What do I do?

Question

My dad has to go overseas in October and half of November (he works for an oil company). He said it's too long for me to go with him and I would be not be happy because of the country he is going to teenage girls are not treated well. He wants to pick a friend to stay with for a month and ask their parents permission.

I am so frightened. I don't have a mom anymore. He is all I have. We live in Texas now and all of three of my best friends parents are fundamentalists and Baptists and very very strict. My friend Tamara's mom is super strict and scares me! I don't think they like me, they tell me things like "if I were their daughter I'd really get it" and that I am rude and backtalk and dress inappropriately like tight jeans or whatever. What should I do? would have any of them have the right to actually smack or spank me? my dad does not believe in that but he's like if we had to agree with it and as long as it wasn't abusive it would not be a huge deal but I think it is.

I am 15. Sorry I did not include that before.

Well I don't there are other relatives. My grandparents are not an option and are not in good health. My aunts and uncles all live so far away it would mess up the school year if I had to leave for a month.

Answer 1

It would be a huge deal if you were hit. I think you need to sit down with dad and tell him that he is not listening to your concerns. You can quote me on this. He needs to make you his number one priority. If he HAS to go, he either takes you or he finds a suitable living situation. Surely you must know someone, relative, neighbor, friend that is not abusive. If not, dad may have to hire a nanny at his own expense. Children come first. Don't be afraid, and please let me know how this goes for you. You aren't alone in your situation. Good luck honey.

Answer 2

How old are you? Maybe you need to have a heart to heart with Dad. Let him know how you're feeling. Also, remember when you're in someone elses' home, always be respectful. Just try to get along and do the best that you can to help around the house, offer to do things that might comfort your stay until your Dad is back home.

You absolutely shouldn't be struck nor should you strike anyone, ever. That's violence and it doesn't get anyone anywhere but jail. So, think it over, pray about it if you're a religious person and use your judgment on what's age appropriate clothing for you to wear. It sounds like they're just looking out for you. Sadly, sometimes people judge you based on how you dress, etc...especially us girls. So you may want to tone it down a bit just for the duration of your stay.

I'd suggest (as a Mom) If you're wearing something that you think may be offensive even though it may be flattering on you and in style, ask yourself what you'd think or say if you were in the judgment chair. Maybe tie a sweater or jacket around your waist until your gone. Don't allow yourself to be open for criticism. I hope this helps. Best of luck hon.

Answer 3

Tell your Father how you are feeling. He needs to know the reality of what you are struggling with.

No, no one has the right to spank you, particularly if you are a 15 year old young woman.

Now, as for dressing conservatively, in such a way as to show respect for yourself so others also show you respect... I am supportive of that should an adult in your life encourage you in this arena. However, your personal identity should not get lost in the process. What I mean is that you should still be able to express yourself, while still maintaining self respect.

I like the person's idea above, talking to a relative and having them move in with you for a while. That seems most appropriate.

But most of all... Why is your father leaving this up to you? He is the Father and he should be talking to the adults in your life and making all the arrangements.

I know you are 15 and perfectly capable of handling many things, but quite frankly, this is an "Adult" situation and not one that a 15 year old should carry the burden of.

Best to you and your father dear.

Answer 4

Your dad needs to talk to his company's employee assistance program (EAP) to see if they can help him come up with an answer. Sometimes companies have programs that their employees don't know about. EAP could give your Dad and you some great ideas.

People who are saying what your friend Tamara's parents are saying to you are abusive and disrespectful. It is not appropriate to stay with people like that.

If they did smack you, leave the house immediately and call 911. That's assault.

How would you feel about a semester in a new environment? A boarding school of some kind? They're not all creepy military academies. It would also give you great experience for living in a dorm in college!

If you go to a public school, talk to your school counselor. He or she might also have some great suggestions.

Answer 5

First be up front, tell dad ALL the things that is bugging you about his leaving.
Second see it from his side job's are hard to get and sometimes they need you to do things that are hard on the family's for a while.
I hope you are going to use the computer to talk with him. Can you sign up for a ecot computer school it's for students from 6th to 12 th. grade's and then live with family.
Remember that it's not for very long, six weeks will fly by if you take a lot of your free time to read, read a lot dads job, the place he is going, short stories any thing you can get your hands on to read. Then start writing about your vacation away from him and the feelings. Maybe you can send it to a magazine to help someone else.
Sincerely
A son, a father of two teens, and a friend from Ohio
Hang in it hurts and its scary but it will go by fast.

Answer 6

You need to talk it over with your dad and give him so ideas of where you would prefer to stay while he is away. Your father is probably correct when he tells you that the country he is going to do not treat females the same as we do in North America. Believe that your dad is doing what he feels is best for you and that he would not put you into any situation that may endanger you and/or be abusive. And no in my opinion other people's parents do not have the authority to disipline you through corporal punishment. Best of luck to you.

Answer 7

Have a serious daughter and dad talk. Tell him how you feel about staying with your friends family and your fear that something may happen to him and if it does, what will happen to you? Also let him know that corpral punishment has long been banned, spanking etc. Ask him to ask the friends family what the house rules are and then sit down and discuss the pro's and con's. You are used to being with your father whom is not as strict with house rules as others are. Good luck.

Answer 8

for month it's not so bad
maybe an experience of living with "strict" family will be better than you think right now - they always say things like this, but can be very nice when stay with you
going with your father would be probably uncomfortable for you both and you would get some school troubles anyway

i think i would enjoy living in a best friend's house - think about all those things you can do together!!!

Answer 9

well if you stay with those people they do have the right to punish you when your dad is gone so i think you should tell your dad what you think of these people and let him talk to them about how far they can go with you

Answer 10

tell your dad that it wouldn't work out with your friends families and see if a relative can stay with you or if he can hire someone to stay with you