find the right fit. But don't ever give up, and do not let the health insurance issue stand in your way, this is the rest of your life we're talking about here. Believe me, this is not just going to go away when you find the right boyfriend or wear the right size jeans. If you want to have a happy life, or any kind of life, PLEASE take my advice. There are all kinds of reasons why you deserve to live, and you deserve to be happy. I know what it feels like to hate myself and to want to die. It sucks worse than any feeling I can think of, and you know what? I don't think either one of us deserves to have that kind of pain in our lives. I have lived almost twice as long as you, my little sister, so I know a thing or two about this stuff. Doctors may treat you like crap when they don't know what to do with you, which is so wrong and unfair. Friends and family might pass judgement on you when they have no idea what they are talking about, which is so hurtfull. But you have to keep fighting. Hard as it is, you have to learn to ignore all that, and forgive them for their ignorance. You have to learn to be kind to yourself, give yourself a break! If your mom is giving you a hard time, it might be she just doesn't understand how serious this thing is getting with you. Talk to her, let her know how serious it is. If part time classes are the limit for you right now, that's O.K., in fact it's more than O.K. for someone in your situation. Pushing yourself too hard, setting yourself up for failure, that's not so good! Sweet girl, please, listen to me. I would be more than happy to stay in contact with you and help in any way I can, but I am not a doctor of psychology, so PLEASE, PLEASE girl, hook yourself up, O.K.? One more thing before I sign off, I hope you will get in touch with me just so I know you're still out there. I'm a worrier, so, that would be really cool, if you could just check in, from time to time. I have faith in you, honey. You can do this, and don't forget that you are not alone, O.K.? It's a good thing you did today, you reached out, and that's scary and hard to do. I'm sorry this post is so long, but you are like me 20 years ago, and they've made quite a lot of headway in this particular science since then. I really want you to have a happy life, so remember, I'm out here and I care about what happens to you. I believe in you so don't let me down! I'll be keeping good thoughts for you. I have all the faith in the world that you can and will learn to be well. Love to you, my friend. Love and Peace.

Hey, I just read your last edit, I was of the same mind about medications when I was in my early twenties, until I passed out at work due to not eating for three weeks and my boss had to take me to the hospital!! The anti-depressants saved my life. Unfortunately, we can't always have everything the way we want, just like a diabetic can't just say, "Oh I refuse to take my insulin" and expect to live very long. You probably will need medication at some point, so deal with it. Also, what do you mean you have a counselor who doesn't know you're suicidal? You be honest and in full disclosure with your doctors, or they won't do you any good, you hear? You're 21, nobody can force you into a psych ward, at least that's my understanding. Girl, you have a long row to hoe, don't put it off any longer. Love yourself enough to do the unpleasant things that will save your life. IT WILL BE WORTH IT!!!

Answer 2

One beer each will probably be fine. Just plan to do it on a night where you won't be going out, and will not be getting up early (like a Friday night). Beer can be very bitter to those that don't frequently drink it (I only have like 2 a year, maximum) So for you I would recommend a nice Heffeweisen. They are usually lighter, sweeter, and more mild. They also can have a fruity flavor. For me, the only side-effects I get when drinking a beer are a slight tiredness and rosy, hot cheeks and face. It goes away in about 3-4 hours. Good luck, be safe about it, don't overdo it!

Answer 3

I don't know last time I involuntarly stayed at the pysch ward, it really woke me up to what I could end up like or what I could do to change the behavior that landed me there to begin with. I decided to buckle & try what the doc's wanted. I mean really what harm could it do, I wasn't going to get any worse, at least not worse and be living.

So what they had in mind worked and now I have a good life, I still have my ups and downs, but I work through them better now.

Good Luck

Answer 4

I think you need professional help. You should be able to get free help from your university's Student Health Center. ( I did that when i was sucidial) Also check your local phone book in the Human Services guide.

I also did a search for suicide help and there is help out there, you only have to find it. Here's one site: http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/

Just DON"T GIVE UP YET! At 21, you're still so young and things will change, believe me!

Answer 5

those are just things that are bad that happened that doesn't determine who u are as a person. So what's wrong being a little over weight? More people are over weight now then ever it's a fashion statement.

What's killing your self really going to resolve take responsibilitie for your life...even if it sux.

If it sux now that means it wont suk later...

I have no friends either my b.f. doesn't care and i think he dumped me and didn't give me the respect of telling me.

Well good luck in life things happen don't worry it gets better my life is just as bad if not worse...

Smile now cry later.

Answer 6

Why would you even care about health benefits when you're conteplating zero health? Maybe it's like the Ugly Duckling? Think Swan!!!! Sorry about your cousin, death sucks. Get my point? Or, not to put too fine a point on it, here's a quotation from somebody or other: "The dead know only one thing -- it is better to be alive." Here's a big hug ( :-) ) for you.

Answer 7

I think you really need to talk to your doctor. He/she can refer you to a mental health specialist, and they can get you therapy, medication, or anything else you might need. It sounds like you've had a tough time these past few years, and talking to a health care professional would really help. Good luck.

ETA: As a person who has suffered from depression, I want to ask you to not discount medication. It saved my life, and it can save yours too. Your doctor will help you find the correct medication/dosage so that you don't feel drugged or unnatural, and hopefully you won't need it too long. Please think about it.

Answer 8

My dear, let me say you are not the first to feel this way. We are all underpressure in our daily life and we all have hard decisions to make in our lives. Well you don't have an over weight problem unless you are only 5'1". Your weight contributes to your feeling down and adds to you seeing yourself as you do.

You have made a decision to leave school as I understand it, and get a job to help you pay your bills. That is good thing and shows that you have taken the some responsilbities in your life seriously. For the time being.

Your other choice is the go back to school full time, get a degree and while you are in College you can be covered on your families health insurance.

Well you are still young and can go back to school if this road is does not work out for you.

Now for the thoughts of killing yourself, and what would that accomplish? Well lets see, for you it would only open a new set of problems, if there is an after life. As you know suicide is the easy way out for humans but is a terrible sin, for thoses who believe in the hereafter. For your family, it would then present them with a whole life time of guilt, wonder, dispear, and sorro as they do love you and want to help you. If you killed yourself think how that would hurt your loved ones. It diffineately would not bother your friends , as they seem not to care. If I were you I would work hard to succeed at something just to prove to them, they were just nincompoops, and very mean individuals for ditching you like they did. Sometimes revenge is sooooo sweet.

You sound like you are better than to try to kill yourself. What you really need is someone to talk to about your troubles, maybe a professional, and because psycologists are expensive, maybe a pastor of preist as most of them have degrees in physcology. You do need help understanding who you are. You can find it. If you get a job, that has health benifits you can then seek help while you are working there.

Talk seriously to your mom and tell her how you feeling. In the mean time, take pride you are still hammering away at daily life. Be strong and hang in there. Bills will take care of themselves over time as long as you are trying to pay them. If you don't have the money then you can not do anything about it. then don't worry about them. Once you get a job then work out a payment program with the medical office. All things can be worked out over time. It is normal to feel like you do, but I can honestly tell you, that things have a way to work out as long as you just relax and take one step at a time in your daily life. I am not saying ignore your problems, just don't allow them to get you so down. Terrible things happen to all of us and most of the time it seems like it is all at once. Look into the mirror each day and tell yourself you are the best thing to happen to you. You can handle all that comes your way. You are strong and you just need help. That is why I feel you are going to make it over this hump you are in. Good Luck God Bless

Answer 9

you can try amd go to the state to get a medical card because you are in school they should give one to you i hope you find medical inchurance you do need it now days it kills you when you have nothin but you might have to go to dr to get them to say you have a disablity till you get some becuase you should go get help
in 1999 i was working i tried but because i didnt have school or pregnet they told me i could not get any or if i was disable i almost died 2 weeks after i tried to get help i was in the hospital almost died so dont wait to long when you need help but then they did mail a form to the hpital they consdier me temp. disable i needed medication with out it i would die i have chrohns diesease and ibs

good luck your friend bambi

what state are you in i can try and find some opions out for u

Answer 10

you need to go see a dr. and worry about you first.You can always make payments.Your health is far more important than money.get healthy first then worry about the other stuff.To your mom. my daughter is 20 just this month,if she came to me and told me what you told your mom,I would have her right into the Dr.myself.I would not hesitate. good luck.