Are there any other parents who are having problems with their kids teachers?

Question

First off, I am not trying to place my parental responsibility on my childrens teachers. But when I am not in the classroom all day with them, how am I to know what I need to do as a parent to make sure all assignments are done and turned, my kids don't misbehave in class, and that they are are track in school, if the teacher doesn't communicate with me. I sent a letter at the beginning of school to my step-sons teacher asking for her to inform me if she had any problems with him not doing homework. He just came to live with us 3 months ago and we were told by his mother that he had a problem not turning in homework at his last school. I also requested a list of weekly homework assignments so that I could ensure that he did them and turned them in. I recieved no response from her. Instead I got a note sent home saying she was giving him detention for not turning in 2 homework assignments. I finally had to write another letter and an e-mail to her, since I get nothing but a voicemail during school hours. She called me back, and was kinda rude, as if she had done nothing wrong. I questioned her if she got the first letter I sent and she said that she did. She then informed me that at the 5th grade level they did not send home assignment lists, cause the kids at that grade level needed to start being responsible for their homework. However, the punishment of after school detention was also punishing me, since I would have to be the one who took off work early to pick him up. I asked how I was suppose to enforce the idea of doing homework, if I was not even aware of what homework he had, since she would not give me a list. She finally said "Well, I guess that I could make an exception and get you a list of the assignments."

As a parent, I asked for suggestions and support from the teacher, and she didn't want to give it.

If you can give me real advice please do. But if you simply want to make me out to be a bad, or unconcerned parent, or one who wants to blame the teacher for everything, then please, go answer someone elses question. I may not be a perfect parent, but I am a good mom, and I am doing my best.

Answer 1

Don't listen to some of these people they were dropped on their heads as babies.

Answer 2

As I teacher myself, let me say this--You have to look at it from the teacher's perspective. Ignoring that your stepson had issues with not turning in homework before, he is in 5th grade and should be writing down assignments in a notebook so he knows exactly what he should be doing. He is supposed to be the responsible one--and if he isn't, now is the perfect time for him to learn. Detention is the punishment and even though it inconveniences you, your stepson made the choice to not do his homework and he needs to learn that there are consequences for his actions. This is how he learns to become repsonsible--if he is in detenion enough and he is getting flack from you because it is difficult to pick him up---he will start to get the picture. If you are the one checking up on homework assignments and/or trying to keep him from detention since it interferes with your schedule, what has your stepson learned? He has learned that YOU will be responsible for making sure he has the proper assignments done and that YOU will keep him from dealing with the consequences of not turning in homeowrk.

You also have to understand that a simple request from you--could also be the same request that every other parent in the class is asking and that becomes added work for the teacher--that is why we don't make exceptions--they get out of hand.

All that being said, I would suggest that you request a formal meeting with the teacher and talk about how you BOTH can help your stepson become more responsible for turning in his homework and having a successful year in school. Don't go in combative, all it will do is make the teacher defensive and nothing will get solved. Go in proactively and ask the teacher to help you come up with some solutions. Explain the situtaion you said above about how he had trouble in his last school. Try and turn this teacher/parent relationship into a positive one. You obviiously are upset with the teacher right now--this wont' get any better unless you both come together on the same page. You need to go to the teacher first--then if nothing gets solved--you go to the principal. That is the way things work in most schools and if you go straight to the principal, you will most likely be asked "Have you discussed this with the teacher? "

Good luck!

Answer 3

You need to get your lazy @ss down to the school and take care of this situation yourself. A note, you sent a note about your son's homework issues? Do you have any idea how much that teacher has to do in one day? Yes, force her to make an exception for your child, or better yet how bout all the kids in the class. Let's just make her stay there 24 hours a day so that she can hold every 12 year old's hand through writing down their own homework assignments. Boo hoo, it's hard being a parent. Get over it. It's hard for everyone, you are no exception. If I were the teacher, I would make YOU attend the after school detention WITH the child. It's clear you BOTH need a kick in the rear.

And PS, you don't own the Internet or yahoo answers, if you don't like a response that someone gives you, too d@mn bad! That's the beauty of free speech, hun.

Answer 4

As a parent and teacher of middle school children, I would thank the teacher for preparing my child for what was to come in the middle school years. She is preparing the child for what will happen there also.
Each teacher, makes sure that the assignments are clearly stated and expectations are gone over with the child. The dates are posted. Children need to learn to become responsible or pay the consequence. Maybe your child should stay at detention until your work day is over. Or maybe your child will have to start walking etc. I bet once he starts walking.............he will have a better memory about his work. May sound mean, however, in the end it is really his responsibility to get that work done and to learn to organize at school. this is a common problem in upper level grades because chidlren have never been taught how to organize and keep planners etc. The teacher is doing her job by teaching the vaule of responsibility and that there are consequences for missed work at school and on the job.

Answer 5

OK, I'm going to take exception with the teacher's remark that kids at the 5th grade level have to be responsible for their homework, yes, and no. I believe you have to teach 5th graders responsibility, but it needs to be done at an age appropriate level. Is there a homework folder/notebook? Are the students given an agenda book in which to keep track of their assignments, that the teacher has to check daily, and parents sign daily? I have a 6th grader, and an 11th grader, and both schools have websites that I can go on and check what the homework assignments for the day/week are, and there's even a secure site where I can see what's been turned in or not. My 6th grader has an agenda book, in which ALL of his assignments are written in, the teacher writes it at the top of the board each day, and the students have to write it in the book. The book comes home every day. So my 6th graders is learning how to keep track of his assignments by writing them down.

I don't believe in detention after school, for the reason you just said, it punishes the entire family, students who ride the bus have to find an alternate route home.

It sounds like the teacher isn't teaching at an age appropriate level. I mean, most 5th graders are 10 years old. Some form of notebook should be being kept, and at their level, should be checked by the teacher to make sure everything is in it that's supposed to be there.

I would schedule a parent teacher conference with this teacher immediately. Explain (again) your concerns over there being no way for parents to follow through on what assignments are given at school. Agree with the desire to teach responsibility, but question if it's being done at a developmentally age appropriate scale. If you don't get much cooperation at this meeting, then by all means, your next step is the building principal. And the the school district. Hopefully you won't have to take it that far. Best of luck to you!

Answer 6

in many schools where i live the children at this level have homework books where they write down their assignments every day. perhaps you could initiate this on your own for your stepson. he could have a homework notebook where he writes down his daily assignments. the teacher initials it at the end of the day. if he has no homework he writes 'no homework' and she initials it. that way he is still taking responsibility to make sure that he has everything that he needs for the evening. occasionally he will slip up but you will have ot deal with that.

i think the teacher may have overreacted a bit but at the same time i do realize that many parents do expect the teachers to do all of the work these days and the kids dont get any expectations placed on them. this may be what she was initially reading into with the situation.

my friend's son has ADD. in highschool he still needs some extra assistance in getting organized at the beginning of the year to ensure that he has what he needs. What he does and learns in class is up to him. Occasionally he misses an assignment and it is up to him to make it up. But it took him a while to get there. I am not saying this is why your stepson is the way he is. But there could be many reasons for it. The more assistance he gets with becoming organized the fewer after school sessions he will have to make. this is the message that he and the teacher both need to hear.

by the way, i used to be a teacher too and i know that teachers can be very anal. but they can be very flexible if you can work with them. many of them.

Answer 7

I agree with the teacher on this one. This is how my district is and it starts way earlier than the fifth grade. For one your a step-parent and she owes you no more than a total stranger, you really have no say with the school unless you gave them a certified copy of a court order giving you parental rights.

Everyone complains kids are irresponsible and being responsible for your own homework or suffering the consequences is a good thing. The childs BIO parent should be re-enforcing what the teacher is trying to do. His failures in doing school work will be aparent in progress reports and report cards. When they come home and it's not good, additional discipline can be added at home.

Answer 8

Wow, you really are spending a lot of time on this subject. Wouldn't your time be better spent, oh I don't know, helping you son with his homework. Quit blaming the teacher, she probably has a room full of kids and parents just like you who are unwilling to make their children responsible for their actions. Your son is old enough to write down his assignments. If you knew he had a previous problem with homework, you should have made sure HE understood that you were serious and set rules and consequences in place ahead of time to deal with this kind of lazy and apathetic behavior. Not only would I do what I had to do to make him attend the after school detention, I would set a harsh punishment for when he got home so that he would know I wasn't going to blame anybody else but HIM for not doing what HE was supposed to be doing.

And as I stated in our previous email correspondence, if you didn't want others opinions on this subject, don't ask the question. If you have the right to complain and whine about this as much as you have, I have the right to tell you what I think.

Answer 9

You may have to go over her head. Now is there any reason why he can't write down and be responsible for his own assignments? That is something to think about. Also if he does have an excuse like Add or something they need to make exceptions to accommodate him or help out in a way that he catches on and doesn't need any help in say 2 months.
My son went thru the very same thing last year. I could understand the teachers view, because, ultimately the responsibility relies on the child if you want to teach them responsibility, that is one of our goals as parents, The more we do for them, the less they will do for themselves.
I was just so frustrated though with all the missing assignment notes coming home, I was like Geesz, I know nothing about this, Had I known he would have done it. My son does have add and a few other labels but he is well enough to know what his homework is , I believe.

Answer 10

i can answer any question i like, huskymom, so hush. you have several previous questions regarding this issue. you have also received a lot of good advice, but it seems like you have refused to take any.

the part about inconveniencing you for detention, well, it is designed to inconvenience YOU so that you will do something about HIS lack of interest in his homework. when you are put out, hopefully, you will do something.

quit your complaining. you know full well all you have to do is go over the teachers head, the principal, to get this matter resolved. perhaps you refuse because you know he will tell you exactly the same thing as all of us have been telling you.

maybe your stepson needs to be referred for special services, special education. a 12 year old 5th grader still having problems such as this requires more than a visit to the teacher. has anyone ever mentioned that to you before, because unless he is just a stubborn cuss, he may have some learning disabilities. sigh....

oh, and try to refrain from the nasty emails to my box. it truly is bad form and low class.

Answer 11

Obviously, based on ALL 50 of your other questions on this same subject, you are still defending your Step-son for his laziness and unwillingness to complete homework assignments. My 2nd Graders are responsible for their own homework, and you know what... they do better with turning in their homework than your 12 year old 5th grader. Like someone else said, a 12 year old in 5th grade, well, there is something wrong with that anyways.

It is not the teacher's fault that your step-son is a lazy kid who has no rules or consequences for his actions and not doing homework. HE needs to be writing down his assignments and taking them home to you. If not, then he will have to suffer the consequences the school enforces (after-school detention plus some consequences at home.) I told you in an earlier question, the punishment is there to inconvenience you as well, because if you are put out by having to pick him up, etc. then YOU will lay the law down at home, punish him some more for being irresponsible, and then maybe he will start being responsible with his homework.

Quit sticking up for him and blaming the teacher. She probably has 25 other kids and most likely is not having problems with other students, or she would do an assignment list and send it home. By 5th grade, students should be expected to keep track of work and do it. You have no clue how much work teacher's have to do at school and outside of school. Athough I am able to leave at 3:30 everyday, I am there until 5 pm. I also do grading and lesson plans which take hours of work at home each week. My weekends aren't even relaxing because I'm thinking about how to get a student to learn a particular concept, or I'm gathering things for my lessons, and paying out-of-pocket for things in my classroom. Teacher's are very over-worked and underpaid. I'm not complaining because I knew this going into my career, but I'm just saying that you complaining and whining to the teacher is another thorn in her side and more work for her to deal with. She is not a miracle worker. Homework is not for her to manage, it is for parents to enforce. Your step-son needs some serious talking to from you and his father, not you going and complaining the the teacher. You are teaching him he can get away with this because you are fighting a battle with her over this issue. He better understand that he is to keep track of his homework, bring it home, and do it. That is YOUR responsibility as a parent, not hers as a teacher. It is called HOMEwork for a reason, and therefore your son's responsibility at home to do, and yours at home to enforce. If not, pay the price.

I'm sure if you inconveniently, leave work and schedule a conference with her to politely try and resolve this issue, she would be more than willing to work with you and help you with your poor parenting skills. By the way, it is your husband's responsibility to do the discipline and enforcing of rules, not you as a step-parent.

If your step-son has a serious condition where he cannot manage this kind of elementary skill, then he should be evaluated by a professional. He could have ADD or serious issues that require counseling services. Maybe you and your husband should do a better job, because maybe your best isn't good enough. Try harder. Grow up. Quit whining and complaining. Take responsibility for yourself as a parent. No wonder your step-son has zero responsibility. Maybe you and your husband should go to parenting classes, or the whole family should go to counseling. There seems to be bigger issues at hand than just not doing homework.