This is pretty complicated...I am three months pregnant. Shortly after the baby was conceived I stopped all communication with the father-to-be for very good, legitimate reasons (not knowing I was pregnant). No kind of physical abuse but alot of emotional abuse. I had known him for a very long time beforehand. I have waited in telling him because I have had a miscarriage before and I wanted to make sure I was going to have the baby before contacting him. So far everything is just perfect with the pregnancy and now I am starting to think about when I should contact him. I have alot of feelings about HIM that won't go away...anger, hurt, disappointment and alot of emotional issues that I am in therapy for. I don't want to ever contact him but I do know that this is something that is beyond me and it is the only right answer for the child in this situation. Should I contact him asap or wait until after the baby is born? Serious answers only please. Thank you.
2006-08-28 15:35:03 · 12 answers · asked by Jenny Girl 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Find out his address and notify him by mail. This way you wont have to meet face to face during this akward position and if he wants more contact leave a phone number for him to call.
2006-08-28 15:39:04 · answer #1 · answered by Keith Perry 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't wait longer that 6 months into the pregnancy or me may start the "It's not mine" crap. (Stupid) Men have a tendency to do this. Ask him to meet you at a public place because you have something that you need to talk to him about. Before you go, try to rehearse what you are going to say to him so that you won't be to nervous and can say all that you need to say to him. I'm not sure how you feel about him being in your child's life. Whether you don't care or really do care. But you can tell him that if he wants any part of your child's life than he really needs to work on his issues. If he doesn't want any part of your child's life - let the *** hole alone. Children are better off without *** hole dad's then they are with them. (My Dad was an asshole - I'd have been better off without him lying *** only coming around every couple of year). Just follow your instincts on this one and bring a friend to the meeting with your babies Father for support if you need to. Good luck with everything and have a great night.
2006-08-28 15:53:45 · answer #2 · answered by twisteddistance 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm going against the grain here and say that I think you really need to consider telling him at all. I say this for several reasons -- if he's very emotionally abusive to you he certainly will be to a helpless child...is it worth the trade off to possibly subject your child to that? You also still have hard feelings about him - if you become very angry or upset having to speak to him about this, well, that's just not good for the baby. You need to think of yourself and your child in this situation. I'm not saying you shouldn't tell him, but if you think you'll be putting yourself or your unborn child in danger by doing so it might not be a great idea. Think long and hard about what you would want from him in the future -- if he pays child support he'll have access to visitation....do you want an emotionally abusive person to take your child for overnight, and sometimes extended, visits? Do you want him to know, but want no other involvement from him? If that's the case, how will you feel if he insists on involvement? Good luck to you, in whatever you decide!
2006-08-28 15:48:05 · answer #3 · answered by mama 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you tell him as soon as possible. If you let it linger to long he will think you did not want involved in your pregnancy.
I know you have all this feels of resentment, hatred and anger but you have to also take his emotions into considerate.
Even if he does not have anything to do with you after at least I think he should be involved in raising your child.
2006-08-28 15:44:45 · answer #4 · answered by de_dark_angel71 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you tell him asap that way maybe you guys can work things out before the baby gets here
babies can pick up on things about parents so you want to be on good terms when the baby comes
2006-08-28 15:41:02 · answer #5 · answered by pighunter1999 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i understand how you feel i just had a miscarriage myself and i feel like people think that next time i am pregnant it may also be "pretend" but your child deserves to know and even though he may not have been a good bf he deserves a chance as a dad. let him know by mail as perry said and express your concerns. your first priority should be your child. is it best for your child to come to its own ideas about it's father? oh by the way, congrats children are a blessing from God dont let anyone tell you otherwise!
2006-08-28 15:43:44 · answer #6 · answered by psalms912b 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You should tell him as soon as possible.You have to worry about your baby right now not you nor his emotions.All 3 could get hurt.
2006-08-28 15:39:35 · answer #7 · answered by bambina 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm no expert, but from the outside perspective of things, i think u should tell him before the baby is born. :)
2006-08-28 16:04:43 · answer #8 · answered by Becca E 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him ASAP. He has a right to know. Congratulations by the way.
2006-08-28 15:41:31 · answer #9 · answered by Ricky 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
YOU SHOULD TELL HIM ASAP BECAUSE IF U WAIT he might think that its someone else baby let him know u want him to be in the baby life
2006-08-28 19:24:18 · answer #10 · answered by 2 THICK 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋